Charles Sheffield: The Mind Pool

He stopped and crouched close to the ground. The light from the tamp in his hand seemed to be weakening, the boundary of the safe circle smaller and more poorly defined. He bit on his fingers, and stared out into the night.

Were those eyes there, flashing glints of green and yellow? As the lamp faded, they became brighter. Soon the eyes were staring in on him from all sides. He pushed with his hands at the dark boundary, hating it, wishing it farther away.

Suddenly he could not stand it any longer. He did not run, but he dropped to the ground and flattened his body. He scrabbled with his fingers at the hard dirt and glared upward. Far away on the horizon, the top of the big hill was glowing with its own smoky red light. He fixed his eyes on it, afraid to look again at the narrowing circle.

“Mummy, Mummy, Mummy, Mummy.” He said the incantation over and, over, beneath his breath. “Mummy, Mummy, Mummy, Mummy …” She was the only thing he had to hold onto in the whole world. But he dared not call out to her (Make a noise out there, or go running around, and there’d be nothing tomorrow to collect and take back…). He dared not even whimper.

He lay on the ground and shivered. He must not cry. He must not cry. He will not cry. She will come back soon . … she will come back soon … she will come back soon . …

Esro Mondrian does not know it, but dawn and rescue are ten hours away.

The sale to the basement warrens of the Gallimaufries will take place a few days later.

Tatty was talking to him, gripping him by the shoulders. “Chan. What s wrong? Why are you crying?”

“I can cry. I can, it’s all right.” Chan closed his mouth and snuffled in hard through his nose. “It’s all right.”

She put her arms around him. “What happened?”

“Memories. I know why Esro Mondrian couldn’t trust anything in the world. I know why he needed the Constructs so badly.”

They both became aware that Tatty was holding him to her chest. She released him and went back to the hassock. They were oddly embarrassed. She had been his first-ever lover, even if no more than a surrogate.

“I’ve known for a long time,” she said. “The Constructs were going to be his shield, his safety net out on the Perimeter. That’s why he had them built.”

“And they led to his destruction. Or maybe that was my fault. Or maybe yours.”

“Whoever it was, it was no more than justice.” Tatty did not hide her bitterness. “He was willing to destroy everybody else so he could keep the Constructs. Damn that man.”

“I’m sorry. I was trained to hate him — by you — but I didn’t know you were so angry.”

“You don’t know what hate is. If anyone has a right to hate Esro Mondrian, I do. He used me over and over — and I jumped at the chance.”

“That settles one thing.” Chan stood up. “I know all I need to know. I’ll go.”

She stared up at him, rubbing her brown eyes with a too-thin hand. You mean you came to see me, and you didn’t want anything from me? My God, that must be a first. I don’t think anybody has ever been down to see me without wanting something, except maybe poor old Kubo. He comes and we take our Paradox shots, and then we sit there grinning at each other like idiots until it wears off.” Her voice broke. “And then Kubo goes, and I think of what I was. I was a Princess, Chan. And look at me now, what I am — what Esro Mondrian made me.”

“You’re being too nice to me, Tatty. I did want something from you. But I can see I’m not going to get it.” Chan reached out as though to touch Tatty’s greasy hair, then drew back his hand. “I guess Kubo told you that Mondrian is alive. But now I see how you feel about him — ”

“ Alive? What are you talking about? He’s dead.”

“Yes and no. Technically, he’s alive.”

“How can he be dead, and alive?”

“We did it to him. I did it to him. He would have destroyed the ship, and everyone on board it. I had to reach in and pull the abort sequence out of his mind, but it was buried deep. I went in all the way, and exploded everything that kept the mind pool out. There’s not much left. What there is can’t communicate. Maybe there’s something that could be reached, but to do that you would need to — ”

“No! You bastard, you’re as bad as Mondrian. Worse !” She reached out at him with hands like talons. “I know what you’re thinking. I know why you came to see me.”

“I only wanted to — ”

“Liar! You only know what the Stimulator did to you, you have no idea what it did to me. I don’t know now you have the nerve to come here.”

“I’m sorry. Kubo Flammarion told me to talk to you, and I guess I was ready to try anything. I’ll go now.”

Chan went into the cramped hall and waited for the outer door to open.

“You are going to Ceres?” Tatty had followed him.

“Farther than that.”

“To the stars again?”

“No. I’m going to a place in the solar system that makes Horus look like Paradise.”

’There’s no such place. There can’t be.”

“Believe me. Our quarantine has been set up in the Sargasso Dump. The Morgan Construct is there, held in stasis. It’s my team’s job to try to make it sane.”

“But where is Mondrian?”

“He’s in the same place. If he is still Mondrian. Would it make you more likely to help, if I said that whatever is living now in the Sargasso Dump is not Esro Mondrian?”

“No, it would not. It would make me … I don’t know.”

Tatty stood, eyes blinking. “Damn him, damn him, damn him,” she said suddenly. “Wait here.”

She disappeared into the cramped interior of the apartment and was gone for a long time. When she returned her hair was washed and brushed, she was wearing a clean dress of pale green, and carefully-applied makeup hid the Paradox stigmata and the dark rings around her eyes. She was still raddled and pathetically emaciated, but her back was straight.

Chan wanted to offer a compliment. The words stuck in his throat. “You need to put on some weight,” he said at last. “Tatty, I won’t lie to you. I have to say one other thing. There will be no Paradox supply in the Sargasso Dump. Kubo Flammarion is there now, and he says it’s torture without it.”

“Kubo doesn’t know about torture. But we know it, Chan. You and I, we can count the ways.” Tatty took his arm. “Come on.”

“I’ll help you, Tatty.”

“Don’t kid yourself. You can’t help me, and I don’t think I can help you. Or anybody. Just promise me one thing.”

“Name it.”

“The Paradox is going to wear off in a couple of hours. Just make sure I’m not on Earth when it happens.”

“Captain,” said Phoebe Willard. “You just don’t understand.”

“Mmm.” Kubo Flammarion reached down, well below camera level, and scratched at his crotch in mystification. “I guess you’re right.”

On that, he was not lying. He stared at the scene sent back to Ceres through the local Link, and he didn’t understand. The Sargasso Dump was supposed to be a huge open part of space, in which drifted assorted junk of all kinds. That’s exactly what it looked like.

“But you don’t have to stay there, you know,” he went on. “You can come back anytime.”

“Not until I know what happened.” Phoebe’s expression when she glanced around her was not so different from his. Some irritation, but mostly simple puzzlement. “The loss has to be explained.”