J. Curtis - Calexit - The Anthology

-pause-

“How pissed off?”

“I can’t be sure. But I can tell you this: Before today I never saw an arrest warrant with arrest with prejudice as the leading line.”

“I don’t know if you have a place to lie low, but you sure as hell can’t come back to Sacramento.”

-pause-

“Of course it had to be Terry Branch throwing you under the bus. Nobody else has enough on you.”

-pause-

“Look, you gotta wait this out. It sounds like they are going to smack you around some. Sure, they would have believed you before they would believe an idiot like Terry. You know that’s why everybody calls him a “Bakersfield Bullshitter”… but Terry already ratted on you and they believe him now. You gotta find some place that is out of sight and let things calm down.”

-pause-

“Palm Springs? You have family in Palm Springs? That could work. Maybe you can slip into Mexico or Arizona from there.”

-pause-

“Oh, you are already half way there? That is a bit of good luck. You probably ought to ditch the car. They have trackers in them you know. Can you hitch a ride to Palm Springs?”

-pause-

“Yes, I know you are very resourceful.”

“Write me when you settle down, where ever you end up going.”

Entire conversation, both sides, recorded and subsequently transcribed by voice-to-text and permanently stored in the server farms for posterity.

Mardi and Chad looked up when they heard the sound of knocking on the door.

Most folks around here “Yoo-Hooed” from outside, especially during the summer. Folks kept their windows open to catch a breeze.

“I wonder who that is.” Mardi said.

“I guess I’ll go see.” Chad replied.

The sound of the knocking became more insistent as Chad walked to the door.

Opening the door, he saw a stout woman who was grossly overdressed for the high 80’s of the early evening.

“What may I do for you?” Chad politely asked her.

“It’s not ‘what you can do for me’. You are going to do what I tell you to do.” The woman corrected him in a command voice.

Chad was taken aback. The woman’s rudeness clearly identified her as being from the Big City. It was equally clear that she was a fish out of water. She was wearing what city people call “sensible shoes” with her severely tailored, houndstooth patterned suit. Shoes that are called “sensible” in the big city look pretty stupid on people walking on gravel and rutted roads. Chad could not see where she had parked, but it was clearly more than a quarter mile away. Whoever his visitor was, walking was not her favorite mode of transportation.

Mardi hearing the voices walked up behind Chad. “Oh. It is you.”

Then Mardi said, “Chad, allow me the pleasure of introducing you to Lois Gale-Lienhart-Diaz. She is the woman who is overseeing our probation with The Cali Department of Education.”

Mardi rarely stooped to sarcasm, so Chad knew that Mardi had been deeply hurt by this woman.

“Please step in.” Chad told the woman.

The woman was looking around as she entered. Apparently she found the interior slightly more to her taste than she had found the sun-blasted exterior as her face lost a little bit of the sucking-on-a-sour-lemon look.

Picking the most comfortable looking chair, she sat down without being invited.

She resumed her conversation by announcing, “You are going to give me a ride to Palm Springs.”

Chad said, “You obviously have us confused with somebody else. Palm Springs is more than three hundred miles away and we don’t have a car.”

“Look, let’s get one thing straight. I have you guys by the balls. I am not asking for your opinions. I am telling you what you are going to do.” Lois said.

Chad looked over at Mardi and saw she was about to lose it. This woman obviously had a flair for getting underneath people’s skin.

“Honey. It’s okay. I will make it happen.” Chad said to Mardi. “I need to go over and get Fast Eddie’s motorcycle.” He looked over at Lois and said, “I know that they send Cali workers into the field with chits for one hundred gallons of gasoline. I need all one hundred of them because the motorcycle does not burn air.”

Lois said, “I am not giving you any gasoline rations.”

Chad said, “Then how do you expect to get where we are going?”

Lois said, “I will pay as we go.”

Chad said, “Well, Ma’am, that might seem like a good idea here in this room, but things are falling apart out there. What do you think all them country boys at the gas station are going to think when they see you reaching into that fanny pack for gas chits? Do you think they are going to say, “I love Cali and let’s give this dear lady a discount.” or do you think they are going to say, “Good God! I bet she has a thousand chits in that purse. I am going to charge five chits to the gallon.”?”

“Besides, I have to give Fast Eddie something for the use of his motorcycle. It is the only game in town and he does not have to loan it to me.” Chad said.

Lois looked into her fanny pack and said, “I only have seventy left. I have been driving that car for a month.”

Chad said, “It will have to do.” Took the chits and left the house by the back door.

Chad was thinking that he had seen people like Lois before. The technique of getting people off balance and to keep pushing them so they could not regain their balance is a very old technique. In fact, compared to his gold standard for that behavior, she was the rankest of amateurs. There was not a single Drill Instructor at Parris Island who could not have torn Lois to shreds. The techniques he had perfected in the military to manage overbearing NCOs would be more than adequate for handling Lois.

“I am not going to ride that thing!” were the first words out of Lois’s mouth when she saw the old Suzuki dirt bike.

Chad grinned. “The way I see it, you have two choices. Ride or walk.” He was starting to enjoy this. Lois was now the one who was off balance.

“Where is my helmet?” Lois demanded.

“You don’t get one. There is only one helmet and I get it because I am driving.” Chad said.

“I get a helmet because I am paying.” Lois retorted.

“You don’t get it, do you? What happens if the driver catches a bumblebee when going fifty miles an hour? Instant road pizza is what happens. To both of us.” Chad said. “I get the helmet.”

“If it gets too windy, just press your face against my back. I promise I won’t think you are flirty.” Chad said.

Mardi laughed. She LOVED seeing Lois uncomfortable. Lois might think she was in charge but she was clearly out of her element.

Chad said, “We gotta get rolling. It is going to get dark soon.”

He revved up the bike and slllooowwwly feathered out the clutch to get the temperamental bike rolling.

At Lois’s insistence, they kept off the freeway and traveled along backroads. Lois also had them ride around the larger towns. This is something that Chad loved to do but rarely had a chance. He was stunned to see dozens of people aimlessly walking along the roads.

He stopped at a convenience store and confirmed that he was seeing the Walkers that Ken had been telling him about. They were shambling along looking for anything that was edible, even almost edible, to stuff into their stomachs.

Chad shook his head. He devoutly believed that the Cali’s Central Valley was the most fertile land on earth if given a little bit of water and TLC. And here were people starving to death right in the middle of it.

Chad coasted the bike to a stop between Richgrove and Quality. “This is where we part ways. You have to get off.”