Robert Heinlein - The Number of the Beast

"Captain Jacob-"

"Not now, Hilda. I must settle this with-"

"Captain, I am required to advise you."

"Eh? All right, all right! Make it snappy."

"You know-we all know-that Zebbie's premonitions must not be ignored. I advise you officially- Gay Deceiver, record this 'I-tell-you-three-times."

"Hilda, I hear you three times."

"Captain Jacob, I, your second-in-command, advise you officially to revise the schedule of rotations in the fashion recommended by the copilot. End of I-tell-you-three-times."

(Have you ever found yourself boxed in? Damn it, I intended to let Zeb do it his way; I am not unreasonable. I can't say that I believe in Zeb's premonitions; I suspect that he is simply a man with extremely fast reflexes. But both our wives believe in them and Zeb does himself. I found myself faced with mutiny unless I did exactly what I had intended to do anyway! How does one describe 50 ironical a situation?)

Shortly I found myself saying, "Copilot, by revised schedule, set second rotation of first group." We were in "Sagan" orbit around Mars of Universezero (i.e., the one we had grown up in: Galactic coordinates X0, Y0, Z0, & t0- Earth-zero, Mars-zero, Sun-zero, Universe-zero). I tend to think of this as the "real" universe even though I am aware that there is no evidence or mathematical theory for preferring one frame of reference over another-to do so is egocentric provincialism at its worst. But I offer this in mitigation: for us it was simplest and thereby helped us to avoid getting lost.

"Set," Copilot Zeb reported. I went forward, checked the setting (rotation around 'y,' with 'z' and 't' dropping out, null), then returned to my seat. "We can spare a minute to look at Mars. Deety, tilt the nose down to let us look. Do you know how?"

"Like this, Captain?"

"Right," I agreed. "Keep it up."

Deety raised the craft's nose and swung right, catching me with belts not yet fastened. I said forcefully, "Deety! What the hell are you doing?" while I floundered and grabbed.

"Sir, you ordered 'right' and 'up," Deety answered.

"I did no such thing!"

"But, Jacob-Captain-you did tell her that, I heard you."

"Hilda, you keep out of this!"

Hilda answered stiffly, "Captain, I respectfully request that you either relieve me of the conn, or that you give orders to my pilots through me."

"Damn it, you don't have the conn. I do."

"Then the Captain neglected to relieve me."

"Uh- Take the conn! Carry out the planned schedule."

"Aye aye, sir. Chief Pilot, orient the car for best view of Mars."

"Aye aye, Ma'am!"

I was fuming, not looking, hardly listening. I had said to Deety, All right, keep on with it-or had I? Gay could play it back... and could also check on Hilda's incredible allegation. If I were wrong (I felt certain I was not!), I would face up to it like a man and- Zeb broke in on my thoughts:

Captain, do you care what attitude this craft is in at rotation?"

"No. Only for transitions."

"Hmm- Then it follows as the night from day thou canst not then predict the attitude we'll be in whenever we arrive in a new universe."

Only with respect to our arbitrary zero reference frame. Why should it matter?"

"It Won't as long as we arrive with plenty of room. I've been noodling how to be sure of that. I don't see an answer. But I don't want to try translations

or rotations parked on the ground. I hope the Captain won't order any."

"Copilot, I have no plans to. Astrogator, haven't we had enough sightseeing?"

"Very well, Captain," my wife acknowledged. "Deety, secure those binoculars. Zebbie, immediately after each rotation, set next rotation and report 'Set.' Deety, after each rotation, use .voice program to put us through one Pigeon-Tumble with all lights out. I will watch to port, Deety forward, Zebbie starboard. Questions?"

I said, "Astrogator, you did not assign me a sector."

"I have no authority to assign duties to the Captain. Does the Captain wish to select a sector and assume responsibility for it?"

She waited. I said hastily, "No. Perhaps it will be best for me to watch in all directions. General supervision."

"Very well, Captain. Copilot-execute."

Again we rotated into darkness. Deety switched out all lights. Zeb reported, "Set!"

"Stop!" I called out. I added, "Zeb, you reported 'Set' in total darkness. How did you set it?"

"Rotation around 'z' axis, with 'x' and 'y' dropping out. Duration along Teh. Third combo first group, sir."

"I mean, 'How did you do it in darkness?' By clicks?"

"Captain, I didn't do it in darkness."

I said, "It was pitch dark when you reported 'Set."

"So it was, Captain."

"It's not necessary to call me 'Captain' every ten seconds. I want a straight answer. So far you have reported that you set it in darkness and that you set it with lights on."

"No, sir."

"God damn it, you just did!"

"Captain, I protest your swearing at me. I request that my protest be logged."

"Zeb, you are-" I shut up. I counted thirty in French under my breath, by which time I was ready to speak. "Zeb, I'm sorry that my language offended you. But I am still trying to find out what you did and how. Will you please tell me, in simple language?"

"Yes, sir. I set the third rotation by clicks-"

"But you said the lights were on-"

"The lights were on. I set the rotation with my eyes closed-"

"For God's sake, why?"

"For practice. I set them with eyes closed. Then I check to see whether it matches what I intended to set. Deety leaves the light on until I give her the 'kill it' sign. Then she kills the glim and does her act."

"Zeb, there wasn't time to do it that way."

Zeb gave a most irritating grin. "Captain, I'm fairly quick. So is Deety." I said, "Perhaps I had better check the setting."

Zeb made no answer; both women kept still. I began to wonder what everyone was waiting on... then realized that I was the "what." Unbelt and check

on Zeb's setting? I remembered that irritating grin. So I said, "Deety, carry out the tumbling routine."

The somersault completed, I asked, "Anyone see anything?" Hilda said, "I... think so. Captain, could we do that again?" "Do it, Deety," I ordered.

Pigeon-Tumble resumed; Hilda suddenly said, "There!" and Deety snapped, "GayDeceiverStop!"

I asked, "Hilda, do you still see it?"

"Yes, Jacob. A fuzzy star. You can see it if I pull back and you lean forward."

I suppose we each did so-for I spotted something. "I see it! Zeb-the binoculars, please."

An invisible hand pushed them against my neck. I got them lined up with difficulty, got that faint light, focused with great care. "It looks like a lenticular galaxy seen not quite edge on. Or it might be a family of galaxies. Whatever it is, it is a long way off. Millions of light-years-I have no way of guessing."

"Can we reach it by transition?" asked Zeb.

"Possibly. I would set middle range on 'six,' then keep punching until it showed change in width. It might be possible to reach it in an hour or so. Do you want to look at it?"

"From your description, I don't think so," Zeb answered. "That is fossil light-isn't it?"

"Eh? Yes, the light has been traveling for millions of years."

"That's my point, Captain. We might find that those stars had burned out. Fossil light doesn't tell us anything we can use. Let's designate this 'Last Chance' and get out."

Eminently sensible- "Stand by to rotate. Copilot-execute!"

Blinding light- "Zeb! Rotate! Execute!"

Suddenly we were in a starry void, almost homelike. I heaved a sigh of relief. "Zeb, what did we fall into?"

"I don't know, Captain." He added, "I had my eyes closed, setting the next rotation by clicks. So I didn't get dazzled. But I never had a chance to check my setting by eyesight, either; I rotated at once."