James Tiptree Jr.: Up the Walls of the World

Dann holds her strongly, sharing the sharp grief, waiting for the storm to spend. Trying to understand, he recalls his glimpse of Val’s mind. The secret, sacred enclave of We Two. Now all that has been changed. The hostile world around has vanished and Val has been freed; she is enjoying her freedom in this weird place, like his little friend Tivonel. But this other inhabitant of that private world cannot fly free so easily. She misses horribly the exclusive love and sharing that gave life meaning— How well he knows it.

The sad mind in his nonexistent arms is murmuring. “ Sometimes I think I’ll just start moving on till I come to the edge of this thing and go on out into space.”

“No. Would it be fair to Val to lay that guilt on her? Listen. When that idea comes to you I want you to come to me first. Will you promise me that?”

Finally she agrees. The intensity is drained for the moment. But the mournful message comes, “ No one needs me here. Hell, I was just a dumb law student. We’ve passed beyond Middle Earth now, haven’t we? Who needs a law student in the Western Isles?”

“I was just a dumb medical doctor, Frodo. We all have to reconvert ourselves somehow.”

Frodo gives the ghost of her old scornful laugh. “ You have her.”

Oh God, he knows what she means.

I don’t have Margaret, Frodo. Nobody could ‘have’ her anymore. I get to look at some aspect of her and talk with apart of her now and then. I think she’s happy… That’s all. She’s passed away beyond your Western Isles, farther than any of us.”

Frodo is silent for a moment. “ I see… I’m sorry.”

“No need. I do get to see… something of her. Just like you see Val.”

“And that’s got to be enough for us?”

“I’m afraid so.”

The mind touching his sighs, then laughs again. But it’s a better laugh, Dann thinks, not understanding that his “gift” has worked again, but only feeling a new sadness.

“Speaking of law, have you found out what kind of laws that alien has on his world? Or the Tyrenni, for that matter? Look, here’s something you could think of. Why don’t you figure out the ideal code of laws? Then if we get the chance we could write them in fiery letters in the sky of some world.”

She really laughs. “ Like the Ten Commandments. Thou shall not crucify green lizards,”

“Something like that.”

“Do you really think we could do things like that some day?”

“I don’t know. We’re in the realm of the impossible already.”

“Yeah.”

They are silent together; a companionable feeling Dann never imagined he would share with the fierce little androgyne.

“Come back and see me, Frodo. We can be depressed together. But if it gets too bad, you know, the Tyrenni can help you with bad memories.”

“I guess so… But I think I’d rather come to you. Thanks, Doc.”

“I’ll be here.”

She leaves, and Dann’s attention strays back inside the nucleus.

It is empty of all save mystery for a long time, until the child comes shyly out and starts to examine something on the small screen. It is a great dim red sun, Dann sees. A red giant. Perhaps she wants to ask him again about the lives of stars. Yes, she has replaced the picture with TOTAL’S Hertzsprung-Russell diagram now, showing the main sequence and the tracks taken by various masses and types of stars. If only he knew more!

But when she turns to him the question is unexpected.

“If we made time run backward, it would shrink again. And if there were people around it, they would be alive again, wouldn’t they, Dan’l?”

Make time run backward?

For a moment he thinks it’s a play-question, and then the fearful significance sinks in. He has found out from Margaret how the great being’s former companions cleared space; they somehow accelerated or reversed the processes of stars until their mass-energy dissipated below a critical point. But this is the first time he comprehends, really grasps that the entity he rides in, the being he knows as partly “Margaret,” has such powers at command; To make lost races live again?

“ I suppose so,” he says feebly.

At that moment the grown-up Margaret appears from the shadows and the child goes to her. “ There is also alternation,” she says quietly, half to Dann and half as if in reminder to the child. “ Events don’t have to repeat exactly.”

Then she and the child melt away, leaving Dann’s head spinning.

Before he can organize his thoughts he is aware of a summons from Waxman outside.

“Father Heagran wants an interview with Margaret, Doc. Can you arrange?”

“I’ll see. It may be awhile.”

When Margaret comes back he tells her. “ I think he wants a face-to-face meeting, like you had with Winnie. I believe I could translate. You’ve never really seen a full-fledged Tyrenni Elder, have you? It’s quite something, you might enjoy it. The thing is, they’re big.”

“Yes,” she says matter-of-factly. “ I’ll make arrangements.”

Shortly thereafter he feels a change in the opening he guards, and prudently retracts himself. The opening seems to widen, and brighten to a view of Tyree’s wind-torn skies. Hovering there at an indeterminate distance is the great age-splendored form of Heagran himself. Dann wonders how it appears to Margaret. To him the form is both monstrous and beautiful; above all, a personage. The great mantle ripples, speaks in light.

“He addresses you as Gracious Elder,” Dann tells Margaret. “ And asks if it is true that you can put his people’s minds down on a suitable world.” As Dann says this he is assailed by a pang of coming loss.

“ We can,” she says, seated quite normally and businesslike at the great console.

“Then it is time,” Dann goes on reluctantly. “ Their world of fantasy here grows strong and strange and the, the children do not grow. However they will not commit life-crime on an intelligent race. He asks if you can find a world of advanced animal life where true, ah, self-concept has not developed. The animals’ minds can be merged to make room for the Tyrenni. I think he is saying that the soul or spirit of Tyree is with them, so he is not afraid they will degenerate. He believes that Tyree will live again in another form.”

“A world of advanced animal life.” Margaret’s hand brushes her dark hair as if the most ordinary program request had been put to her. “ I think that can be done best if they will help monitor the life-bands to select the right level. Do they have other requirements?”

When Dann translates this the great changes color slightly, as if deep emotions were touched. “ That it be a world of wind,” he says. “ That we are not condemned to live in the Abyss, remembering flight.”

His emotion evokes echoes; even Margaret’s gaze is lowered for an instant. “ I understand… Is there anything more?”

“Your people have told us how many worlds may be filled by fierce eaters of flesh. Our people cannot kill, we cannot cause pain. On our world was only one small fierce animal, the carlu, who served as a lesson for children. Therefore I would ask that our people be sent where there are no savage enemies and they may live at peace.”

“I understand that too.” She smiles. “ We will set out systems to search. When we find possible worlds they will be displayed on the screens for you to judge. And I will study how to set you down gently, so that your people will not be frightened. I believe that is within our power.”