Rook Winters - Weight of Ashes

“It’s not like I’ve been planning this. I’m still trying to figure it out.”

Elle’s frustration was evident in her voice and she could see his irritation on his face.

He’s still processing his loss. Try to be sensitive, Elle.

“Obviously,” she said, “we can’t just go wandering off in an arbitrary direction. What about Alma, where Marsh and Walker went? Could we find someone there to point us in the right direction?”

“Moriya. We should go see Moriya.”

“Marsh’s old friend? Vaidehi told me about her. You think she’ll help?”

“She’ll do it for Marsh. I’ve only met her a couple times but I know where she lives.”

It took them most of an hour to dig out the entrance to the council cabin cellar. The floor hatch had collapsed under the weight of debris, which saved them the trouble of breaking the lock, but it was arduous work clearing out the opening so they could squeeze in. An antique lantern hung from a hook. After a minute of experimentation, they realized that turning its crank handle powered the light.

“This place has been around since the first few years of the village. Hard to say what we’ll find.”

“This box says Marsh on it.”

She slid the bin closer to Court but he only stared at it.

“Would you rather if I opened it?”

“Yeah, that would be better.”

Elle flipped the clamping mechanisms that held the lid in place. Clouds of dust made it clear that the bin hadn’t been open in years. The seal around the lid groaned as she pulled it off. She looked up at Court to gauge his reaction but he was looking away.

The bin didn’t hold much: clothing items, a gold disk on a chain, and a small wood box containing a few papers.

“He would have been seventy-one next month, if this thing marked ‘Birth Certificate’ is right.”

Court looked down. Elle understood how he was feeling, or at least she believed she could imagine how he was feeling. She was digging through the belongings of his mentor and friend, looking for anything of value, like a scavenger.

She flipped through a little blue booklet with the word PASSPORT stamped in gold lettering on the front.

“What’s a passport?” she asked.

“No idea.”

“It has his picture in it. Maybe you should keep it.”

She passed the booklet to him and he rubbed his fingers on the pages delicately. His lips quivered and Elle feared she’d lose him again to his grief but he sucked in a deep breath.

“He looks so young.”

They searched the rest of the cellar, finding relics from the former lives of some of the older villagers but little of obvious value until they came to a pouch. Inside, Elle found coins.

“Money,” she said. “I wonder if it’s still good.”

Court knelt beside her to look more closely.

“Silver and copper, yeah, we can use that, at least in Chignecto where Moriya lives.”

“Is this a lot?”

“I’m not sure. Marsh always handled the money when we went.”

“Then we’ll take it and find out.”

They left the cellar with a metal-framed backpack, a few pieces of formal-looking clothing that Court thought they could barter in Chignecto, and the passport with Marsh’s photo.

In the hospital, they made of pile of everything that didn’t appear damaged. They found splash pads, painkillers, a small bottle labeled antibiotics, and Vaidehi’s tablet. Court packed everything into the backpack then they collected all the dried food they could find in the village. The fires had destroyed so much that they only found enough for a few days at the most.

“We’ll have to hunt along the way,” Court said.

Elle nodded. She didn’t like it but she knew they’d have to eat.

The sky was still bright but the sun was below the trees by the time they finished packing. They used a pair of harvesting bags to hold more food, some water, a pair of blankets, the pouch of money, and Marsh’s passport.

“I don’t want to sleep in the village,” Court said.

“The woods?” Elle asked.

“If you don’t mind.”

“No, that will be fine. We still need to do one more thing first.”

The sky was a gloomy gray when they finished digging up Elle’s suit and helmet. To her surprise, Court hadn’t insisted on an explanation for why she’d hidden it. He’d accepted that she’d done it and that they had to retrieve it for their trip. According to Marsh, it was the reason for their trip.

They slept under a tarp at the edge of the woods. Their blankets reeked of smoke, not the pleasant smell of a campfire but the harsh smell from entire buildings burning. Sleep came easily for Court but the smoke made Elle think of the villagers. They’d done nothing to deserve their fate. She squeezed her fists and then her eyes, pressing out the tears that had been building up. The night air was cool when she felt her exhaustion dragging her to sleep but that was when Court started muttering. His words were nonsensical but the emotions were clear: terror and desperation.

She rolled to her side, an unforgiving root digging into her arm. She found one of Master Zheng’s meditations in the recesses of her mind and murmured the mantra to herself. When sleep did take her, she dreamed fitfully.

A rustling woke her. The sun was up but the air was still cool. She felt damp and realized this would be her new reality for an unknown number of mornings. An acute feeling of loss and a sad longing for Dr. Donovan washed over her. Her stomach clenched at the thought but there was another rustling that pulled her thoughts back to the more immediate concern of safety. She was embarrassed to realize the rustling was just a squirrel over head in the tree. She rolled over to see if it had woken Court as well.

He wasn’t there.

Elle threw off the blanket and got up to her knees. She was in the same spot as the night before. The backpack was still beside her, but one of the harvesting bags was gone. The mag gun was hidden under the other. She moved it aside and took the gun.

Turning in a circle, she looked for Court or any sign of a threat. The morning air was still, and she heard only the chirping of birds.

A branch snapped behind her and she whirled around, holding the mag gun up and ready to fire at whatever was there.

“Morning,” Court said.

“You’re lucky I didn’t shoot you.”

“Why would you shoot me?”

“Because you were gone, and I didn’t know what happened to you.”

“You’d shoot me for that?”

“No, I mean you’re lucky I didn’t think you were—never mind, just tell me next time if you’re going somewhere.”

“You were asleep. You want me to wake you up to tell you I’m off for a piss and to get apples for breakfast?”

He lifted the flap of the harvesting bag and showed off a half-dozen apples.

“Just let me know next time, alright?”

“Alright,” he said.

They ate apples, packed up their modest camp, and stood staring at the blackened cabins for several long minutes. Court seemed to struggle with leaving.

Elle asked if he wanted to say a few parting words.

“No, it’s just hard to leave. Whatever we find out there, I know that I might never make it back here.”

She wanted to reassure him but Master Zheng’s voice echoed in her mind. The weak cling to fantasies. The strong face reality.

“If it’s important enough, you’ll come back.”

“You won’t be forgotten,” he finally said across the clearing and turned to face the forest. “I’m ready. If we keep a good pace, we can be there in two and a half days.”

That day and the next were long and they only spoke sporadically. Elle stared at the ground in front of her, watching her feet move past each other over and over. No individual step was difficult but the sum total was monotonous and exhausting. She slept deeply and without dreams the first night. In the morning, Court had to wake her, telling her they were wasting daylight.