James Goss: Almost Perfect

‘So is that it for the Perfection?’

‘Pretty much. Completely disconnected from whatever powers they had, pumped full of Retcon. Seemed the kindest thing, really. I mean, would you want to remember? So they’re now just mutton dressed as chicken.’

Ianto sighed quietly. ‘They were gods once. They shaped worlds, ruled empires… and now they’re just growing old, trapped in Cardiff.’

‘As I said,’ said Jack, sipping his drink, ‘not everyone gets a happy ending.’

They left the club when the Karaoke started. As they headed for the door, a drag queen tottered onto the stage and began a Cher medley. A lesbian couple joined in, brokenly. And a strange little man in a cap shuffled onto the dance floor and, entirely for his own happiness, began to do the Running Man dance.

‘All’s right with the world,’ sighed Jack as he sailed through the door.

Jack and Ianto stood on Charles Street, watching the evening go by.

A hen party staggered past, their progress impeded by the number of limbs that were in plaster. A voice screamed, ‘Come on, Kerry, you dozy tart. Zambuca’s not going to be 2 for 1 forever you know…’

Ianto watched them go, smiling broadly. ‘Come on,’ he said. ‘Let’s go down the Bay. I’ve got a promise to keep.’

And so they walked, in silence, until they came to a bridge overlooking a large amount of sea.

Ianto handed a small, glowing bag to Jack. ‘Can you do this?’ he asked. ‘I’m not sure I trust myself. If I touch it again, I might ask it to do something.’

‘And you’re sure this is what it wants?’ asked Jack.

‘Yes. Just some peace. It’s bored too, I think.’

‘OK then,’ said Jack. And he reached into the bag and pulled out the machine, which glowed happily in his hand. For an instant, it seemed like Jack was listening to a voice.

‘Is it offering you anything?’ asked Ianto, anxiously.

‘Nope,’ said Jack. ‘Already perfect.’ And he tossed it casually into the Bay.

It skimmed expertly across the waves, and then quietly vanished from sight.

‘Bon voyage,’ said Jack.

And the two of them stood there for a while, just watching the water.

‘So,’ said Ianto finally, turning to Jack.

‘Yup,’ said Jack.

Ianto leaned in, quietly. ‘I’m only a woman for one more night, you know.’

Jack grinned broadly. ‘Then let’s make the most of it…’

Awwww, hello! This is brilliant .

‘I should have guessed it would be you.’

Well, it is. Get used to it. I have. Anything you want to ask me?

‘Can you change that voice?’

Well, I could, but nah. Not for you, Jack-Jack-Jacko .

‘He never called me that.’

Not to your face. Now. Anything?

‘Well, why? You were supposed to help people.’

Well, I tried. I guess I’m a meddler. I can’t help interfering, me. Making lives better. It’s what I do .

‘A lot of people died.’

Don’t they always when we’re around? You and me, eh? It’s like old times .

‘It wasn’t worth the price.’

Isn’t that what we always say to other people? We never say it to ourselves, do we?

‘Now you’re just messing with my head. I am pissed off, I am tired, and bits of me ache.’

Yeah, well, surprised they’ve not dropped off .

‘You messed it up. As you always do.’

Now we’re getting to the truth. You’ve still not forgiven me, have you?

‘Probably never will. Probably doesn’t matter. I do love you.’

I’m sure you do. So…

‘Yes. What are we going to do with you?’

Dunno. You’re the boss .

‘What do you want?’

…

‘I said, what do you want?’

You know, you are remarkable, Jack. No one has ever asked me what I wanted. Not in thousands of years. And it’s you. I’ll tell you – I’ve made everyone’s lives I’ve touched amazing. And I’ve never experienced ANY of it myself. I can’t get a good night’s sleep in a nice bed, eat a meal, lose weight, fall in love or get drunk. I have nothing. I just am. And I am bored and tired .

‘I know the feeling.’

See? We do have some common ground. Isn’t that something?

‘And?’

I would like a rest .

‘So would I, some day.’

The Perfection would like to thank Steve and Gary for the grand plan. They would also like to thank Lee, Kate and Joe for advice, and Helen and Gillane for the castle. Finally, they would like to thank Brendan and Jon for the obvious.