Terry Pratchett - The Bromeliad 2 - Diggers

"Nisodemus is causing trouble," he said, sitting down on a bench.

"I know," said Grimma vaguely. "I've heard." She grabbed the edge of thepage in both hands, and turned it over with a grunt of effort.

"I don't know what he's got to gain," said Dorcas.

"Power," said Grimma. "We've got a power vacuum, you see."

"I don't think we have," said Dorcas uncertainly. "I've never seen onehere. There were plenty in the store. 'Ninety-Nine Ninety-Five with Range of Attachments for Around-the-House Cleanliness,' " he added, remembering with a sigh the familiar signs.

"No, it's not a thing like that," said Grimma, "It's what you get when no one's in charge. I've been reading about them." "I'm in charge, aren't I?" said Dorcas plaintively.

"No," said Grimma. "Because no one really listens to you."

"Oh. Thank you very much."

"It's not your fault. People like Masklin and Angalo and Gurder can make people listen to them, but you don't seem to keep their attention."

"Oh."

"But you can make nuts and bolts listen to you. Not everyone can do that." Dorcas thought about this. He would never have put it like that himself.

Was it a compliment? He decided it probably was.

"When people are faced with lots of troubles and they don't know what to do, there's always someone ready to say anything, just to get some power," said Grimma.

"Never mind. When the others get back I'm sure they'll sort it all out," said Dorcas, more cheerfully than he felt. "Yes, they'll ..." Grimma began, and then stopped. After a while Dorcas realized that her shoulders were shaking. "Is there anything the matter?" he said.

"It's been more than three whole days!" sobbed Grimma. "No one's ever been away that long before! Something must have happened to them!" 'Er," said Dorcas. "Well, they were going to look for Grandson Richard, 39, and we can't be sure that-"

"And I was so nasty to him before he went! I told him about the frogs and all he could think of was socks!" Dorcas couldn't quite see how frogs had got involved. When he sat and talked to the Cat, frogs were never dragged into the conversation.

"Er?" he said. Grimma, in between sobs, told him about the frogs.

"And I'm sure he didn't even begin to understand what I meant," she mumbled. "And you won't either." "Oh, I don't know," said Dorcas. "You mean that the world was once so simple, and suddenly it's full of amazingly interesting things that you'll never ever get to the end of as long as you live. Like biology.

Or climatology. I mean, before all you Outsiders came, I was just tinkering with things and I really didn't know anything about the world." He stared at his feet. "I'm still very ignorant," he said, "but at least I'm ignorant about really important things. Like what the sun is, andwhy it rains. That's what you're talking about."

She sniffed, and smiled a bit, but not too much because if there is onething worse than someone who doesn't understand you it's someone who understands perfectly, before you've had a chance to have a good pout aboutnot being understood.

"The thing is, " she said, "that he still thinks I'm the person he usedto know when we all lived in the old hole in the bank. You know, runningaround. Cooking things. Bandaging up people when they'd beenhur-hur-hur-"

"Now then, now then," said Dorcas. He was always at a loss when peopleacted like this. When machines went funny you just oiled them or prodded them or, if nothing else worked, hit them with a hammer. Nomes didn'trespond well to this treatment.

"Supposing he never comes back?" she said, dabbing at her eyes.

"Of course he'll come back," said Dorcas reassuringly. "What could havehappened to him, after all?"

"He could have been eaten or run over or trodden on or blown away orfallen down a hole or trapped," said Grimma.

"Er, yes," said Dorcas. "Apart from that, I meant."

"But I shall pull myself together," said Grimma, sticking out her chin.

"When he does come back, he won't be able to say, 'Oh, I see everything'sgone to pieces while I've been away.' "

"Jolly good," said Dorcas. "That's the spirit. Keep yourself occupied, that's what I always say. What's the book called?"

"It's A Treasury of Proverbs and Quotations," said Grimma.

"Oh. Anything useful in it?"

"That," said Grimma distantly, "depends."

"Oh. What's proverbs mean?"

"Not sure. Some of them don't make much sense. Do you know, humans thinkthe world was made by a sort of big human?"

"No! Are you sure?"

"It took a week."

"I expect it had some help, then," said Dorcas. "You know. With the heavystuff." Dorcas thought of the Cat. You could do a lot in a week, with theCat helping.

"No. All by itself, apparently."

"Hmm." Dorcas considered this. Certainly bits of the world were rough, and things like grass seemed simple enough. But from what he'd heard itall broke down every year and had to be started up again in the spring, and ... "I don't know," he said. "Only humans could believe somethinglike that. I think you'd need more than one week. There's a good few months work, if I'm any judge."

Grimma turned the page. "Masklin used to believe-I mean, Masklinbelieves-that humans are much brighter than we think." She lookedthoughtful. "I really wish we could study them properly," she said.

"I'm sure we could learn a-"

For the second time, the alarm bell rang out across the quarry.

This time, the hand on the switch belonged to Nisodemus.

II. And Nisodemus said, You are betrayed, Peopleof the Store; III. Falsely you were led into This Outside ofRain and Cold and Humans and Order, and Yet itWill become Worse; IV. For there will be Sleet and Snow, and Hungerin the Land; V. And there will come Robins; VI. Urn.

VII. Yet those that brought you here, where arethey Now?

VIII. They said. We go to seek Grandson Richard,

39, but tribulation abounds on every side and nohelp comes. You are betrayed into the hands ofWinter.

IX. It is time to put aside things of the Outside.

-From the Book of Nome, Complaints, v. II-IX

"Yes. Well. That's hard to do, isn't it?" said a nome uneasily. "I mean, we are Outside." 'But I have a plan, " said Nisodemus.

"Ah," said the nomes, in unison. Plans were the thing. Plans were whatwas needed. You knew where you were, with a plan.

Grimma and Dorcas, almost the last to arrive, sidled their way into thecrowd. The old engineer was going to push his way to the front, butGrimma restrained him.

"Look at the others up there," she whispered.

There were quite a few nomes behind Nisodemus. Many of them Dorcasrecognized as Stationeri, but there were a few others from some of thegreat departmental families. They weren't looking at Nisodemus as hespoke, but at the crowd. Their eyes flickered back and forth, as thoughthey were searching for something.

"I don't like the look of this," said Grimma quietly. "The big familiesnever used to get on too well with the Stationeri, so why are they up there now.'

"Grubby pieces of work, some of them," said Dorcas.

Some of the Stationeri had been particularly upset about common, everyday nomes learning to read. They said it gave people ideas, Dorcasgathered, which were not a good thing unless they were the right kindof ideas. And some of the great families hadn't been too happy aboutnomes being able to go where they pleased, without having to askpermission.

They're all up there, he thought the nomes who haven't done so well sincethe Drive. They all lost a little power.

Nisodemus was explaining his plan. As he listened, Dorcas's mouth slowlydropped open.

It was magnificent in its way, that plan. It was like a machine whereevery single part was perfectly made, but had been put together by aone-handed nome in the dark. It was crammed full of good ideas which youcouldn't sensibly argue with, but they had been turned upside down. Thetrouble was, they were still ones you couldn't sensibly argue with, because the basically good idea was still in there somewhere.