Anthony DeCosmo - Disintegration

"Angry? You think I’m angry? Where’s your flashlight? Shine it on me! Look at the great leader! See who I am, Nina. See the fraud! See the man behind the curtain! See him curled up in a ball crying like a two year old and wishing he could go crawl under his pillow and wake up from this damn nightmare."

He shivered again. She grabbed the blanket and tried to place it around his shoulders. He pushed it away.

"I…am tired of this game! I don’t want to be the leader anymore. I don’t want to have peoples' lives depending on what I say. I don’t want to fight anymore. I want to go hide and cry myself to sleep. I don’t want to be strong and sure and none of that shit ANY-MORE!"

Nina said nothing. What could she say?

"There’s your great leader, Nina. I’m not the man you think I am. I’m Richard Stone. I sell Chevrolets. I live at home with my parents. I don’t know who this Trevor guy is. I don’t think I like him very much."

Nina forced an arm around him. He tried to pull free but she would not let go. She tugged him close. He started to push free again but instead began to sob.

"Let it out…you can…you can let it all out with me. You can try and chase me away but I’m not going away."

He buried his face in her lap.

Nina stroked his head and told her lover, "I know Trevor Stone. He’s got a tough job but he does the best he can; better than any one else could do. I know it used to be a lonely job but that’s not true anymore. Trevor Stone is never alone as long as I’m here. As for this Richard Stone guy, I’ve seen him from time to time. And you know what? I love him, too. So I don’t care who is here next to me, Trevor or Richard. You don’t have to hide from me. But when you need me to, I’ll hide with you…in the dark."

Without thought, without planning, Nina found that, yes, she could give comfort to another human being. She could do more than kill; she could deliver mercy, too.

She felt complete.

Richard Stone cried for the loss of his life. He cried for the horrors he had seen over the months. He cried for the soul of Danny Washburn.

And he cried most of all because he knew when sunrise came, Trevor would be back.

Outside the windows, lazy flakes of snow rode the cold December wind.

The return trip from Binghamton should have lasted a few hours but the knee-deep blanket of white covering the landscape turned the trip into a journey of three days.

Snowdrifts devoured the roads, eliminating the difference between lane and shoulder, sidewalk and front yard. Road signs pointed to nothingness. With every tree, wrecked car, road, and parking lot covered in snow, navigation became an exercise in frustration. Travel at night in such conditions was impossible.

The convoy inched along during the day. Drainage ditches swallowed vehicles; ice patches sent others careening into trees and guardrails. One rolled Humvee resulted in Rhodes breaking his collarbone.

However, several survivors joined their ranks during the trip, including a family of four living in a camper at a highway rest stop.

In the end, the convoy found its way home, arriving at the estate exhausted, hungry, suffering from all manner of wounds and sickness, and generally resembling more a defeated army than victorious heroes.

Trevor Stone labeled the mission a success and proclaimed that those lost would never be forgotten. This held particularly true for him; Danny's screams became a part of his soul.

Even as they grieved for missing friends, the survivors realized the "Holiday Season" loomed. Evan Godfrey proposed a gala New Year’s Eve Ball. Preparations for the party became the talk of the estate.

The Rheimmers trucked in a seven-foot blue spruce for the mansion’s Christmas tree.

Everyone either found or made an ornament including paper stars cut by children and sparkling jewelry. However, Shep set the new standard for ornaments when he placed Sal Corso’s cap on the tree.

Jon Brewer searched Washburn’s place and found his ATF badge left in a drawer: it made a nice silver ornament.

Bear Ross scavenged on a Maryland Terrapins beverage coaster. He punched a hole in it and placed it on the tree in memory of Frank Dorrance.

A porcelain bald eagle from Cassy Simms in memory of Bird; a simple placard with the word "Pop"; still more trinkets for Gruder and Tucker, Sanchez and Jennie.

Trevor placed a tiara at the top of the tree for Sheila Evans: the first refugee he brought to the estate and one of the first lost.

On Christmas Eve, the Brewers gathered their closest friends and, standing in front of the sparkling tree, announced Lori was pregnant.

Temperatures dropped and stayed in single digits calling for firewood gathering parties and fast repairs to generators lest homes freeze. Even Godfrey and Omar Nehru worked together to prioritize and solve each problem.

Volunteers cleaned an old dance and bingo hall a half mile from the estate. Omar promised generators to run lights and a sound system as well as portable heaters.

Kristy Kaufman searched the survivor records for musicians and mustered a band.

Four-wheel drive vehicles burned gas ferrying people across the deep snow to the Shavertown shopping centers in search of formal wear. Trevor did not object to the use of the fuel because preparing for the gala ball kept spirits high despite the miserable cold.

Trevor himself found a tuxedo but Nina expressed little interest. That did not surprise him. There were some things up Nina’s alley, and some things that were not.

The Grenadiers and a few human volunteers-including Major Prescott-handled security that New Years Eve so the others could dance and drink.

– The men wore everything from three-piece suits to slacks and sweaters. It differed from the old days in that no one felt out of place; no one competed. The fancier the suit merely meant the luckier the scavenger hunt. The same held true for the women dressed in outfits ranging from gorgeous gowns to slacks.

Trevor waded through the crowd to the table Jon captured next to the bar. Dante and Shepherd waited there with the Brewers. Lori wore a blue dress left over from someone’s prom.

Trevor elegantly kissed her hand saying, "You look dashing, my dear."

"Charmed, I’m sure," Lori drawled as soft music and chatter carried through the room.

"Where’s Nina?" Shep asked as he sipped from a bottle of beer.

"She’ll be over after guard duty."

Shepherd snickered, "She probably volunteered for guard duty. Late to get here, first to leave, I reckon."

"Not quite the social butterfly, huh?" Dante grunted.

"Hey, too each their own," Lori defended her friend.

"So, Trevor," Shep changed the subject as they stood in a circle with drinks in hand. "How’s Omar doing with that matter-maker thingy we found a while ago?"

Brewer sniped, "Just ask Omar, he’ll give you an ear full."

"It’s coming along, slowly," Trevor said. "Lots of limits to it. Can’t quite turn a brick into a gun or anything like that. But basic stuff. Hey, iron into gold. It can do that just fine."

Dante suggested, "Basic elements, huh?"

"Yeah, something like that. So far it looks like the biggest contribution that thing is going make in the short term is making more of that powder for the Redcoat guns and artillery. He’s been able to duplicate that stuff using things like sand. But it’s slow going."

Shepherd said, "Everything is slow going with this weather. People have got to find a way to keep busy."

"I know," Trevor agreed. "Prescott and some of his guys are setting up little boot camps for people. Basic training and all that."

Lori chuckled and said, "Turning bankers and teachers into soldiers and sharpshooters? That should be interesting."