Philip Dick - The Three Stigmata of Palmer Eldritch

“One quarter of one percent of your gross. Of P. P. Layout’s… not including revenue from any other source.” Meaning the plantation network on Venus where Can-D was obtained.

“Good food in heaven,” Leo said, and breathed raggedly.

“There’s more.”

“What more? I mean, you’ll be rich!”

“And I want a restructuring of your use of Pre-Fash consultants. Each will stay at his post, nominally handle the job he has now, but with this alteration. All their decisions will be referred to me for final review; I’ll have the ultimate say-so on their determinations. So I no longer will represent any one region; you can turn New York over to Roni as soon as—”

“Power hungry,” Leo said in a grating voice.

Barney shrugged. Who cared what it was called? It represented the culmination of his career; this was what counted. And they were all in it for this, Leo included. In fact Leo first of all.

“Okay,” Leo said, nodding. “You can ride herd on all the other Pre-Fash consultants; it doesn’t mean anything to me. Now tell me how and when and where—”

“You can meet Palmer Eldritch in three days. One of his own ships, unmarked, will take him off Ganymede the day after tomorrow, to his demesne on Luna; there he’ll continue to recuperate, but no longer in UN territory. Frank Santina won’t have any more authority in this matter so you can forget about him. On the twenty-third at his demesne Eldritch will meet ‘pape reporters, and give them his version of what took place on his trip; he’ll be in a good mood—at least so they’ll report. Apparently healthy, glad to be back, recovering satisfactorily… he’ll give a long story about—”

“Just tell me how to get in. There’ll still be a security system by his own boys.”

Barney said, “P. P. Layouts—get this—puts out a trade journal four times a year. The Mind of Minning . It’s such a small-scale operation you probably don’t even know it exists.”

“You mean I should go as a reporter from our house organ?” Leo stared at him. “I can get entry to his demesne on that basis?” He looked disgusted. “Hell. I didn’t have to pay you for such garbagey information; it would have been announced in the next day or so—I mean, if ‘pape reporters are going to be there it must be made public.”

Barney shrugged. He did not bother to answer.

“I guess you got me,” Leo said. “I was too eager. Well,” he added philosophically, “maybe you can tell me what he’s going to give the ‘pape reporters by way of an explanation. What did he find in the Prox system? Does he mention the lichens he brought back?”

“He does. He claims they’re a benign form, approved by the UN’s Narcotics Control Bureau, which will replace—” He hesitated. “Certain dangerous, habit-forming derivatives now in wide use. And—”

“And,” Leo finished stonily, “he’s going to announce the formation of a company to peddle his narcotic-exempt commodity.”

“Yes,” Barney said. “Called Chew-Z, with the slogan: be choosy. Chew Chew-Z .”

“Aw fergawdsake!”

“It was all set up by intersystem radio-laser long ago, through his daughter and with the approval of Santina and Lark at the UN, in fact with Hepburn-Gilbert’s own approval. They see this as a way of putting a finish to the Can-D trade.”

There was silence.

“Okay,” Leo said hoarsely, after a time. “It seems a shame you couldn’t have previewed this a couple of years ago, but hell—you’re an employee and no one told you to.”

Barney shrugged.

Grim-faced, Leo Bulero rang off.

So that ’ s that , Barney said to himself. I violated Rule One of career-oriented functioning: never tell your superior something he doesn ’ t want to hear. I wonder what the consequences of that will be .

The vidphone all at once came back on; once again Leo Bulero’s clouded features formed. “Listen, Barney. I just had a thought. This is going to make you sore, so get set.”

“I’m set.” He prepared himself.

“I forgot, and I shouldn’t have, that I previously talked to Miss Fugate and she knows about—certain events in the future pertaining to myself and Palmer Eldritch. Events which in any case, if she were to get disturbed—and having you ride hard on her would make her disturbed—she might fly into a fit and do us harm. In fact I got to thinking that potentially all my Pre-Fash consultants could come across this information, so the idea of you supervising all of them—”

“The ‘events,’” Barney interrupted, “have to do with your arraignment for the first-degree murder of Palmer Eldritch; correct?”

Leo grunted, wheezed, and stared morosely at him. At last, reluctantly, he nodded.

“I’m not going to let you pull out of the agreement you just now made with me,” Barney said. “You made me certain promises and I expect you to—”

“But,” Leo bleated, “that fool girl—she’s erratic, she’ll run to the UN cops; Barney, she’s got me!”

“So have I ,” he pointed out quietly.

“Yeah, but I’ve known you for years.” Leo appeared to be thinking rapidly, appraising the situation with what he enjoyed calling his next-stage-in-the-Homo-sapiens-type-evolved-knowledge powers, or some such thing. “You’re a pal. You wouldn’t do that, what she’d do. And anyhow I can still offer you the percentage of the gross you asked for. Okay?” He eyed Barney anxiously, but with formidable determination; he had made up his mind. “Can we finalize on that, then?”

“We already finalized.”

“But dammit, like I said, I forgot about—”

“If you don’t come through,” Barney said, “I’ll quit. And go somewhere else with my ability.” He had worked too many years to turn back at this point.

“You?” Leo said unbelievingly. “I mean, you’re not just talking about going to the UN police; you’re talking about—switching sides and going over to Palmer Eldritch!”

Barney said nothing.

“You darn snink,” Leo said. “So this is what trying to stay afloat in times like this has done to us. Listen; I’m not so sure Palmer would accept you. Probably he’s got his Pre-Fash people already set up. And if he does he knows the news already, about my—” He broke off. “Yeah, I’ll take the chance; I think you have that Greek sin— what did they call it? Hubris? Pride, like Satan had, reaching too far. Go ahead and reach, Barney. In fact do anything you want; it doesn’t matter to me. And lots of luck, fella. Keep me posted on how you make out, and the next time you feel inclined to blackmail somebody—”

Barney cut the connection. The screen became a formless gray. Gray , he thought, like the world inside me and around me, like reality . He rose and walked stiffly back and forth, hands in his trouser pockets.

My best bet , he decided, at this point – God forbid – is to join with Roni Fugate. Because she ’ s the one Leo is scared of, and for good reason. There must be a whole galaxy of things she ’ d do that I wouldn ’ t. And Leo knows it.

Reseating himself he had Roni paged, brought at last into his office.

“Hi,” she said brightly, colorful in her Peking-style silk dress, sans bra. “What’s up? I tried to reach you a minute ago, but—”

“You just never,” he said, “ never have on all your clothes. Shut the door.”

She shut the door.

“However,” he said, “to give you your due, you were very good in bed last night.”