Lindsay Buroker - Torrent

“They’ll never know I was there,” Simon murmured, his face toward the screen, his fingers dancing over the keyboard.

“Uh huh.” I pointed at his MacBook. “When you’re done hacking the DMV, would you mind making an mp3 of that video footage? I’m going to try and get one of my old linguistics professors to run an analysis of it.”

“‘kay,” Simon said without glancing up. I’d probably have to ask him a few more times.

With nothing better to do, I watched Autumn mix a couple of solutions for the blood test. Temi was still sitting on the bed, the book in her lap, her bad leg stretched out before her. She looked like she wasn’t sure if she should be helping somehow. I thought about telling her that the hotel room was help enough and greatly appreciated, but Autumn drew my attention with a hmm noise.

“Find something?” I asked.

“I can tell you that this blood isn’t human, ape, chimpanzee, gorilla, or bonobo.”

“Not bonobo? You’re sure?”

Autumn gave me an amused look.

“I’m guessing those are all the mammals that share the ABO blood group?” I said.

“That’s right. I don’t have the solutions to test for anything else with me. You should have told me you wanted animal blood testing done before I left home.”

“We didn’t have the blood two hours ago.” I thought of the webbed and clawed tracks. “I’m not sure this stuff is going to match up with any normal animals either.”

“You could run it to a vet’s office in the morning anyway,” Autumn said. “They could check for canine and feline, maybe equine and bovine too. Of course, I could take it down to U of A and have my friend run it through their DNA sequencer, but I don’t want to drive all the way down there tonight.”

“I was surprised you came down from Flagstaff as it is.”

“I wanted some sweet potato fries and figured you’d buy if I did.” Autumn winked.

“Ah. I guess that can be arranged.” Maybe the cafe would be more populated this evening, and town in general. I needed to find time to go around trying to sell some of the goodies we had in the van-before something threw a rock through the window and damaged everything. The sale of the antique coffee grinder wasn’t going to keep us in the black for long. “I’d love to see the results of a DNA test though, if you’re up for a road trip tomorrow. It’s Saturday-you’ll be off right?”

“Yes, and I can’t think of anything I’d rather do than run errands for you.”

“Judging from the sarcastic tone of voice, I better be ready to pony up a burger as well as fries,” I said.

“And some beer too. Though I admit you’ve got me curious as to what this came from too. I’m going to be irked if you dragged me down here to analyze squirrel blood.”

“We didn’t drag you down here, you came,” I pointed out. “But I promise it’s not squirrel blood.”

“Would a police crime lab have the ability to run a DNA test?” Temi asked. “Maybe there’s one of those in town.”

Autumn gave her an are-you-stupid look. “Crime labs do basic forensic DNA typing by comparing a sample of bodily fluid to the DNA profiles of people in the government’s database. They look at less than point one percent of the genome. Basically they have the ability to compare genetic fingerprints. Of human beings.” She held up the slide. “I’ve already told you this isn’t human blood. Unless your local vet can come up with an obvious answer, we’ll need to run a full genome sequencing to figure out what dropped this. If there is some kind of Franken-monster out there, that’s the only way we’ll get an idea of what genetic material was used as the base.”

“I see.” The set of Temi’s jaw suggested she wouldn’t have minded the information without the condescending tone.

I gave her an apologetic wave. Autumn had always been brusque and not particularly interested in bothering with social niceties, but she also didn’t care about my unique new career choice.

“I’ll definitely be curious to find out that information,” I said, trying to steer the attention away from Temi. “I’ll be even more curious to find out if this blood belongs to the creature or the interesting men I mentioned.”

“Your interesting men aren’t human?” Autumn asked.

“I… don’t know.”

“They’re a little too pretty to be bonobos too,” Simon said, surprising me by chiming in.

“Got my mp3 sample yet?” I asked him.

“No, but I have the information on those plates.”

“Butch and Bruno?”

“Elizabeth and Maude Somersett from Deer Lodge, Montana,” Simon said.

“Are those lovers or sisters?” Autumn asked.

“The DMV records didn’t mention it, though the Silver State Post does have a blurb on the theft of the ladies’ motorcycles. Apparently, they’re retired grandmothers whose hobbies include crocheting, running a book club, and cruising through the Rockies on their bikes.”

I wasn’t sure what made me scratch my head more, the idea of grannies on Harleys or the idea of our interesting men stealing Harleys from grannies.

“There’s one way we could find out whose blood it is,” Temi said.

“Go ask?” Simon suggested.

Temi nodded. “We could visit their hotel room and see if they’d like to join us for pizza. If one of them is wearing a bandage or limping, we’ll have a good idea that it was their blood.”

Simon checked his phone. “The tracking device is back outside the Vendome.”

“Tracking device?” Autumn mouthed.

“I believe the rules of stalking say that you’re not supposed to actually let your target know you’re stalking them,” I told Temi. “Asking them out to pizza might give us away.”

“Perhaps so,” she said, “but it would give us a chance to talk to them instead of simply guessing as to their plans and motivations.”

“I didn’t know you’d developed that much of an interest in their plans and motivations,” I said. “Or is this only since you decided the older one is striking?”

“Of course not.” With her dark skin, it was hard to tell when she was blushing, but she did avoid my eyes when she spoke.

Simon craned his neck around to frown in Temi’s direction.

Lovely. My best friend had a crush on a former pro tennis player, and a former pro tennis player had a crush on an alien. When had my life gotten so odd?

A firm, crisp knock sounded on the door. We all looked at each other.

“Any chance someone ordered a pizza?” I asked.

Three people shook their heads. The curtains were closed, so we couldn’t see outside without alerting our knockers, but I hesitated to hustle over to answer the door. We weren’t expecting anyone, and at this point, I couldn’t imagine anything good finding us.

Temi slid off the bed and headed for the door.

I nudged Simon. “As the man in the room, don’t you think you should go help her?”

“How?” he whispered.

“You could loom threateningly at her shoulder.”

“She’s taller than I am. I don’t think it’s possible to loom threateningly from under a woman’s armpit.”

Temi fastened the chain, then opened the door the couple of inches it allowed. “Yes?” she asked.

I shifted from foot to foot. Short of jumping up on the bed, I couldn’t see past her to who stood out there. Nor could I hear enough of the soft-spoken voice on the other side of the door to guess at the owner’s identity. I scooted forward, thinking that I wasn’t beneath peering underneath her armpit, but she said, “I’ll check,” and closed the door.

“Who is it?” I asked.

“Our interesting men,” Temi said.

“Do they want to punch, strangle, pummel, or otherwise maim us for following them today?” Simon asked.