Peter Watts - Blindsight

“They said it would take time.”

“But two years! There’s nothing wrong with helping nature along a little, we’re not even talking black market. It’s over-the-counter, for God’s sake!”

“That’s not the point.”

An empty pill bottle. That’s what one of them had thrown out, before forgetting to close the lid. I salvaged it from the kitchen discards and sounded out the label in my head.

“Maybe the point should be that someone who’s barely home three months of the year has got his bloody nerve passing judgment on my parenting skills. If you want a say in how he’s raised, then you can damn well pay some dues first. Until then, just fuck right off.”

“You will not put that shit into my son ever again ,” my father said.

“Yeah? And how are you going to stop me, you little geek? You can’t even make the time to find out what’s going on in your own family; you think you can control me all the way from fucking orbit? You think—”

Suddenly, nothing came from the living room but soft choking sounds. I peeked around the corner.

My father had Helen by the throat.

“I think,” he growled, “that I can stop you from doing anything to Siri ever again, if I have to. And I think you know that.”

And then she saw me. And then he did. And my father took his hand from around my mother’s neck, and his face was utterly unreadable.

But there was no mistaking the triumph on hers.

I was up off the couch, the skullcap clenched in one hand. Chelsea stood wide-eyed before me, the butterfly still as death on her cheekbone.

She took my hand. “Oh, God. I’m so sorry.”

“You — you saw that?”

“No, of course not. It can’t read minds. But that obviously — wasn’t a happy memory.”

“It wasn’t all that bad.”

I felt sharp, disembodied pain from somewhere nearby, like an ink spot on a white tablecloth. After a moment I fixed it: teeth in my lip.

She ran her hand up my arm. “It really stressed you out. Your vitals were — are you okay?”

“Yeah, of course. No big deal.” Tasting salt. “I am curious about something, though.”

“Ask me.”

“Why would you do this to me?”

“Because we can make it go away , Cygnus. That’s the whole point. Whatever that was, whatever you didn’t like about it, we know where it is now. We can go back in and damp it out just like that . And then we’ve got days to get it removed permanently, if that’s what you want. Just put the cap back on and—”

She put her arms around me, drew me close. She smelled like sand, and sweat. I loved the way she smelled. For a while, I could feel a little bit safe. For a while I could feel like the bottom wasn’t going to drop out at any moment. Somehow, when I was with Chelsea, I mattered .

I wanted her to hold me forever.

“I don’t think so,” I said .

“No?” She blinked, looked up at me. “Why ever not ?”

I shrugged. “You know what they say about people who don’t remember the past.”

We were blind and helpless, jammed into a fragile bubble behind enemy lines. But finally the whisperers were silent. The monsters had stayed beyond the covers.

And Amanda Bates was out there with them.

“What the fuck,” Szpindel breathed.

The eyes behind his faceplate were active and searching. “You can see?” I asked.

He nodded. “What happened to Bates? Her suit breach?”

“I don’t think so.”

“Then why’d she say she was dead? What—”

“She meant it literally ,” I told him. “Not I’m as good as dead or I’m going to die . She meant dead now . Like she was a talking corpse.”

“How do—” you know? Stupid question. His face ticced and trembled in the helmet. “That’s crazy, eh?”

“Define crazy .”

The Gang floated quietly, cheek-to-jowl behind Szpindel in the cramped enclosure. Cruncher had stopped obsessing about the leg as soon as we’d sealed up. Or maybe he’d simply been overridden; I thought I saw facets of Susan in the twitching of those thick gloved fingers.

Szpindel’s breath echoed second-hand over the link. “If Bates is dead, then so are we.”

“Maybe not. We wait out the spike, we get out of here. Besides,” I added, “she wasn’t dead. She only said she was.”

“Fuck,” Szpindel reached out and pressed his gloved palm against the skin of the tent. He felt back and forth along the fabric. “Someone did put out a transducer—”

“Eight o’clock,” I said. “About a meter.” Szpindel’s hand came to rest across the wall from the pod. My HUD flooded with second-hand numbers, vibrated down his arm and relayed to our suits.

Still five Tesla out there. Falling, though. The tent expanded around us as if breathing, shrank back in the next second as some transient low-pressure front moved past.

“When did your sight come back?” I wondered.

“Soon as we came inside.”

“Sooner. You saw the battery.”

“Fumbled it.” He grunted. “Not that I’m much less of a spaz even when I’m not blind, eh? Bates! You out there?”

“You reached for it. You almost caught it. That wasn’t blind chance.”

“Not blind chance. Blind sight . Amanda? Respond, please.”

“Blindsight?”

“Nothing wrong with the receptors,” he said distractedly. “Brain processes the image but it can’t access it. Brain stem takes over.”

“Your brainstem can see but you can’t ?”

“Something like that. Shut up and let me — Amanda, can you hear me?”

“…No…”

Not from anyone in the tent, that voice. It had shivered down Szpindel’s arm, barely audible, with the rest of the data. From outside .

“Major Mandy!” Szpindel exclaimed. “You’re alive!”

“…no…” A whisper like white noise.

“Well you’re talking to us, so you sure as shit ain’t dead .”

“No…”

Szpindel and I exchanged looks. “What’s the problem, Major?”

Silence. The Gang bumped gently against the wall behind us, all facets opaque.

“Major Bates? Can you hear me?”

“No.” It was a dead voice — sedated, trapped in a fishbowl, transmitted through limbs and lead at a three-digit baud rate. But it was definitely Bates’ voice.

“Major, you’ve got to get in here,” Szpindel said. “Can you come inside?”

“…No…”

“Are you injured? Are you pinned by something?”

“…N — no.”

Maybe not her voice, after all. Maybe just her vocal cords.

“Look. Amanda, it’s dangerous. It’s too damn hot out there, do you understand? You—”

“I’m not out here,” said the voice.

“Where are you?”

“…nowhere.”

I looked at Szpindel. Szpindel looked at me. Neither of us spoke.

James did. At long last, and softly: “And what are you, Amanda?”

No answer.

“Are you Rorschach ?”

Here in the belly of the beast, it was so easy to believe.

“No…”

“Then what?”

“N…nothing.” The voice was flat and mechanical. “I’m nothing.”

“You’re saying you don’t exist?” Szpindel said slowly.

“Yes.”

The tent breathed around us.