Clifford Simak - The Shipshape Miracle - And Other Stories

This was a pretty kettle of fish. If the decision went against him and How-2 Kits came to claim its property, he would be sitting smack dab in the middle of the most fantastic civil war in all of mankind’s history. He tried to imagine what kind of charge might be brought against him if such a war erupted. Armed insurrection, resisting arrest, inciting to riot—they would get him on one charge or another—that is, of course, if he survived.

He turned on the television set and leaned back to watch.

A pimply-faced newscaster was working himself into a journalistic lather. “…all business virtually at a standstill. Many industrialists are wondering, in case Knight wins, if they may not have to fight long, costly legal actions in an attempt to prove that their automatic setups are not robots, but machines. There is no doubt that much of the automatic industrial system consists of machines, but in every instance there are intelligent robotic units installed in key positions. If these units are classified as robots, industrialists might face heavy damage suits, if not criminal action, for illegal restraint of person.

“In Washington, there are continuing consultations. The Treasury is worried over the loss of taxes, but there are other governmental problems causing even more concern. Citizenship, for example. Would a ruling for Knight mean that all robots would automatically be declared citizens?

“The politicians have their worries, too. Faced with a new category of voters, all of them are wondering how to go about the job of winning the robot vote.”

Knight turned it off and settled down to enjoy another bottle of beer.

“Good?” asked the beer robot.

“Excellent,” said Knight.

The days went past. Tension built up.

Lee and the lawyer robots were given police protection. In some regions, robots banded together and fled into the hills, fearful of violence. Entire automatic systems went on strike in a number of industries, demanding recognition and bargaining right. The governors in half a dozen states put the militia on alert. A new show, Citizen Robot, opened on Broadway and was screamed down by the critics, while the public bought up tickets for a year ahead.

The day of decision came.

Knight sat in front of his television set and waited for the judge to make his appearance. Behind him, he heard the bustle of the ever-present robots. In the studio, Grace was singing happily. He caught himself wondering how much longer her painting would continue. It had lasted longer than most of her other interests and he’d talked a day or two before with Albert about building a gallery to hang her canvases in, so the house would be less cluttered up.

The judge came onto the screen. He looked, thought Knight, like a man who did not believe in ghosts and then had seen one.

“This is the hardest decision I have ever made,” he said tiredly, “for, in following the letter of the law, I fear I may be subverting its spirit.

“After long days of earnest consideration of both the law and evidence as presented in this case, I find for the defendant, Gordon Knight.

“And, while the decision is limited to that finding alone, I feel it is my clear and simple duty to give some attention to the other issue which became involved in this litigation. The decision, on the face of it, takes account of the fact that the defense proved robots are not property, therefore cannot be owned and that it thus would have been impossible for the defendant to have stolen one.

“But in proving this point to the satisfaction of this court, the precedent is set for much more sweeping conclusions. If robots are not property, they cannot be taxed as property. In that case, they must be people, which means that they may enjoy all the rights and privileges and be subjected to the same duties and responsibilities as the human race.

“I cannot rule otherwise. However, the ruling outrages my social conscience. This is the first time in my entire professional life that I have ever hoped that some higher court, with a wisdom greater than my own, may see fit to reverse my decision!”

Knight got up and walked out of the house and into the hundred-acre garden, its beauty marred at the moment by the twelve-foot fence.

The trial had ended perfectly. He was free of the charge brought against him, and he did not have to pay the taxes, and Albert and the other robots were free agents and could do anything they wanted.

He found a stone bench and sat down upon it and stared out across the lake. It was beautiful, he thought, just the way he had dreamed it—maybe even better than that—the walks and bridges, the flower beds and rock gardens, the anchored model ships swinging in the wind on the dimpling lake.

He sat and looked at it and, while it was beautiful, he found he was not proud of it, that he took little pleasure in it.

He lifted his hands out of his lap and stared at them and curved his fingers as if he were grasping a tool. But they were empty. And he knew why he had no interest in the garden and no pleasure in it.

Model trains, he thought. Archery. A mechano-biologic dog. Making pottery. Eight rooms tacked onto the house.

Would he ever be able to console himself again with a model train or an amateurish triumph in ceramics? Even if he could, would he be allowed to?

He rose slowly and headed back to the house. Arriving there, he hesitated, feeling useless and unnecessary.

He finally took the ramp down into the basement.

Albert met him at its foot and threw his arms around him. “We did it, Boss! I knew we would do it!”

He pushed Knight out to arm’s length and held him by the shoulders. “We’ll never leave you, Boss. We’ll stay and work for you. You’ll never need to do another thing. We’ll do it all for you!”

“Albert—”

“That’s all right, Boss. You won’t have to worry about a thing. We’ll lick the money problem. We’ll make a lot of lawyer robots and we’ll charge good stiff fees.”

“But don’t you see…”

“First, though,” said Albert, “we’re going to get an injunction to preserve our birthright. We’re made of steel and glass and copper and so forth, right? Well, we can’t allow humans to waste the matter we’re made of—or the energy, either, that keeps us alive. I tell you, Boss, we can’t lose!”

Sitting down wearily on the ramp. Knight faced a sign that Albert had just finished painting. It read, in handsome gold lettering, outlined sharply in black:

Anson, Albert, Abner

Angus & Associates

Attorneys at Law

“And then, Boss,” said Albert, “we’ll take over How-2 Kits, Inc. They won’t be able to stay in business after this. We’ve got a double-barreled idea, Boss. We’ll build robots. Lots of robots. Can’t have too many, I always say. And we don’t want to let you humans down, so we’ll go on manufacturing How-2 Kits—only they’ll be pre-assembled to save you the trouble of putting them together. What do you think of that as a start?”

“Great,” Knight whispered.

“We’ve got everything worked out, Boss. You won’t have to worry about a thing the rest of your life.”

“No,” said Knight. “Not a thing.”

“Cheviot Sherwood” is likely the most unusual name Cliff Simak ever contrived for one of his (human) characters—perhaps that is because although Cliff sometimes portrayed his protagonists as having rough edges to their personalities, this is likely the one he was most uncomfortable with.

One of Cliff’s journals shows that he sent a story entitled “Miracle” to his agent in April 1962; I think this is that story. It appeared in the January 1963 issue of Worlds of If .