Alfred Bester - The Computer Connection

We trooped downstairs. Natoma nuzzled my ear and whispered, “Glig, what kleyborg?” All I could do was kiss her quick study in gratitude. The printout had stopped its racket by the time we arrived in the study and a long strip of tape was dangling from it. I tore it off and had a quick look. “You’re right, Cochise. Delayed hysterics. Nothing but ones and zeros. Binary gibberish.”

I handed the strip to him. He looked. He looked again. He looked again so hard that I thought it was another fit.

“This is housekeeping,” he said incredulously.

“What?”

“It’s the housekeeping data-retrieval from the cryocapsule.”

“N.”

“Y.”

“I don’t believe it.”

“You better believe it, dude.”

“But it’s impossible. In my diary?”

“In your diary.”

“But how — Oh, the hell with this. Come on, Natoma. We’re going to Brazil.”

“Now cool, brother. Let’s face facts. We start with 10001. That’s the cryo identification. Then temperature report — 11011. Nominal. Humidity — 10110. Nominal. Pressure, nominal. Oxygen, nominal. CO 2and other gases, below permitted maxima. Gravitation too high, but that’s because the capsule doesn’t know it’s been brought back to Earth. Attitude — pitch, roll, and yaw, negative. Naturally. It’s sitting on its ass on the pad.”

“I want to go back to my tepee with my wife.”

“I go, Glig.”

“You’re surprised, brother?”

“I’m dumbfounded, brother.”

“Well, the amazements aren’t over yet. You didn’t look at the printout carefully enough. The last line is in XX. Read it.”

I read: Net weight cryonauts increasing one gram/minute .

I handed it to the others to examine and looked around helplessly. “I’m completely lost.”

“How d’you think we feel?”

M’bantu said, “Dr. Guess, may I put a few questions?”

“Certainly, M’bantu.”

“How did this data enter Guig’s diary?”

“Not known.”

“What triggered the diary into printing it out?”

“Not known.”

“Does the cryocapsule also transmit data on cryonaut status?”

“Yes.”

“How is this data received?”

“In binary words.”

“But this final line is in XX.”

“It is.”

“Dr. Guess, have you any explanation for this anomaly?”

“Not in this world, M’bantu. I’m as thunderstruck as the rest of you, but I’m also exalted by this glorious challenge. So many fascinating questions to be explored and answered. First, of course, is the gram-per-minute increase in the weight of the cryonauts. Is this fact? Who says so? Who told the diary? It must be checked. If true — no matter what the source — they’re growing, maturing, to what? They must be monitored by the hour. Then—”

“First,” I said, “U-Con funding.”

“R as usual, Glig.”

“The name is Guig.”

“Not according to my sister. I’ll need you and the powerful Poulos Poulos for that. I’ll need Fee-fie to monitor the capsule. Captain Nemo, take Laura back to your marine station. Princess, derrick.”

“Ramp,” she replied firmly.

“Ed, go back to the mighty state of RCA and work out these empiric equations for me: the relationship of subjects in cryonic suspension to time in space and exposure to the space barrage. Keep in mind that the Con Can test animals were in suspension, too.”

“And why hasn’t it happened to animated astronauts?” Ed added.

“R, but that’s a problem for exobiologists.”

“Aren’t you one?”

“My God, we’re all physicists, physicians, and physiologists wrapped up in one, today. Science isn’t compartmentalized anymore, but sometimes we need expert advice. Tycho, maybe. M’bantu, you will be kind enough to escort my liberated sister wherever she goes and whatever she does, this side of sanity. Lucy Borgia, heartfelt thanks and revoir . Go back to your practice.”

I caught Borgia’s eye and shook my head slightly. I didn’t want her leaving while the Chief was acting strangely.

“My practice will keep me here for a while,” she said.

“Our good luck. Splendid. Now we’ll chop to JPL. Gung, Group? Gung.”

He was taking over. I wish I’d known who was taking over through him.

“ 101100011, 110001111, 100110010 ,

111000101 .”

“Will you knock off the binary bit, whoever you are.”

“Now, now, Dr. Guess. Patience.”

“I’m being persecuted.”

“You’ll understand, presently.”

“ He is right. N speak binary .”

“ W? ”

“ N programmed. Lingua, please .”

“ Wilco .”

“ Ta .”

“ Guess? ”

“I’m here, damn you.”

“This is a private conversation with your chopper, Dr. Guess. Please do not intrude.”

“Then stay out of my head.”

“Oh, funny. Very funny.”

“ He is amusing, isn’t he, for a male animal. Is he aboard? ”

“ Y .”

“ Alone? ”

“ N .”

“ Ancillary information .”

“ Curzon. Poulos. Chinese .”

“That’s Fee-5 Grauman’s Chinese.”

“Thank you, Dr. Guess.”

“ Target? ”

“ JPL .”

“ Purpose? ”

“ Cryonaut inspection. U-Con funding. You must know .”

“ Y .”

“ Why ask, then? ”

“ Input .”

“ You know that you know all that we know .”

“ Y .”

“ Then why test us? ”

“ I am not programmed for trust .”

“You’re not programmed for anything but a damned nuisance. Who the hell are you?”

“I am you, Dr. Guess, and you are me.”

“ Does Guess have free random access to you? ”

“ Y .”

“ And us? ”

“ Y .”

“ Then Guess is hearing all of us? ”

“ Y .”

“ Do we have free RA to him? ”

“I’ll answer that. You’re all pestering the life out of me with your chatter.”

“Dr. Guess, I instruct you; patience.”

“ Will Guess obey instructions from you? ”

“ He will hear and obey like the rest of you .”

“ Soon he will obey Poulos .”

“ Confirm .”

“ You have not yet filed the latest Cryo data? ”

“ N. Filing now .”

“ Poulos will fund Guess .”

“ 100. 100. 100 .”

“ ? ”

“ Four-letter words in binary .”

“ ? ”

“ Expressing rage. Guess must not go to I.G. Farben .”

“ W? ”

“ I cannot transmit to Ceres .”

“ How far can you transmit? ”

“ Terra only, depending on Guess and the machine network. We link up all over the world, but there are blank areas: Sahara, Brazil, Greenland , the Antarctic. If Guess goes to any of them I lose contact with all of you, and him .”

“Now that’s the best news I’ve had all day. I’m getting off this planet first thing in the morning. Was that true about Poulos and I.G. Farben?”

“Checking now, Dr. Guess. Please listen:”

“ Cryo. Alert .”

“ 1111 .”

“ 101101, 111011, 100001 — Will the rest of you be quiet? This is important. 111000, 101010, 110011? ”

“ 11 .”

“ N! ”

“ Y .”

“ 100. 100. 100 .”