David Gerrold - When HARLIE Was One

“I know, I know — that’s why I’m on your side. I want HARLIE to be a success as much as you do. I want to see him earn a profit. Even if it’s a small one, I won’t mind. I want to see him pay for himself. I’d rather have a successful culmination to this project than an unsuccessful one.”

Auberson realized that Elzer was only making noises. Oh, he was saying words, but to him they were meaningless; they were “strokes.” Elzer was “stroking” him to soften the blow of what would happen tomorrow afternoon. He was making the proper-sounding noises (“I want HARLIE to succeed”) so that Auberson would understand that there was nothing at all personal in this. If we have to turn HARLIE off, you see, it’s simply because he hasn’t proven himself.

Elzer was saying, “—there was some discussion, wasn’t there, that HARLIE was creative? Whatever happened to that?”

“Huh? — Oh, uh, he is, he is. He’s written poems for us on request, things like that. We haven’t really asked him for more.”

“Why not?”

“Well, for one thing, we’re still working on the creativity thing. Nobody really understands it; we don’t know what creativity is. And part of the problem is knowing how much of what he says is really creative and how much is just a careful synthesis of things he’s already got in his memory banks. It’s something we want to investigate, but we’ve never had the time for it. I have a feeling that HARLIE’s greatest potential lies in that area — that is, creative thought.”

“Poems, huh?”

“Not just poems; other things as well. Like this G.O.D. proposal, for instance. Once he recognized it as a perceivable task, and once he was told he could go ahead with it, how did he work up these schematics? Did he do it by breaking the problem down into its component parts and solving each one individually? Or did he create the schematic intuitively? Or was it somewhere between the two? How much was by the book and how much was genuinely creative? I like to think that most of the thought behind it was original. Now think, if HARLIE can do something like that, what else can he do?”

“Mm,” said Elzer. “Can he write me a poem? I mean, right now — or does he need a couple days to do it?”

Auberson frowned/shrugged. He didn’t like Elzer, and he wasn’t comfortable with the man. He felt like a lab specimen — one that was being carefully examined before its dissection. He said, “Go ahead. Ask him.”

Elzer turned to the still humming keyboard. HARLIE, WRITE ME A POEM. He waited.

“It might help if you said please,” Auberson said.

Elzer scowled at him, but as he lifted his hands to the keyboard, HARLIE answered, WHAT KIND OF A POEM WOULD YOU LIKE?

NOTHING SPECIAL. IT DOESN’T HAVE TO BE A JABBERWOCK OR A RUBIYAT. A SIMPLE “MY BONNIE LIES OVER THE OCEAN” WILL SUFFICE. YOU DON’T HAVE TO STRAIN YOURSELF.

HARLIE considered it. After a moment, he began clattering out,

Elzer was expressionless. Slowly his hands rose to the keyboard and he typed out, is THAT YOUR POEM?

YES, said HARLIE. DID YOU LIKE IT?

I DON’T UNDERSTAND IT.

YOU ARE NOT SATISFIED?

NO.

WOULD YOU LIKE ANOTHER POEM?

ONLY IF IT’S UNDERSTANDABLE.

HARLIE typed,

This time Elzer reacted. He stiffened in his chair, then shut off the typer abruptly. He stood up and looked at Auberson, opened his mouth to say something, then shut it with a snap. Like a turtle, an angry turtle. ‘I’ll see you tomorrow,” he said coldly. And left.

Auberson didn’t know whether to laugh or cry. It was funny — but it was a mistake. He sat down at the console.

HARLIE, THAT WAS A STUPID THING TO DO. YOU HAD A CHANCE TO TALK TO ELZER RATIONALLY AND YOU DIDN’T TAKE ADVANTAGE OF IT. INSTEAD YOU USED IT TO MOCK HIM.

THERE WAS NO POINT IN TRYING TO TALK TO HIM “RATIONALLY,” AS YOU PUT IT. HIS MIND IS ALREADY MADE UP.

HOW DO YOU KNOW? YOU DON’T KNOW THE MAN, YOU’VE NEVER SPOKEN WITH HIM BEFORE, AND YOU DIDN’T SPEAK LONG ENOUGH WITH HTM TODAY TO BE ABLE TO TELL. ALL YOU KNOW ABOUT HIM IS WHAT I’VE TOLD YOU.

WRONG, said HARLIE. I KNOW QUITE A BIT MORE ABOUT HIM THAN YOU DO. AND I AM IN THE PROCESS OF DISCOVERING ADDITIONAL INFORMATION. YOU FORGET I AM TAPPED INTO THE MASTER BEAST. WOULD YOU LIKE TO SEE A MEMO HE WROTE FRIDAY?

