Robert Asprin - Phules Paradise

Watching the eagerness with which the company attacked their lessons, however, I could not help but wonder if they were preparing for the upcoming assignment, or if, perhaps, they were rabidly squirreling away information for their personal use.

Apparently I was not the only one this occurred to ...

Tullie Bascom's report had run long, much longer than anyone had expected after he appeared for the meeting without notes. Twenty-five years of working casinos, mostly as a pit boss, however, had sharpened his eye and memory to a point where he rarely wrote anything down-names or numbers. Instead, he appeared to speak off the top of his head, rattling on for hours as he reviewed each of his students' strengths and weaknesses, while the commander and the two junior officers flanking him filled page after page on their notepads with his insightful comments.

This was a closed meeting, convened in the commander's cabin, and was, in all probability, the final session before Tullie and his team left the ship at its last stop prior to the final leg of the journey to Lorelei.

After the last Legionnaire was reviewed, Phule tossed his pencil onto his notepad and leaned back, stretching cramped muscles he hadn't noticed until just now.

"Thank you, Tullie," he said. "I'm sure I speak for all of us when I say the job you've done has been most impressive-both with the lessons and with keeping us informed of the company's progress."

He paused to glance at his two lieutenants, who nodded and mumbled their agreement, still a little dazed at the volume of data which had just been dumped on them.

"You paid top dollar. You get my best shot," Tullie responded with a shrug of dismissal.

"I can't think of any questions on individuals that you haven't already covered in depth," the commander continued, "but if it's not asking too much, can you give us your impressions of the force as a whole?"

"They're some of the best I've ever trained, though I'd appreciate it if you didn't tell them I said that until after I've left," the instructor admitted easily. "Of course, it's not often that I get students who can attend multiple sessions, one right after the other, day after day, like we've been doing on this trip. Usually, I'm training folks who have to work their lessons in around their paying jobs, at least until they get certified."

"Do you think they're ready to hold down a casino on their own?" Phule pressed.

Tullie scratched his right ear and frowned for a moment before answering.

"They'll catch the casual cheats easy enough," he said. "As to the pros, I don't know. Your boys are good, but the grifters who can do you real damage have been polishing their routines for years. Some of 'em you can't spot even if you know what you're watching for."

"Like a good sleight-of-hand magician," Armstrong observed.

"Exactly," Tullie said. "Some of these mechanics even show you what they're going to do-that they're going to `second-deal' a card and when they're going to do it-and you still can't see it when they work it at normal speed. I can't, and I've been training my eye for years."

The commander frowned. "So how do you catch them?"

"Sometimes you don't," the instructor admitted. "If they don't get greedy just hit once or twice and keep moving they can get away with it clean. About the only way to spot bad action is to watch the patterns. If one player starts beating the odds on a regular basis, or if one table starts losing more often than can be explained by a bad run, you'll know you've got problems. Just remember not to get hung up on trying to figure out how they're doing it. You can lose a lot of money waiting for proof. If something doesn't ring true, shut the table down or run your big winner out of the casino. Of course, if you've got an experienced staff of dealers and pit bosses, they should be able to handle that without coaching from you."

"If you say so," Phule said, grimacing a little. "I just wish we didn't have to rely so heavily on people outside our own crew."

"Well, I can say for sure that your boys are head and shoulders above any casino security force I've ever seen," Tullie pointed out. "Most guards are just for show-to discourage folks from trying to get their money back by stickin' up the joint. I'd say that any team of pros that tries to work their scam assuming your team is window dressing will be in for a nasty surprise. They may not be able to spot every scam, but if the opposition gets even a little sloppy, they'll know it in a minute."

"I guess that's the best we can do." Phule sighed. "I only wish we had some kind of extra edge."

"You do," the instructor insisted. "I told you before, that little girl you got, Mother, is gonna make it real hard for anyone to get cute. She's superb. And I don't say that about many people. Easily the best `eye-in-the-sky' person I've ever seen. Even my own people had trouble pulling stuff while she was watching. In fact, I'd like to talk to her before I leave about maybe hiring her myself when her enlistment's up ... if it's all right with you."

"You can certainly try talking to her," Phule said, smiling, but I don't think you'll get far. She's deathly shy when it comes to face-to-face conversation. That's why we had the whole camera and microphone setup in the first place. If you really want to talk to her, I suggest you borrow one of our communicators and talk to her over that."

"That reminds me," Tullie said, clicking his fingers. "I wanted to be sure to thank you for setting up that crazy camera and mike rig. It's the weirdest thing I've seen in a long time, but it worked like a charm. In fact, I'm thinking of trying the same thing back at my school and adding `eye-in-the-sky' to my curriculum. I owe you one for that. I don't think there's another school going that offers that kind of training."

What Tullie was referring to was the special training Phule had arranged for the company's communications specialist, Mother. Knowing that her shyness would negate her effectiveness on public duty, he had suggested to her, and she agreed, that she stand duty in the casino's eye-in-the-sky center. This was the room in any casino which monitored the closed-circuit cameras hidden in the ceilings over the various gaming tables.

These cameras were equipped with zoom lenses to allow close scrutiny of any dealer, player, or card, and were one of the casino's main defenses against cheats on either side of the table.

In an effort to train her for this duty, Phule had rented a half-dozen closed-circuit cameras and microphones and set them up over the tables where the Legionnaires were receiving their instruction so Mother could hear and see what was going on in her accustomed anonymity. Tullie had been skeptical about the arrangement at first, until Phule gave him a headset so that he could carry on a two-way conversation with Mother as the lessons were in progress. Even the cynical instructor was impressed with the speed with which Mother picked up the table routines, and her ability to spot any deviation from them, though it wasn't clear if he was more taken with the innovative training system or with Mother herself.

"Is that to say I can expect a discounted rate for your services?" Phule asked innocently.

Tullie favored him with a smile.

"I can see why your troops like you, Mr. Phule," he said. "A sense of humor like yours doesn't come along just every day."

"That's what people tell me," the commander said, smiling back to show he hadn't really expected the instructor to cut his profits. "Well, unless there are any further questions, I think we've pretty much covered everything."

He glanced at his lieutenants for confirmation, but it was Tullie who spoke.

"If you don't mind, Mr. Phule, I've got a question myself."

"What's that, Tullie?"

"Well, like I said, your boys have picked up a lot of information about gambling scams during this flight, and part of our deal was that none of my school's records would show them as students, right?"