Keith Laumer - The Compleat Bolo

"It was terrible, gentlemen…" (sobs) "Came snorting fire and swishing its tail, like a hundred-unit track-car gone crazy. Big, huge, knocked those walls down, and its voice, like the whole sky was yelling at me, said Joel Trace was acting on its orders and to let him go at once. Well, what could I do? Certainly it's true I apologized and gave him a diplomatic Cosmic Urgent travel voucher. Then it went away, but I'll never forget those eyes, big as skating ponds and like looking right in on the fires of Hell. I don't care what you do to me, that's what happened. Don't mess with this Joel Trace. Just leave well enough alone! It might come back! And…" (tape becomes unintelligible at this point)

(letter from Joel Trace to his wife)

Honey, I didn't get it at first. This hard-faced IG type was hammering away at me, and suddenly he went as white as raw dough and started screaming. Then he calmed down all of a sudden and got very efficient; called in some bureaucratic type and ordered him to fix me up with a travel voucher and clearance and pocket money, and bowed me out. It's the Bolo. I don't know how, but it's taking care of me. I'm clear, but still on the run. Don't worry, I'll manage.

– Joel

My experiments with production and manipulation, at a distance, of holographic images have been most encouraging. I compute that an extension of the method I have developed will continue to be effective in further contacts with the enemy. It is essential that I penetrate his communications as well as provide misleading data. Time is precious; I must proceed without further testing.

My first step, after establishing my base on the Lunar Farside so as to divert enemy attention away from populated areas, will be to present the Lord of All with an impressive display of Imperial capabilities.

(from the minutes of the Science Advisory Committee)

I interrupt at this point, gentlemen, to play back the most intelligible portion of the transmission, which it has now been confirmed beyond doubt emanated from the abandoned McMurdo Station in Antarctica:

"… (crackle) do it at once! I can't overemphasize this, dammit! At once! Follow those instructions to the letter, and maybe, just maybe, it's not too late! By the way, I've succeeded, with a little help from a friend, in linking three of the Prime Banks with Antarctic Prime here, and… kkkk…"

That last, Mr. Chairman, gentlemen, was a three-picosecond squawk which I commend to the attention of the Council and the High Command. Thank you, and gentlemen, act at once!

(excerpts from reactions to the Bolo's request for Deep Space data)

If this is the simplified version, I'd hate to see the complicated one. Are you sure those professors aren't pulling your leg, General? This is gibberish. I breezed through differential and integral and even UFT at the Academy, but this stuff doesn't make sense. As far as I can make out, it implies that the Universe is locally contracting, annihilating matter as it does so, and that the effect will reach the Solar System in finite time. That's wild, General, too wild for me to take up with the JCS. But just run it through the big box at Reykjavik and see what it gives us.

Bill-look at this hologram. We've been had by that damned machine. All this is is a slightly modified extrapolation of Hayle's well-known, rejected envelopment plan at Leadpipe, except for a few trimmings I'm not prepared to guess at. I'm advising the Council to ignore the Bolo's demands.

Willy-Certainly it's true that the Field Marshal is in his dotage. Nonetheless, I recommend the linkage of the North American and European Prime Banks be accomplished at once, under all necessary guarantees of continental integrity, and that the full analysis be duly presented to the main media brain at Reykjavik. Certainly the CSR has access to Media Main-I can't see that as anything but advantageous. I don't subscribe to the view that the CSR has turned against its makers or gone berserk-turned rogue, if you will. Proceed soonest! This is an Imperial Decree, and just between us, Willy, I wish I felt as arrogant as that sounds.-George.

(Professor Emeritus Sigmund Chin to the Cabinet Council)

I am quite certain, milords, that it is my duty-my final duty, I must add, as my resignation accompanies this report-to convey to you the substance of my interpretation of the remarkable data provided by the Bolo CSR.

In brief, it has located a hostile force of immense, indeed previously inconceivable size and potency, and of unknown but probably extragalactic provenance, perhaps a natural phenomenon but possibly the work of some fantastically advanced life form either unaware of or utterly hostile to humanity.

For three centuries it has been advancing upon Sol from a distance of some fifty thousand lights. The Solar System lies directly in the projected path of its remarkably rapid advance. Beyond this basic fact I am not prepared to project.

Attached hereto is my resignation as Science Advisor to His Majesty, a position I have had the honor to hold for almost thirty years. I urge prompt action to my successor.

s/Sigmund Chin, Ph.D.

(media interview with Lord Chief Marshal Wolesley)

"I suppose you could say the CSR performed its intended functions by warning us. Unless, of course, the whole Life Two thing is a gigantic hoax, a possibility I am not prepared to discount at this time.

"Yes, I do indeed intend to imply-indeed I clearly state-it could be a fake worked up by the Bolo itself. After all, it controls the media as well as all off-planet traffic.

"No, I don't mean I know it's a hoax. I only mean- that's all for today, gentlemen."

(scout report to Axorc, Lord of All)

this lowly one offers with apologies the following anomalous observation, as recorded by a robot autoscout unit operating one parsec in advance of the effective line of progress:

76013-incident report zm3374-forward sensors detect energy flow in the ninth quadrant, high-resolution pickup shows a lone being of baroque form at work on a small ore body, i projected a fine-focus annihilator beam which it at once detected, amplified, and redirected, eliminating our forward sensor, i monitored the intermittent energy flow interacting at the position of the being, interpreting its outgoing thus:

"-damned skeeters! Maybe I should take a few time units to null this whole sector." while the full significance of this is unclear, it is plain that this new life form considers my most potent weapon a mere nuisance.

in order to avoid the threatened nullification, this unit withdrew to observe passively with the intention of determining the nature and sensitivities of the alien being, however, the said alien at once closed with this unit and subjected it to a.001-millisecond scrutiny over a full spectrum of energies (note my own "fast" reading capability requires.003 milliseconds for a full-depth search and analysis), the alien is quick indeed.

i responded to this impertinence by subjecting the creature (a featureless ovoid of the approximate bulk of a class one Penetration Unit) to a full offensive battery fire, which was ineffective, curious though that datum is.

the alien uttered a.007-nanosecond burst on its outgoing beam, interpreted as, "It burped. Rude beggar. Perhaps I should collect it and examine its interior workings." i of course withdrew to the main body to file my report thereby thwarting this alien in its insolent intent.

above forwarded without comment by this lowly one.