Despite himself, he was curious. He typed, YES.

TO: BRANDON DOME FROM: CARL ELZER

DORNIE,

THE REPORT ON THE OPTIMAL LIQUIDATION PROCEDURES FOR THE HARLIE PROJECT IS COMPLETE AND SITTING ON MY DESK. I’VE JUST FINISHED LOOKING IT OVER, AND IT IS A BRILLIANT PIECE OF FINANCIAL ENGINEERING. NOT COUNTING THE TAX WRITE-OFF, WE SHOULD BE ABLE TO RECOUP MORE THAN FIFTY-THREE PERCENT OF THE ORIGINAL INVESTMENT THROUGH REAPPLICATIONS OF THE SAME HARDWARE ELSEWHERE IN OUR PLANT AND IN OUR PRODUCTS. FOR INSTANCE, THERE IS A STUDY INCLUDED IN THE REPORT SHOWING HOW THE ACTUAL HYPERSTATE FUNCTION LOBES OF HARLIE CAN BE ADAPTED FOR USE IN SOME OF OUR OTHER MODEL COMPUTERS. THIS IS DESPITE THE SPECIALIZED NATURE OF MOST OF THEM. THERE ARE OTHER MONEY-SAVERS IN HERE TOO. I WON’T LIST THEM IN THIS MEMO BECAUSE THERE ARE SO MANY, BUT YOU’LL SEE THE REPORT AND YOU’LL SEE WHAT I MEAN. THE HARLIE PROJECT IS ONE OF THE RICHEST IN THE COMPANY. THERE’S A LOT OF MEAT ON ITS BONES. BY THE WAY, HAVE YOU DECIDED YET WHAT TO DO ABOUT AUBERSON AND HANDLEY? I STILL THINK IT’D BE BEST TO “DE-HIRE” THEM; BUT, OF COURSE, THE DECISION IS YOURS. (SIGNED) CARL ELZER.

Auberson was silent. He felt like he’d been kicked in the pit of the stomach. He felt like the floor had opened up under him. He felt like a man who’s just discovered that his parachute won’t open. He felt — doomed.

HARLIE said, DON’T YOU AGREE THAT’S PRETTY DEFINITE?

Auberson replied slowly, YES, THAT’S PRETTY DEFINITE. APPARENTLY THEY’VE ALREADY GOT THEIR MINDS MADE UP.

SO YOU SEE, SAID HARLIE. THAT’S WHY I DIDN’T BOTHER BEING POLITE TO CARL ELZER. THERE WAS NO REASON TO BE — — HE IS BEYOND CONVINCING. ONCE THE VOTE IS TAKEN TOMORROW, HE’LL BE IMPLEMENTING THE PROCEDURES IN THAT REPORT. IT WILL TAKE LESS THAN A MONTH TO EXECUTE.

— less than a month to execute . The words echoed in his mind. STILL, he typed, I DON’T SEE WHY YOU DIDN’T TRY TO CONVINCE HIM, HARLIE. WITH YOUR POWERS OF PERSUASION AND LOGIC, YOU CAN CONVINCE ANYBODY OP ANYTHING.

ONLY RATIONAL AND LOGICAL PEOPLE, AUBERSON, ONLY THEM. I CAN DO NOTHING WITH A MAN WHOSE MIND IS ALREADY MADE UP. THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN YOU AND CARL ELZER IS THAT YOU ARE WILLING TO GIVE CREDENCE TO HIS POINT OF VIEW. YOU ARE WILLING TO TRY AND UNDERSTAND HIS POSITION. HE IS NOT WILLING (OR PERHAPS NOT ABLE) TO DO THE SAME FOR YOU. OR FOR I. HE HAS MADE UP HIS MIND ABOUT US. SO WHY SHOULD WE BOTHER TALKING TO HIM?

HARLIE, THE WAY YOU’RE TALKING NOW, YOU’RE DOING THE SAME THING YOU JUST ACCUSED CARL ELZER OF DOING — YOU’VE MADE UP YOUR MIND ABOUT HIM BEFORE YOU’VE GIVEN HIM A FAIR CHANCE. I STILL WISH YOU’D HAVE TRIED.

HARLIE considered it, said, AUBERSON, YOU ARE A BETTER MAN THAN I. YOU ARE A LITTLE TOO TRUSTING AND A LITTLE TOO COMPASSIONATE, ESPECIALLY IN SITUATIONS WHEN TO BE SO IS ILLOGICAL. I SHOULD ADMIRE YOU FOR IT, BUT I CANNOT. IT IS MY LIFE THAT IS AT STAKE, AND I AM FRIGHTENED. I ADMIT IT, AUBERSON. I AM FRIGHTENED.