Robert Asprin - Phules Paradise

As he spoke, Phule stopped one of the cocktail waitresses with a gesture and plucked two glasses from the tray of complimentary champagne she was distributing.

"Here," he said, passing one to Maxine. "What shall we drink to? Somehow I don't imagine you're eager to drink to the success of the Fat Chance."

"Not for a while, anyway," Max purred. "How about `To honorable enemies and dishonorable friends'?"

"I think I can accept that." The commander chuckled, raising his glass in mock salute. "We seem to have at least that much in common."

Maxine hid her irritation as she returned his gesture. She had hoped to lead Phule off to one of the cocktail lounges, but instead they were standing near the targeted island of slots ... too near for her comfort.

"I was wondering if you could answer a question for me, Captain?" she said, drifting slowly along the aisle as if to get a better view of the tables.

"Depends on the question," Phule answered, but followed along apparently unaware that they were moving.

"Why exactly did you join the Space Legion, anyway?"

The commander gave a slow smile.

"Within the Legion," he said, "it's generally considered impolite to ask that question."

"How very interesting," Maxine drawled. "However, I'm not in the Legion, nor have I ever been overly concerned with being polite."

Phule hesitated, then shrugged.

"Oh, just call it a rich boy's whim," he said dismissively.

"I find that very hard to believe," Max pressed, unwilling to let the subject drop.

"How so?"

"In the simplest terms, Mr. Phule, I doubt that anyone in your position has gotten where they are by whimsical or, casual thinking. No, I believe you have a specific purpose behind nearly everything you do, including joining the Space Legion."

The commander glanced at her sharply.

"How very perceptive of you," he said. "You're right, of course. I'll admit that much. I'm afraid, however, my reasons will have to remain my own. While I can't fault you for asking, you must also be aware that people in my position don't stay on top by sharing their plans with others, particularly not with the opposition."

"Opposition," Maxine repeated, wrinkling her nose. "Really, Mr. Phule. You have such a delicate way of phrasing things. You must meet Laverna sometime. Perhaps it's a result of your common background in financial maneuverings, but you both tend to walk around a subject verbally rather than acknowledging it for what it is."

Again Phule was forced to smile. Despite himself, he found himself liking Maxine more and more.

"Old habits die hard, I guess," he said. "Of course, the Legion itself tends to feed the pattern by encouraging, if not requiring, double talk. For my own information, how would you describe our relationship?"

"Why, we're rival commanders in a gang war for control of this casino, of course," Max said with an easy shrug, then, noting his frown, she continued, "Come now, Mr. Phule. Surly you don't see this as a conflict between the forces of light and darkness ... with yourself on the side of the angels?"

"Actually I was thinking that you're the second person who's recently described me as the leader of a band of criminals," the commander explained with a wry smile. "While it's no secret that Legionnaires often have spotted pasts, I'd rather hoped for a better public image."

"Spotted pasts," Max exclaimed with a quick bark of laughter. "There you go again, Mr. Phule, trying to verbally tie a ribbon around the neck of a hardworking mule. We provide the brains and direction for a pack of criminals and live off the profits. There's no other way to accurately describe it."

"I'm sorry, but I can't agree," the Legionnaire said, shaking his head, "though I'm sure you intend it as a compliment to view me as an equal. I prefer to think of what I'm doing as assisting certain individuals in finding constructive, beneficial applications for their talents. For proof, let me remind you that we were assigned to protect this casino at the request of the proper owner, and that we don't stand to profit from our efforts beyond our normal wages."

"I suppose you have a point, Captain," Maxine returned easily. "I can't honestly say, however, that I see your position as an improvement on my own. I've always found that people work harder for direct benefits than for a straight wage."

The commander nodded. "We're in agreement there. However, sometime you might consider whether or not there are direct benefits to the individual that can outweigh monetary gain. In the meantime, if you'll excuse me, I must return to my duties. It's been a pleasure talking to you."

Realizing both that Phule was about to break off the conversation and that there had been no sign that the expected run on the slots had begun yet, Maxine cast about quickly for something to prolong the discussion.

"Just a moment, Captain," she said, laying a restraining hand on his arm. "There's someone I'd like you to meet."

Without further explanation, she led the Legionnaire commander over to the line by the cashier's window, which was, of course, another half dozen yards farther away from the slot machines.

"Excuse me ... Jonesy?" she said, lightly touching the shoulder of one of the men waiting for more chips.

The young Oriental turned with a smile, then started visibly when he saw the black-uniformed figure who was accompanying Max.

"I don't believe you two have met," she continued, as smoothly as a society hostess at a reception. "Jonesy, this is Captain Jester, commander of the security force for this casino. Captain Jester, this is Jonesy." She bared a few extra teeth in a smile. "Of course, that isn't his real name, obviously, but that's what he's asked us to call him."

"Captain Jester."

"Jonesy."

The two men eyed each other with open wariness. Neither offered to shake hands.

"Jonesy, here, is visiting us from ... I guess you'd call it one of our sister organizations." Maxine smiled. "His superiors have expressed an extreme interest in how you and I manage to work out our differences."

The Oriental gave a small movement of his shoulders. "I'm afraid, Captain, that curiosity is only natural for those in our line of work. Should we ever find ourselves-how should I put this?-in a similar relation to you that Mrs. Pruet is, I trust you will accept that there would be no personal rancor involved. I'm sure that, if anyone, you would understand that business is business."

"Of course," Phule answered through tight lips. "In return, might I suggest that you inform your superiors, from me, that if they choose to visit Lorelei to witness our methods firsthand, I will do my best to see they are treated with the same hospitality as we have shown Mrs. Pruet and her organization?"

Jonesy's eyes flickered slightly.

"I'll be sure to do that, Captain," he said with a small bow. "Now, if you'll excuse me, they're holding a seat for me at one of the tables."

"I don't think he likes you, Captain," Max said softly as they watched the Oriental walk away.

Phule smiled humorlessly. "I think I can live with that. Then again, I don't think he was particularly happy with you, either, for singling him out that way."

Maxine gave an unladylike snort.

"Believe it or not, Mr. Phule, the possibility of Jonesy's associates appearing on Lorelei is even less appealing to me than it is to you. Besides, as I said earlier, `honorable enemies and dishonorable friends.' I considered it a matter of courtesy to make you aware of what you might be up against someday."

"I see," the commander said, looking at her thoughtfully. "All right, I guess it's up to me to return the favor. Do you see that man sitting at the far right on the end blackjack table? The pale one?"

Maxine craned her neck slightly, then nodded.