Peter Prellwitz - Shards Book One

Susie quietly asked for the time and was as quietly told it was well past midnight. She called for the lights to be shut off completely, then sat in the dark, in a blackness that can only be achieved inside a cave. She stared into the black at the unseen bed with her still sleeping charge, occasionally rubbing her bare legs and caressing her bare arms, as though reassuring herself the total darkness had not stolen away her own body. She was tired, but not sleepy. Sighing, she leaned against the slightly warm, smooth rock wall and closed her eyes.

And waited.

The tension, building steadily for twenty minutes, was nearing breaking point. Susie brought a hand up and wiped the sweat from her forehead. Private Owasuna was staring at Susie, her tabinal lying on the floor, forgotten. Her face was pale with horrific realization and fear. Susie looked down the barrel of her gun to the point of light on the young girl's head.

"I'm sorry, Gretchen, whom did you say you worked for from 2406 to 2418?"

"I worked for PulseDynamo Tech Systems, in Sydney."

"I see.? Betty's voice was calm but forced, her breathing labored. Betty licked her dry lips.? And where did you work from 2406 to 2418?"

"I worked for General Space Outrigging, on Platform 213, Station Gamma."

Susie felt her stomach knot. Station Gamma was lost during the Canadian terrorist incident in 2295, nearly a century before Gretchen's birth. She stretched her arm to its full length. She was judge, jury…

The trigger seemed to be set in stone. Betty looked with sick eyes at Susie, then turned back to the girl, lying on the bed. She reached out a gentle hand and stroked the silky blond hair. She caressed the thin cheek. When she spoke again, her voice was choked.

"I see. And where did you work from 2406 to 2418?"

"I didn't. I stayed at home, in Des Moines, taking care of our four children."

Betty pulled her hand away, and it fell limp to her side. She closed her eyes.

"I see. And where did you work from 2406 to 2418?"

"I worked at Highland Mining, near Glasgow, Scot-"

The beam, less than one millimeter in diameter, gave off little light and no heat. As it traversed its target, the one-second burst continued on and cut a ten centimeter path to a depth of fifteen centimeters into the solid rock wall before terminating.

Ryoko was on her hands and knees, sobbing and being violently ill. Betty held her head in her hands, suddenly appearing much older than her fifty years. Slowly, Susie lowered her gun and shut it off in mid-recharge. She holstered it and stumbled out of her quarters and into the primary hanger. She didn't even notice the bright desert light striking her eyes as it poured in from the shielded cavern opening. Just as she stepped clear of the door, a faint, sickly sweet odor touched her nostrils, and she very nearly vomited from the loathsome stench.

Alan Lockwood stood up from the wall he had been leaning against. He had been Susie's partner during the research on Gretchen. Though she had taken over entirely upon reintegration, he was still very much involved.

"So, how's the IHAD go…? He grabbed her as she staggered against him. She stared up at him, unseeing, silently crying, then lowered her head against his chest and held it there for a long, long time.

Susie was a dog now.

Susie sat up suddenly. She had drifted off to sleep, slumping down to her pillow. She looked around, but it was still pitch dark. She heard sharp, broken breathing coming from the girl's bed. She was awake and crying silently.

Susie silently rose and went to her bed. She sat down at the edge, and reached out a hand, touching the girl's hand. It was jerked away. Determined, Susie groped around and found it again. Taking the trembling hand, she held it firmly. A moment passed, then another. Suddenly, the girl lunged against her, clinging to her and wailing. Susie stroked the soft straight hair and wrapped an arm around her. Slowly, she worked herself under the covers and lay next to the still weeping girl, who wrapped herself even tighter around her. Susie felt the girl's tears soaking into her top as she wept with inconsolable sorrow.

She hugged the child, and held her close.

And waited.

It was still pitch black when I opened my eyes. I was pressed up against Susan, my head resting on her breast. She had fallen asleep. I lay quiet, not wanting to waken her. She was warm, and I could hear her steady heartbeat. I closed my eyes again and listened, letting the rhythmic thudding coax me into relaxation. I struggled to understand what had happened.

I remember that I was standing, nervously waiting for the inducer to be set off. It must have taken effect instantaneously, for the next memory I had was waking up in the darkness, feeling utterly abandoned and worthless. Susie must have been waiting for me, for she had been at my side even as I cried myself awake.

If the state I was in could be called awake. It was the agonizing realm of not quite aware nightmare. That time when you still feel the terror, but have none of the memory. That was how I felt when I came to. I had first become aware of how difficult my breathing was. Then I felt a tingling in my muscles, and a jerking that was just beyond my control. It was far, far worse than Healer's Sleep, which provided warmth and comfort, if a vague sense of frustration. But this was a smothering weight of the bitter memories of still felt sensations, a lingering coldness that was very real. Even now, some time after the episode, I can feel it in the recesses of my wounded psyche.

Despite being warned, I had no way of knowing about or being prepared for the overwhelming sense of fear and exposure that seized me. Being able to look back on it, now that it had passed, I could understand why. No doubt the intrusion into my mind, my being, was near absolute. I couldn't tell what time it was, but I supposed it was the middle of the night. Susie had told me it would last only two or three hours. We had even made plans for the evening. But they probably found more than they thought, and had taken at least twelve hours to… to…

Without warning, a sense of numbing, terrifying dread overwhelmed me. I again felt stripped and vulnerable, exposed and humiliated. I filled my lungs with a deep, quavering breath, but still couldn't breathe. My chest hurt, and I felt my body tightening with spasms. My helplessness and complete lack of control terrified me. I choked off a sob. To survive the debilitating attack, I knew I needed an anchor.

My head, though my neck muscles were taut, was still against Susie's chest. This woman, my friend, would be my anchor. I tried to shut out the demons tearing at me and concentrated on Susie's reassuring heartbeat, forcing myself to breathe.

Slowly at first, then with growing relief, I felt the attack recede. Even as the thought came, I felt the surge of dread begin to shoot through me. I thought about the Susie's steady heartbeat. I imagined my heart beating at the same rate as hers, allowing it to become slow and steady. The second wave faded.

Peacefulness laid a tenuous and gossamer thin cloak over me. It settled on my skin, then soaked deeper.

I kept my focus, and it penetrated further. But I was badly shaken. This wasn't a remnant or flashback. I had gone from being my own person to being a… a thing, all in the space of two heartbeats. It left me frightened and unsure. Unsure…

Panic gripped me. Tears began streaming without letup. I pressed my lips tight to stop their trembling.

My arm, wrapped around Susie's waist, tightened. No! Please! NO! Thud-ud. Thud-ud. Slow. Steady.

Reassuring. Non-threatening. I consciously loosened my grip on her, but still clung. Thud-ud. Thud-ud.