Robert Heinlein - The Moon Is a Harsh Mistress

"I surely can! All of them?"

"How many does he have?"

"Six."

"Well... program to give them all a push, enough to soak his rugs. But if you can spot one nearest his bedroom, fountain it clear to ceiling. Can?"

"Program set up!"

"Good. Now for your present, ducky." There was room in voder audio box to hide it and I spent forty minutes with number-three, getting it just so. We trial-checked through voder-vocoder, then I told him to call Wyoh and check each circuit.

For ten minutes was silence, which I spent putting tool markers on a cover plate which should have been removed had been anything wrong, putting tools away, putting number-six arm on, rolling up one thousand jokes waiting in print-out. I had found no need to cut out audio of voder; Mike had thought of it before I had and always chopped off any time door was touched. Since his reflexes were better than mine by a factor of at least a thousand, I forgot it.

At last he said, "All twenty circuits okay. I can switch circuits in the middle of a word and Wyoh can't detect discontinuity. And I called Prof and said Hello and talked to Mum on your home phone, all three at the same time."

"We're in business. What excuse you give Mum?"

"I asked her to have you call me, Adam Selene that is. Then we chatted. She's a charming conversationalist. We discussed Greg's sermon of last Tuesday."

"Huh? How?"

"I told her I had listened to it, Man, and quoted a poetic part."

"Oh, Mike!"

"It's okay, Man. I let her think that I sat in back, then slipped out during the closing hymn. She's not nosy; she knows that I don't want to be seen."

Mum is nosiest female in Luna. "Guess it's okay. But don't do it again. Um-- Do do it again. You go to--you monitor-- meetings and lectures and concerts and stuff."

"Unless some busybody switches me off by hand! Man, I can't control those spot pickups the way I do a phone."

"Too simple a switch. Brute muscle rather than solid-state flipflop."

"That's barbaric. And unfair."

"Mike, almost everything is unfair. What can't be cured--"

"--must be endured. That's a funny-once, Man."

"Sorry. Let's change it: What can't be cured should be tossed out and something better put in. Which we'll do. What chances last time you calculated?"

"Approximately one in nine, Man."

"Getting worse?"

"Man, they'll get worse for months. We haven't reached the crisis."

"With Yankees in cellar, too. Oh, well. Back to other matter. From now on, when you talk to anyone, if he's been to a lecture or whatever, you were there, too--and prove it, by recalling something."

"Noted. Why, Man?"

"Have you read 'The Scarlet Pimpernel'? May be in public library."

"Yes. Shall I read it back?"

"No, no! You're our Scarlet Pinipernel, our John Galt, our Swamp Fox, our man of mystery. You go everywhere, know everything, slip in and out of town without passport. You're always there, yet nobody catches sight of you."

His lights rippled, he gave a subdued chuckle. "That's fun, Man. Funny once, funny twice, maybe funny always."

"Funny always. How long ago did you stop gymkhana at Warden's?"

"Forty-three minutes ago except erratic booms."

"Bet his teeth ache! Give him fifteen minutes more. Then I'll report job completed."

"Noted. Wyoh sent you a message, Man. She said to remind you of Billy's birthday party."

"Oh, my word! Stop everything, I'm leaving. 'Bye!" I hurried out. Billy's mother is Anna. Probably her last--and right well she's done by us, eight kids, three still home. I try to be as careful as Mum never to show favoritism... but Billy is quite a boy and I taught him to read. Possible he looks like me.

Stopped at Chief Engineer's office to leave bill and demanded to see him. Was let in and he was in belligerent mood; Warden had been riding him. "Hold it," I told him. "My son's birthday and shan't be late. But must show you something."

Took an envelope from kit, dumped item on desk: corpse of house fly which I had charred with a hot wire and fetched. We do not tolerate flies in Davis Tunnels but sometimes one wanders in from city as locks are opened. This wound up in my workshop just when I needed it. "See that? Guess where I found it."

On that faked evidence I built a lecture on care of fine machines, talked about doors opened, complained about man on watch. "Dust can ruin a computer. Insects are unpardonable! Yet your watchstanders wander in and out as if tube station. Today both doors held open--while this idiot yammered. If I find more evidence that cover plates have been removed by hoof-handed choom who attracts flies--well, it's your plant, Chief. Got more than I can handle, been doing your chores because I like fine machines. Can't stand to see them abused! Good-bye."

"Hold on. I want to tell you something."

"Sorry, got to go. Take it or leave it, I'm no vermin exterminator; I'm a computerman."

Nothing frustrates a man so much as not letting him get in his say. With luck and help from Warden, Chief Engineer would have ulcers by Christmas.

Was late anyhow and made humble apology to Billy. Alvarez had thought up new wrinkle, close search on leaving Complex. I endured it with never a nasty word for Dragoons who searched me; wanted to get home. But those thousand jokes bothered them. "What's this?" one demanded.

"Computer paper," I said. "Test runs."

His mate joined him. Don't think they could read. They wanted to confiscate, so I demanded they call Chief Engineer. They let me go. I felt not displeased; more and more such and guards were daily more hated.

Decision to make Mike more a person arose from need to have any Party member phone him on occasion; my advice about concerts and plays was simply a side effect. Mike's voice over phone had odd quality I had not noticed during time I had visited him only at Complex. When you speak to a man by phone there is background noise. And you hear him breathe, hear heartbeats, body motions even though rarely conscious of these. Besides that, even if he speaks under a hush hood, noises get through, enough to "fill space," make him a body with surroundings.

With Mike was none of this.

By then Mike's voice was "human" in timbre and quality, recognizable. He was baritone, had North American accent with Aussie overtones; as "Michelle" he (she?) had a light soprano with French flavor. Mike's personality grew also. When first I introduced him to Wyoh and Prof he sounded like a pedantic child; in short weeks he flowered until I visualized a man about own age.

His voice when he first woke was blurred and harsh, hardly understandable. Now it was clear and choice of words and phrasing was consistent--colloquial to me, scholarly to Prof, gallant to Wyoh, variation one expects of mature adults.

But background was dead. Thick silence.

So we filled it. Mike needed only hints. He did not make his breathing noisy, ordinarily you would not notice. But he would stick in touches. "Sorry, Mannie, you caught me bathing when the phone sounded"--and let one hear hurried breathing. Or "I was eating--had to swallow." He used such even on me, once he undertook to "be a human body."

We all put "Adam Selene" together, talking it over at Raffles. How old was he? What did he look like? Married? Where did he live? What work? What interests?

We decided that Adam was about forty, healthy, vigorous, well educated, interested in all arts and sciences and very well grounded in history, a match chess player but- little time to play. He was married in commonest type, a troika in which he was senior husband--four children. Wife and junior husband not in politics, so far as we knew.

He was ruggedly handsome with wavy iron-gray hair and was mixed race, second generation one side, third on other. Was wealthy by Loonie standards, with interests in Novylen and Kongville as well as L-City. He kept offices in Luna City, outer office with a dozen people plus private office staffed by male deputy and female secretary.