Robert Heinlein - The Number of the Beast

"-we place no faith in princes."

Deety:

We had a busy night. I had Gay display bingo dots for every stop we made- then circles around any that were supply dumps.

There were indeed supply dumps!

I spent the whole trip thinking: Where would I be if I were a supply dump? Where would 'thopters have to land? Where could they get more water? Squeaky, Hilda, Pop, Zebadiah-and possibly Gay-were thinking the same thing.

We got back at half after one, the job done. The Hillbilly turned the results over to Squeaky and we went to bed.

Next morning at eleven our "roadable" arrived-without Squeaky. He sent an apologetic note saying that Lieutenant Bean knew what we expected and would add anything we asked for. -

Captain Auntie had not taken breakfast in bed. I woke about nine local, found her at work-packing her dress clothes and Pop's back into plastic pillow covers, then into a borrowed portmanteau. Our fresh laundry, given to us by the night maid on our return, was in another piece of borrowed luggage.

The Hillbilly was on her knees in our drawing room. She looked up, smiled and said, "Good morning. Better slide into your jump suit, dear; maids come in and out rather casually."

"Doesn't bother me, I've been caught twice already-"

"But it bothers them. Not kind, dear, with servants. Especially with involuntary servants. They'll be in to load the sideboard any moment. Will you fetch yours and Zebbie's dress clothes here? I'll pack for you."

"I'll pack 'em, thanks. I was thinking about sliding back into bed with a nice warm man but your mention of food changed my mind. Hillbilly, what's the rush?"

"Deety, I'm carrying out my own orders. When I brush my teeth after breakfast, the toothbrush goes into my purse. As for the rush, our husbands will wake soon. I have found that it is more practical to present a man with a fait accompli than a discussion."

"I hear you three times, doll baby. When they get up, they'll want to eat. When our roadable shows up, they'll be sitting over second cups of coffee. Then they'll say, 'We'll do it when we come back. Mustn't keep the Brigadier waiting.' Okay, I'll grab our gear and we'll sneak it out before they wake. I'll carry the heavy ones."

"We are not permitted to carry anything, Deety. But the place is swarming with maids. You sound much married."

"Five years' practice on Pop. But, Hillbilly, even Pop is easy to handle if you think ahead."

"I'm learning. Deety, what shall we do about the maids?"

"Huh?"

"In the days when servants were common, it was polite for house guests to tip servants who served them personally. But how, Deety? I have two twentyfive-newdollar bills in the lining of my purse. Waste paper."

"Pop and Zebadiah have gold. I know exactly because it was mass enough that I had to figure it into the loading, mass and moment arm. Here's a giggle. These misers we married had each squirreled away the same weight of gold to four significant figures. So maids are no problem if you know how much to tip-I don't. We'll be buying local money today to pay for a number of things."

"Leftenant" Bean-or "Brian"-is a delightful fuzzy puppy and a volunteer in order to have served "Beyond the Sky." He managed to call me "Deety" and Zebadiah "Zeb" when invited, but he could not bring himself to shift from "Captain Burroughs" to "Hilda"-"Captain Hilda" was as far as he would go, and Pop was "Professor."

He was pleased that we liked his "roadable." You wouldn't believe it! A large, wooden flatbed wagon with an upright steam engine in back; a trailer with cordwood; a sailing-ship's wheel in front of the engine; this controlled the front wheels by ropes that ran underneath. Midway was a luggage pen, then in front were four benches, for twelve to sixteen people.

With a crew of five!

Engine driver, fireman, conductor, and two steersmen- The conductor sat on a high perch braced to the pen and told the others what to do and occasionally rang a bell or blew a whistle. The bell told other traffic to get out of the way; the whistle warned that the vehicle was about to start or stop. There was much traffic but few "roadables"-most common were pedalled tricycles, for passengers and freight. Large versions had as many as a dozen men pedalling at once.

"I daresay you know," said Brian, "that we have not been able to raise

horses. We haven't given up-we will develop a breed that will prosper here. But once we have horses, this will, I venture to predict, become a proper colony-and not just a place to send reformable evildoers and to obtain raw pharmaceuticals."

"Pharmaceuticals?"

"Oh, definitely! The thing that makes the colony self-supporting. I daresay the descendants of these convicts will be wealthy. I will show you the fields- all in the weed-a cant word for Cannabis Magnifica Martia-except acreage for food crops. Brigadier Hird-Jones suggested Norfolk Plantation." He smiled. "Shall we?"

"Just a moment," Aunt Hilda said. "If I understood the Brigadier's note, we can vary the program?"

"Captain Hilda, the carriage and I are at your disposal as long as you wish. My orders and my pleasure."

"Brian, I have clothing being made up. I was told that sewing would continue through the night. Where should we go to inquire?"

"Here and now. I fancy I saw a package being delivered while we've been chatting; it could be yours. It would go to the chief housekeeper, who would have it placed in your digs-the Princess Suite, is it not?"

"Yes. Brian, I'll slip upstairs and see."

"Please, no!" Brian made a small gesture; a private soldier appeared out of nowhere. "Smathers, my greetings to Mrs. Digby. Has a package arrived for Captain Burroughs?"

"Sir!"

"Hold it! Brian, if it has arrived, I want it fetched here."

I could see the look in Brian's eye that Pop gets just before he starts demanding explanations for female "unreasonable" behavior. But Brian simply added, "If the package has arrived, tell Mrs. Digby that it must be delivered here at once. Double time, so to speak."

"Sir!" The private stomped an about-face and broke into a run. Hilda said, "Thank you, Brian. If I place it in our craft, it is one less detail to remember. Your kindness eases my mind."

"A pleasure, Captain Hilda."

"Hilda, that clothing is not yet paid for."

"Oh, dear! You are right, Jacob. Leftenant, where does one exchange gold for local money? Do you know the rate of exchange? In grams?"

"Or in Troy ounces," I added.

Brian behaved as if he had not heard us. He turned toward his "roadable." "Parkins! Take a turn around the circle! When you return, I want that steam up high. So that we won't creep in starting."

"Roight, sir." The wagon moved off, at a headlong slow walk.

When no one else was in earshot Brian said quietly, "I missed what you Were saying because of engine noise. But let me mention in passing that Possession of gold by individuals is not permitted so I-am-happy-to-learn-thatYOu-have..none," he said, not letting himself be interrupted. "Let me add," he went on, "that since I handle secret and most-secret despatches, I know things that I don't know, if I make my meaning clear. For example, I am grateful that you four were willing to lose sleep last night. Others feel strong obligations to such good friends. The Brigadier mentioned that you might have purchases to make or bills to pay. I was instructed to charge anything you need or want- or fancy-to the Imperial Household, signing his name and appending my signature."

"Oh, that's most unfair!"

"Truly, Captain? I fancy that those in authority will find something to add until you feel that you have been treated generously."

"That's not what she means, son," put in Pop. "Unfair' in the opposite direction. We pay for what we get."