Gordon Dickson - The Right to Arm Bears

“If… you don’t mind,” said Bill, stammering a little with breathlessness from his run, “this is a private…”

“Oh, all right!” she exploded furiously. “Go on, make a perfect fool of yourself! See if I care!”

She turned and stamped up the steps, through the hatch and into the ship. Bill looked after her, unhappily. There was the sound of a chuckle behind him.

“I wouldn’t worry about it,” said the voice of the tall man. “She’ll come around shortly.”

Bill turned sharply. Facing him was the same lean, long-nosed figure he had first met as the reassignment officer who had changed his course from Deneb-Seventeen to Dilbia. The man was smiling with an altogether unjustified cheerfulness. Bill did not smile back.

“What makes you so sure?” Bill snapped.

“For one thing,” answered the tall man, “the fact I know her better than you do. For another, I know some other facts you don’t know. For one thing, it’s a pretty fair guess she’s in love with you.”

“She— what ?” said Bill, jerking himself up in mid-sentence. He goggled at the tall man.

“She can’t help it,” said the tall man, the smile spreading across his face under the long nose. “You see, at heart she’s a Dilbian. And so are you.”

“Dilbian?” Bill was completely adrift on a sea of bafflement.

“Oh, your body and mind are human enough,” said the tall man. “But you’re strongly Dilbian—especially you, Bill—in your personality characteristics. Both of you were carefully chosen for that. You’ve got roughly the personality of a Dilbian hero-type, as closely as a human can have it. And Anita has a complementary Dilbian heroine-personality. You can hardly help being attracted to each other—”

“Oh?” interrupted Bill, grimly cutting the other short and hauling the conversation back to the main topic he had in mind. “Let’s forget that for the moment, shall we? You’re Lafe Greentree, aren’t you?”

“I’m afraid so,” said the tall man, still smiling.

“You never were a reassignment officer? And you never really did break your leg, did you?”

“No, I’m afraid those were both bits of necessary misinformation we had to give you.” Greentree laughed. “And it was worth it—what you’ve done here is breathtaking. You see, you were being used without your knowing it—”

“I figured that out, thanks,” said Bill harshly. “In fact I figured out a little more than you figured I would. I know what the real story was here, and I can guess from that what kind of a scheme you sold your superiors on, to get me assigned here. Mula- ay told me I was thrown in here, all untrained and unbriefed, deliberately to mess up the situation and give you a chance to close down a stalemated project without losing face. That’s the idea you sold your superiors on. But what you had in mind was a little bit more than that, wasn’t it?”

The smile faded into a puzzled look on Greentree’s long face.

“More than that—” he began.

“That’s right!” snapped Bill. “You didn’t just want me to mess things up here; you wanted me killed !”

“ I wanted you killed?” repeated Greentree, in a tone of astonishment. “But Mula- ay wouldn’t try anything like that, unless—”

“I’m not talking about Mula- ay and you know it,” snarled Bill. “I’m talking about Bone Breaker and the duel!”

“But we never thought you’d actually fight the duel!” protested Greentree. “All you had to do was hole up in the Residency. Bone Breaker and his outlaws wouldn’t have come into the village after you. You’d have been quite safe—”

“Sure,” said Bill, “that’s what you told your superiors, wasn’t it? Only you knew better. You knew that I’d have been gotten to that duel if Sweet Thing had to kidnap me herself and carry me to it!”

“Sweet Thing?” said Greentree. “What’s Sweet Thing got to do with it?”

“Don’t try to pretend you didn’t know. Anita didn’t know—I thought at first she did, but it was plain she didn’t understand the male Dilbians at all. She thought More Jam was just a figure of fun, instead of being the leading male in the Village. And Mula- ay didn’t know. But you must have figured it out some time before and realized that you’d been doing things exactly the wrong way around with the Dilbians. Officially, the Alien Cultures Service couldn’t fault you for not finding out sooner how the Dilbians worked—but unofficially, the way you’d been made a fool of would have been a joke from one end of the Service rankings to the other. And that joke could just about kill any hopes of promotion for you, later. So you set me up to be killed—so the project wouldn’t merely be closed ‘temporarily’ but hushed up, and its records buried in the files; and that way no one would find out how you’d been fooled!”

“Wait a minute—” said Greentree bewilderedly. “As I said, you’ve been used here without your permission or knowledge. I admit that. But the rest of all this—I give you my word I’m no more a villain than Anita is, except that I knew why you were sent here and she didn’t. Now, what’s all this about Sweet Thing carrying you to that duel with Bone Breaker?”

“As if you didn’t know!” snapped Bill, getting hold of himself just in time as his voice threatened to scale upward to a shout that would be heard inside the courier ship. “Do you think you can talk me out of what I know? You set me up too beautifully for it to be an accident; and if you set me up, you had to have the Dilbians figured out; and if you’d figured them out, you couldn’t help knowing just what Bone Breaker was after!”

“I don’t—”

“Oh, cut it out!” said Bill. “You know it as well as I do. Bone Breaker wanted to quit outlawing and settle down before he began to lose his speed and strength. He wanted to quit and become a villager while he was still on top, but he couldn’t just abdicate as outlaw leader without a good reason—unless he wanted to lose face, tremendously—and face is what the Dilbian community runs on. So he settled on marrying Sweet Thing; and More Jam, by way of dowry, cooked up a scheme to get him out of being outlaw chief without loss of face.”

“What scheme?” Interest had begun to dawn on Greentree’s face beneath the frown of puzzlement.

“You know!” growled Bill. “All Dilbia knew that a Dilbian—the Streamside Terror—had once fought a human and lost, so, More Jam planned to get Bone Breaker in a duel with a human, so Bone Breaker could pretend to lose, too. Since it would be a human he’d be losing to, he’d still be top dog among his fellow Dilbians; but he could use the loss as an excuse to give up outlawing, and go to live in Muddy Nose. It was you More Jam planned on Bone Breaker fighting, but you saw the duel coming, so you ducked out and got me stuck with it instead. That was supposed to kill two birds with one stone—get the project closed up, and also get you off Dilbia before the duel took place. Because if you went through with the duel and survived, you’d have to explain to your superiors how you did it—and the whole business of your understanding the Dilbians and keeping the fact a secret would come out!”

Bill stopped. Greentree was staring at him strangely.

“Admit it!” demanded Bill. “I’ve got you cold and you know it!” But, though his words were angry as ever, a slight uneasiness was beginning to stir in Bill. It was incredible that Greentree could go on pretending to be innocent this way, in the face of what Bill had told him. Unless he really was innocent—but with what Bill knew, that was impossible.

“Maybe you’ll tell me,” said Greentree in an odd voice, “just what it was—this understanding of the Dilbians you say I have?”