J Mauldin - Final Solution

“Right? Nasty shit. Maybe I’m weird, but I’m sort of vanilla when it comes to those things.” He made a fist and shook it once.

“I don’t wanna know.” I raised my hands. “Don’t wanna know.”

“Come on, man. You know you like to drink the white wine.”

“Shut up, César, and watch the show. That’s an order.”

He shot me a crooked grin and did just that. Griffin peered at me over his shoulder, a soft smile lighting up her youthful face. She tucked a short lock of blonde behind her ear and tilted her head, then went back to watching the show, appearing vaguely abashed. Something long forgotten stirred beneath my belt.

A couple days later as I passed the arboretum, the ship turned yellow and the power flickered off. It remained off for longer than usual, César working furiously, I’m sure, but not quick enough for comfort.

I held tight to a support rib, keeping some sense of orientation, breathing slowly, in and out. My mild panic attacks during firing solutions were getting worse. When I’d first joined up we were going after the Claymore , the Axis’s second largest ship at the time. I’d had stronger nerves. After the Axis had taken control of Ceres Station 2, and nuked the place when they wouldn’t surrender, we relentlessly hunted the Claymore around Sol’s asteroid belt. They were clever in their tactics, hiding among the asteroids for cover, but after six months we located them and put an end to it. A railgun slug right down the length of their ship. Captain Fryatt had us drifting from point to point, running low power levels and trailing junk along with us. Too bad those tactics didn’t work out here. Both us and our target, the Razor , were out in the open with nothing more than an occasional five millimeter speck of dust to hide behind. Not much for cover.

Destroying the Claymore was a great victory for both me and the Brethren, one that brought about a strange level of excitement and relief, that was, until I started thinking too hard. Someone aboard our ship had mentioned having sympathies for the enemy, and they’d been taken away for these opinions and put in prison. The damage the crewman’s words had inflicted, however, was already done, its syllables settling into me like a virus.

Fifty people had served on that ship.

Fifty lives had been ended.

Fifty families had been destroyed.

Fifty futures were no more.

I knew I wasn’t directly responsible for making that happen, only for the part of getting us there on time. So did that make my scale heavier? Or leave it unchanged? I didn’t pull the trigger or make that order. I just lit the fire in the engine.

The Vindicator shuttered for an instant, a loud click echoing throughout the ship. A few muffled voices penetrated the dark. Devins shouted God’s name in vain, and Jack silenced him out of fear.

“Goddard?” A voice just ahead of me, but invisible. It was familiar and warm and choked with tears.

“Griffin? Is that you?”

A set of unseen arms wrapped around my shoulders, drawing me into a crushing embrace. She put her head against my chest and trembled. I didn’t know what to do but hug her back. I wasn’t good at things like this and I didn’t want to send the wrong message. She might be impressionable. And I was weak.

Soon as the lights came back on I tried to peel myself away, but she wouldn’t let go. I held my arms out and tried to step back, glancing up and down the hall.

“I’m so scared,” she mumbled.

“We all are,” I said, looking back towards the bridge. Liberty was in the hall glaring at us, Griffin’s arms still wrapped around me. It was the first time I’d laid eyes on her in quite a while. Before I could push Griffin away, Liberty turned and stormed off.

So be it.

The following morning Griffin appeared in the power core brandishing a hot cup of coffee. It had my name on it, literally, red marks in a bubbly hand script down the side.

She extended the cup. “Kelly said you’d be working on recalibrating the photon focusers. Thought you could use a boost. I know it has to be a pain.”

I considered not taking the cup, but had slept like shit the night before; a couple of vixens having traipsed through my dreams with demons at their back needing rescue.

I took the coffee and grinned. “Thanks for saving me the trip. I was about to go get some.” I took a sip. “Just how I like it.”

César entered the core and scowled at me.

“César,” I said with a touch too much glee. I waved him over to the controls. “Make sure the stream alignment is on point for our trajectory. We need to account for acceleration as well. I think we’re losing about fifteen millimeters a day PV coverage from focuser number two. That’s a lot of lost energy.”

He rolled his eyes and stormed over to the controls, hitting keys as hard as he could. Griffin covered her mouth and chuckled.

“Alright, well, I guess I better get back to work,” she said, a chipper note to her voice. “Kelly and I have to clean out the waste recycler. And you know, it’s a shitty job, but someone has to do it!”

I shook my head. “Don’t let crap like that get to you. It stinks when you have to deal with other people’s shit.”

“Good thing we don’t have a hill for it to roll down.” She shot me with a finger pistol and shook her head.

César banged the console twice.

“I just wish…” She slipped her hands into the upper pockets of her jumpsuit.

“Wish what?”

“Well, these tools of mine don’t really do their job.” She lifted her belt and let go. “Several of the sizes aren’t right, especially for waste recycling, and then I broke my torque driver a couple days ago. All I did was turn it like you’re supposed to, and that’s what it’s designed to do! Apply torque at a predetermined setting.”

I glanced at her tool belt, her hips, her legs. Inspected the way her jumpsuit rested on her body and how her grin made her face bright. I shook my head. “Look here, I’m the Master Engineer. Let’s go get you some real tools. Those are Helox Brand you’ve got, and they’re junk. César, I’ll be right back. Come on, Griffin.” His scowl was so hard it could have cut glass. I ignored him as Griffin skipped after me like a kid on Christmas Day.

It was clear César thought I was trying to encourage her, which I wasn’t. Maybe I’d made a few jokes about the time she walked down the hall holding a fork in the air for no particular reason. Maybe I’d found an extra set of tools in storage and given them to her as a gift. Maybe I’d smiled a little too big when she appeared, and laughed a little too hard at her awkward jokes. But I was not, repeat not, interested. I was just friendly, you know, that’s all. But like most boys, César didn’t seem to know the difference.

It was hard being friendly, but I sure as hell couldn’t muster being a jerk. I might not be the best person, but I certainly wasn’t a jerk.

I was dead asleep when my leg vibrated. The crew quarters were dim and silent but for a few snoring lumps. For the past few days, after what was being called “The Endless Assault”, not much had happened around the ship. Still, that lack of action hadn’t taken me off high alert, or removed the constant sense of dread in the pit of my stomach.

I popped up and looked around the room. César was fast asleep on the bunk next to me. Several crewmembers, still on duty when I’d laid down, were now snoozing, Griffin and Kelly among them. The Captain must have given everyone a little break. We needed that from time to time. In truth, all that was necessary to defend our ship at such a range was for the XO to be on deck with our navigator. The rest of the Vindicator could sleep if need be, and so they were, blissfully deep and unware.