Clifford Simak - The Shipshape Miracle - And Other Stories

“Yes, dear.”

“And I wonder if he could learn to cook.”

“I didn’t ask him, but I suppose he could.”

“He’s going to be a tremendous help to me,” said Grace. “Just think, I can spend all my time at painting!”

Through long practice, he knew exactly how to handle this phase of the conversation. He simply detached himself, split himself in two. One part sat and listened and, at intervals, made appropriate responses, while the other part went on thinking about more important matters.

Several times, after they had gone to bed, he woke in the night and heard Albert banging away in the basement workshop and was a little surprised until he remembered that a robot worked around the clock, all day, every day. Knight lay there and stared up at the blackness of the ceiling and congratulated himself on having a robot. Just temporarily, to be sure—he would send Albert back in a day or so. There was nothing wrong in enjoying the thing for a little while, was there?

The next day, Knight went into the basement to see if Albert needed help, but the robot affably said he didn’t. Knight stood around for a while and then left Albert to himself and tried to get interested in a model locomotive he had started a year or two before, but had laid aside to do something else. Somehow, he couldn’t work up much enthusiasm over it any more, and he sat there, rather ill at ease, and wondered what was the matter with him. Maybe he needed a new interest. He had often thought he would like to take up puppetry and now might be the time to do it.

He got out some catalogues and How-2 magazines and leafed through them, but was able to arouse only mild and transitory interest in archery, mountain-climbing and boat-building. The rest left him cold. It seemed he was singularly uninspired this particular day.

So he went over to see Anson Lee.

He found Lee stretched out in a hammock, smoking a pipe and reading Proust, with a jug set beneath the hammock within easy reaching distance.

Lee laid aside the book and pointed to another hammock slung a few feet from where he lay. “Climb aboard and let’s have a restful visit.”

Knight hoisted himself into the hammock, feeling rather silly.

“Look at that sky,” Lee said. “Did you ever see another so blue?”

“I wouldn’t know,” Knight told him. “I’m not an expert on meteorology.”

“Pity,” Lee said. “You’re not an expert on birds, either.”

“For a time I was a member of a bird-watching club.”

“And worked at it so hard, you got tired and quit before the year was out. It wasn’t a bird-watching club you belonged to—it was an endurance race. Everyone tried to see more birds than anyone else. You made a contest of it. And you took notes, I bet.”

“Sure we did. What’s wrong with that?”

“Not a thing,” said Lee, “if you hadn’t been quite so grim about it.”

“Grim? How would you know?”

“It’s the way you live. It’s the way everyone lives now. Except me, of course. Look at that robin, that ragged-looking one in the apple tree. He’s a friend of mine. We’ve been acquainted for all of six years now. I could write a book about that bird—and if he could read, he’d approve of it. But I won’t, of course. If I wrote the book, I couldn’t watch the robin.”

“You could write it in the winter, when the robin’s gone.”

“In wintertime,” said Lee, “I have other things to do.”

He reached down, picked up the jug and passed it across to Knight.

“Hard cider,” he explained. “Make it myself. Not as a project, not as a hobby, but because I happen to like cider and no one knows any longer how to really make it. Got to have a few worms in the apples to give it a proper tang.”

Thinking about the worms, Knight spat out a mouthful, then handed back the jug. Lee applied himself to it wholeheartedly.

“First honest work I’ve done in years.” He lay in the hammock, swinging gently, with the jug cradled on his chest. “Every time I get a yen to work, I look across the lake at you and decide against it. How many rooms have you added to that house since you got it built?”

“Eight,” Knight told him proudly.

“My God! Think of it—eight rooms!”

“It isn’t hard,” protested Knight, “once you get the knack of it. Actually, it’s fun.”

“A couple of hundred years ago, men didn’t add eight rooms to their homes. And they didn’t build their own houses to start with. And they didn’t go in for a dozen different hobbies. They didn’t have the time.”

“It’s easy now. You just buy a How-2 Kit.”

“So easy to kid yourself,” said Lee. “So easy to make it seem that you are doing something worthwhile when you’re just piddling around. Why do you think this How-2 thing boomed into big business? Because there was a need of it?”

“It was cheaper. Why pay to have a thing done when you can do it yourself?”

“Maybe that is part of it. Maybe, at first, that was the reason. But you can’t use the economy argument to justify adding eight rooms. No one needs eight extra rooms. I doubt it, even at first, economy was the entire answer. People had more time than they knew what to do with, so they turned to hobbies. And today they do it not because they need all the things they make, but because the making of them fills an emptiness born of shorter working hours, of giving people leisure they don’t know how to use. Now, me,” he said. “I know how to use it.”

He lifted the jug and had another snort and offered it to Knight again. This time, Knight refused.

They lay there in their hammocks, looking at blue sky and watching the ragged robin. Knight said there was a How-2 Kit for city people to make robot birds and Lee laughed pityingly and Knight shut up in embarrassment.

When Knight went back home, a robot was clipping the grass around the picket fence. He had four arms, which had clippers attached instead of hands, and he was doing a quick and efficient job.

“You aren’t Albert, are you?” Knight asked, trying to figure out how a strange robot could have strayed onto the place.

“No,” the robot said, keeping right on clipping. “I am Abe. I was made by Albert.”

“Made?”

“Albert fabricated me so that I could work. You didn’t think Albert would do work like this himself, did you?”

“I wouldn’t know,” said Knight.

“If you want to talk, you’ll have to move along with me. I have to keep on working.”

“Where is Albert now?”

“Down in the basement, fabricating Alfred.”

“Alfred? Another robot?”

“Certainly. That’s what Albert’s for.”

Knight reached out for a fencepost and leaned weakly against it.

First there was a single robot and now there were two, and Albert was down in the basement working on a third. That, he realized, had been why Albert wanted him to place the order for the steel and other things—but the order hadn’t arrived as yet, so he must have made this robot—this Abe—out of the scrap he had salvaged!

Knight hurried down into the basement and there was Albert, working at the forge. He had another robot partially assembled and he had parts scattered here and there.

The corner of the basement looked like a metallic nightmare.

“Albert!”

Albert turned around.

“What’s going on here?”

“I’m reproducing,” Albert told him blandly.

“But …”

“They built the mother-urge in me. I don’t know why they called me Albert. I should have a female name.”

“But you shouldn’t be able to make other robots!”

“Look, stop your worrying. You want robots, don’t you?”

“Well—yes, I guess so.”