Isaac Asimov - The Early Asimov. Volume 2

With measured steps, the masked horror nearest the Human-oids approached.

'Hello,' it said, and the mask lifted up and off. 'Back so soon?'

For quite a long while, Tubal and Sefan said absolutely nothing, while Wri Forase went into a protracted fit of coughing.

Finally, Tubal drew a long breath. 'You're one of the Earth-men, aren't you?'

'That's right. I'm Al Williams. Just call me Al.'

'They haven't killed you yet?'

Williams smiled happily. 'They haven't killed any of us. Quite the contrary. Gentlemen,' he bowed extravagantly, 'meet the new tribal - er - gods.'

'The new tribal what?' gasped Forase. He was still coughing.

'- er - gods. Sorry, but I don't know the Galactic word for a god.'

'What do you "gods" represent?'

'We're sort of supernatural entities - objects to be worshipped. Don't you get it?'

The Humanoids stared unhappily.

'Yes, indeed,' Williams grinned, 'we're persons of great power.'

'What are you talking about?' exclaimed Tubal indignantly. 'Why should they think you were of great power? You Earth people are below average physically - well below!'

'It's the psychology of the thing,' explained Williams. 'If they see us landing in a large, gleaming vehicle that travels mysteriously through the air, and then takes off in a burst of rocket-flame - they're bound to consider us supernatural. That's elementary barbaric psychology.'

Forase's eyes seemed on the point of dropping out as Williams continued.

'Incidentally, what detained you? We figure it was all a hazing of some sort, and it was, wasn't it?'

'Say,' broke in Sefan, 'I think you're feeding us a lot of bull! If they thought you people were gods, why didn't they think we were? We had the ship, too, and -'

'That,' said Williams, 'is where we started to interfere. We explained - via pictures and sign language - that you people were devils. When you finally came back - and say, were we glad to see that ship coming down - they knew what to do.'

'What,' asked Forase, with a liberal dash of awe in his voice, 'are "devils"?'

Williams sighed. 'Don't you Galaxy people know anything? Tubal moved his aching neck slowly. 'How about letting us up now?' he rumbled. 'I've got a crick in my neck.'

'What's your hurry? After all, you were brought here to be sacrificed in our honor.'

'Sacrificed!'

'Sure. You're to be carved up with knives.'

There was a horror-laden silence. 'Don't give us any of that comet-gas!' Tubal managed to grind out at last. 'We're not Earthmen who get panicky or scared, you know.'

'Oh, we know that! I wouldn't fool you for the world. But simple ordinary savage psychology always goes for a little human sacrifice, and-'

Sefan writhed against his bonds and tried to throw himself in a rage at Forase.

'I thought you said no one knew any sub-Humanoid psychology! Trying to alibi your ignorance, weren't you, you shriveled, fuzz-covered, pop-eyed son of a half-breed Vegan lizard! A fine mess we're in now!'

Forase shrank away. 'Now, wait! Just -'

Williams decided the joke had gone far enough.

'Take it easy,' he soothed. 'Your clever hazing blew up right in your faces - it blew up beautifully - but we're not going to carry it too far. I guess we've had enough fun out of you fellows. Sweeney is with the native chief now, explaining that we're leaving and taking you three with us. Frankly, I'll be glad to get going - Wait a while, Sweeney's calling me.'

When Williams returned two seconds later, his expression was peculiar, having turned a bit greenish. In fact, he got greener by the second.

'It looks,' he gulped throatily, 'as if our counter-haze has blow up in our faces. The native chief insists on the sacrifice!'

Silence brooded, while the three Humanoids thought over the state of affairs. For moments, none of them could say a word.

'I've told Sweeney,' Williams added, glumly, 'to go back and tell the chief, that if the doesn't do as we say, something terrible is going to happen to his tribe. But it's pure bluff and he may not fall for it. Uh, - I'm sorry, fellows. I guess we went too far. If it looks really bad, we'll cut you loose and join in the fight.'

'Cut us loose now,' growled Tubal, his blood running cold. 'Let's get this over with!'

'Wait!' cried Forase frantically. 'Let the Earthmen try some of his psychology. Go ahead, Earthman. Think hard!'

Williams thought until his brain began to hurt.

'You see,' he said weakly, 'we've lost some of our godlike prestige, ever since we were unable to cure the chief's wife. She died yesterday.' He nodded abstractedly to himself. 'What we need is an impressive miracle. Er - have you fellows anything in your pockets?'

He knelt beside them and began searching. Wri Forase had a stylus, a pocket-pad, a thin-toothed comb, some anti-itch powder, a sheaf of credits and a few odds and ends. Sefan had a collection of similar nondescript material.

It was from Tubal's hip pocket that Williams withdrew a small black gunlike object with a huge hand-grip and a short barrel.

'What's this?'

Tubal scowled. 'Is that what I've been sitting on all this while? It's a weld-gun that I used to fix up a meteor puncture in our ship. It's no good; power's almost-gone."

Williams' eyes kindled. His whole body galvanized with excitement.

'That's what you think! You Galaxy men never could see farther than your noses. Why don't you come down to Earth for a spell - and get a new point of view?'

Williams was running toward his fellow conspirators now.

'Sweeney,' he howled, 'you tell that damned monkey-tailed chief that in just about one second, I'm going to get sore and pull the whole sky down over his head. Get tough!'

But the chief did not wait for the message. He gestured defiance and the natives made a united rush. Tubal roared, and his muscles cracked against the bonds. The weld-gun in William's hand flared into life, its feeble power beaming outward.

The nearest native hut went up in sudden flames. Another followed - and another - and the fourth - and then the weld-gun went dead.

But it was enough. Not a native remained standing. All were groveling on their faces, wailing and shrieking for pardon. The chief wailed and shrieked loudest of all.

Tell the chief,' said Williams to Sweeney, 'that that's just a little, insignificant sample of what we're thinking of doing to him!'

To the Humanoids, as he cut the rawhide holding them, he added complacently,

'Just some simple, ordinary savage psychology.'

It was only after they were back in their ship and off in space again that Forase locked up his pride.

'But I thought Earthmen had never developed mathematical psychology! How did you know all that sub-Humanoid stuff? No one in the Galaxy has got that far yet!' 'Well,' Williams grinned, 'we have a certain amount of rule-of-thumb knowledge about the workings of the uncivilized mind. You see - we come from a world where most people, in a manner of speaking, are still uncivilized. So we have to know!'

Forase nodded slowly. 'You screwball Earthmen! At least, this little episode has taught us all one thing.'

'What's that?'

'Never,' said Forase, dipping a second time into Earth slang, 'get tough with a bunch of nuts. They may be nuttier than you think!'

In going through my stories while preparing this book, I found 'The Hazing' to be the only published story concerning which I could remember nothing from the title alone. Even as I reread it, nothing clicked. If I had been given the story without my name on it and had been asked to read it and guess the author, I would probably have been stumped. Maybe that means something.

It does seem to me, though, that the story is set against a 'Homo Sol' background.