Robert Asprin - The Cold Cash War

"Don't short-sell them, Steve. They fight as hard as we do. Just in different ways."

"I suppose." Tidwell turned away and lit another cigarette, leaning back against the railing.

"What's eating you today, Steve? You seem kinda on edge?"

"I dunno. I keep getting the feeling something's about to happen."

"What?"

"I dunno. Maybe it's just nerves. I'm not used to just standing around."

"Just the wind-down after being in the field so long. You'll get over it."

They stood in silence for a few moments. Then Tidwell eased off the railing, and ground out his cigarette in an ashtray.

"Clancy, what do you know about samurai?"

"Not much. They were bad-ass fighters as individuals, but not much as an army."

"Do you know what happened to them?"

"No. Outmoded when gunpowder came in, I guess."

"Wrong-they got done in by a change in the system."

"How's that?"

"Well, they were professional bodyguards when Japan was essentially a bunch of small countries each lorded over by a warlord. Anyone who was wealthy and landed maintained a brace of samurai to keep his neighbors from taking it all away from him. The constant raiding and feuds kept them busy for quite a few generations. Then the country became united under one emperor who extended his protection over the whole shebang. All of a sudden the samurai were unnecessary and expensive, the clans were disbanded, and they were reduced to beggars and outlaws."

"And you're worried about that happening to us?"

"It's a possibility."

"There are other options."

"Such as?"

"Well, for openers..."

"Wait a minute." Tidwell was suddenly alert and moving along the railing. A group of some twenty mercenaries had just entered and were standing just inside the glass doors.

"Who are those men?" Tidwell leaned on the railing and craned his neck, trying to see a familiar face in the group.

"They're our relief."

"Relief? What relief? We're supposed to be on guard for another..." He stopped abruptly.

Clancy was holding his favorite derringer leveled at him, the bore immense when viewed from the front.

"What's this?"

"It'll all be clear in a few minutes. In the meantime, just take my word that those men are here with peaceful intentions."

"Who are they?"

"Some of the guys from my old outfit."

"Your old outfit? You mean during..."

"During the Russo-Chinese War, right. The C-Block is about to break their communications silence, and we're delivering the message."

"Since when did you work for the C-Block?"

"Never stopped."

"I see. Well, now what?"

"Now you tell the guards they're relieved. Tell 'em it's bonus time off or something, but make it sound natural. My men have been briefed on you and your team and will be watching for anything out of line."

"I thought you said this was peaceful."

"It is, but we don't want anyone going off halfcocked before we have our say."

"So all I have to do is dismiss the men."

"Right. But stick around. I think you'll find this kinda interesting."

"Wouldn't miss it for the world."

If Fred had not been already bored with the opening comments from the chairman pro tem, he probably would not have noticed the mercenaries entering the auditorium, but curiosity made him watch first leisurely, then with growing interest as the patterns formed. Four of them spreading quietly along the back walkway. Three more appearing in the balcony. Fred straightened slightly. Were the two by the door holding weapons on the stone-faced mercenary leaning against the back wall?

Something was up. What was it? Had an assassin been infiltrated into the meeting? A bomb threat?

Fred's eyes scanned the assemblage uneasily. His eyes met those of the stone-faced mercenary in the back who arched one eyebrow in surprise, then slowly and solemnly winked at him.

What was up? Oh, well, they'd know soon enough. One of the mercenaries flanked by two others was approaching the podium. The chairman noted their approach and interrupted his speech. He stepped down and spoke briefly with the center mercenary. The delegates took advantage of the interruption to converse and shift back and forth. Fred watched the conversation. It seemed to be growing more heated. Suddenly the chairman broke away shaking his head angrily and started back for the podium. The mercenary he had been talking to gestured to one of his flankers. The man stepped in behind the chairman and chopped him across the back of the neck with his hand. The chairman crumpled to the floor.

Jesus Christ! What was going on? The delegates recoiled in horror as the mercenary dragged the chairman to a vacant seat where they deposited him in an unceremonious heap, then turned to face the assemblage. As their apparent leader took over the podium, the audience sank into silence.

"Well, folks, it looks like I'm going to have to do this without an introduction."

He paused as if expecting a laugh. There was only silence as the delegates watched him coldly.

"Some of you may recognize me as one of your mercenaries. We have a proposal to put before the council and..."

"What the hell is this?"

A voice rang out from the audience, which was quickly echoed by several other indignant delegates. Clancy raised his hand, and suddenly the other mercenaries were moving into position along the edge of the room, drawing their weapons as they went. The assemblage suddenly submerged into silence once more.

"I do apologize for the unorthodox nature of this presentation, but I'll have to ask that you hear me out before any questions are raised. What is more, I'll have to ask you to listen quietly and not make any sudden outbursts or movements. The boys are a little jumpy and we wouldn't want them to think you were getting hostile when you really weren't."

Fred shot a glance back at the stern-faced mercenary who shrugged as if to say he didn't know what was happening either.

"Now, as I was starting to say, we are a coalition of mercenaries. Our current employers are the people you refer to as the C-Block."

Fred felt his flesh turn cold. Commies! They were being held at gunpoint by a pack of Commies!

"We are relaying a proposal to you from our employers. What we are offering you is a lasting world peace. Now let me elaborate on that before everyone panics. In the past, when someone offers world peace, it's usually on their terms. 'Do things my way and nobody will get hurt!' Well, this isn't what we're saying. We aren't saying the free world should convert to communism, or that the Communists should go imperialistic. We are proposing a method by which both ideals can be left free to pattern their lives according to the dictates of their conscience and traditions."

Neat trick if you can do it. Fred was nonetheless interested.

"One of the purposes of this Council is to determine how much support you feel you should give the governments in the way of taxes. Part and parcel with this is an appraisal of how much they really need. We would suggest that the governments of the world can cut a major portion of their expense by disbanding their armed forces."

A murmur rippled through the delegates which quickly subsided as they remembered they were under the guns.

"What we propose to replace the multitude of individual armies with is one worldwide army of hard-core professionals, mercenaries if you will, paid equally by the corporations and the C-Block. It would be their job to maintain world peace, moving to block any country or group who attempted a forceful infringement on their neighbors. This was tried unsuccessfully once by the United Nations. It failed for two reasons. First, the nations still kept their armed forces, giving them a capacity for attacking each other; and second, the UN forces were not given adequate power to do their job. May I assure the assemblage that if we say we will stop a conflict, it will be stopped."