Steven Campbell - Hard Luck Hank - Screw the Galaxy

With every ounce of effort I had left, I turned my head to the side, mostly because I was tired of my broken nose mashing into the street.

In the distance. What seemed like a million miles away. I saw it. It was the Dredel Led. I think it had paused in its movement. Probably because it just spotted a pissed-off Therezian.

I would have given the last unbroken bone in my foot to know what that robot was thinking. I mean it was probably some gobbledygook that didn’t make any sense, but I could just see it going, “Wasn’t I just fighting someone a lot smaller?” Who would have thought the most useless space station at the edge of the most useless empire’s territory could put up such opposition?

Then I saw Wallow running towards the Dredel Led. I had never seen him run before. No wonder he got around so fast. Three steps and he had crossed the length of the block.

I wanted to move, to get the crap out of there. The battlefield of the gods was no place for a jaywalker. But I couldn’t. I was done. A little child could come by and poke me in the eye until I died and I wouldn’t be able to do a damn thing.

Worst of all, my body tormented me with consciousness. This time, I was absolutely happy to go to sleep. Even go to sleep and not wake up. But no. My body was like, “You didn’t listen to me before, so now you get to experience the joy of being a sack of wrecked meat.”

I couldn’t even close my eye, because then it just made me more aware of the pain. So I lay there like a bloody barnacle only semi-conscious of the battle in the distance.

I kind of hoped Wallow won.

But not entirely.

I woke up at the hospital at one point and tasted wires. There were at least a dozen small ones in my mouth. So many I could barely move my tongue. There were several up my nose. I think there was one in my ear. I was literally plugged in.

The room had three technicians in it buzzing around. I turned my eyes and saw the medical machines were literally suspended from each other in mid-air. Interconnected cords ran through boxes of blinking lights and dials and buttons which were slanted and stacked in defiance of gravity. A tech was cursing at one when he saw my eyes open.

“Hank. Oh, we had to trick the instruments into thinking you were alive. This one—”

Good, I’m dead. Won’t have to put up with any more crap. I closed my eyes again and let the bastards have my carcass. Fat lot of use they’ll get out of it.

Much later I saw a light. It grew brighter and brighter.

Then it turned blue. I awoke and saw Jyen smiling at me in a chair beside my bed.

“Told you he was coming around,” a male voice said from somewhere. But I was still staring at Jyen, who I now noticed was holding my hand.

“What are you doing here?” I croaked past the tubes in my mouth.

“She said she was with you. Or worked with you. Or something,” an obviously annoyed Garm interjected from the other side of the bed.

But that’s not what I meant.

“No, what are you doing here? Why haven’t you left?”

Jyen’s beatific smile slightly faded and she looked at Garm.

“We can talk about that later, Hank. You need to rest.”

All I could think was, if she hasn’t left, then her brother hasn’t. That means there could be ten more Dredel Led on the way.

I started to move, but then thought better of it. There must have been a hundred cables attached to me. Pretty sure they were in my nether regions as well. That’s not going to be pretty.

“How long,” I began, then fumbled on the wires in my mouth.

“You’ve been here for almost a month,” Garm said. “A lot has happened.”

I reached up gingerly to feel for my beard, but none was there. Someone had been shaving me. Which was kind of creepy.

“Everyone knows what you did, Hank. You’re our protector,” Jyen bubbled.

“She’s not lying. I suppose there were some people who kind of doubted Rendrae’s original story in The News and the first Dredel Led. But there were like a thousand eyewitnesses to you punching it out with this last one in the middle of the street. Probably the bravest, dumbest thing I’ve ever heard of,” Garm said with mixed emotions.

I could think of one thing dumber.

“Why…did you shoot me with that damn…artillery piece?”

“Because you waved for me to!”

“Why…would I do that?”

“I don’t know. That’s what I couldn’t figure out. But we aimed behind you.”

I couldn’t even respond. I was already tired.

“Did they cut me open?” I asked uneasily.

“How they going to do that? With this junk?” she asked, indicating the dubious medical equipment. “They’ve been pumping you with nutrients and letting your body heal. Oh, and they rebuilt your teeth, but they said even those are slowly regrowing.”

It was true, I could feel a mouthful of new choppers. I wonder if they fixed my overbite.

“I wanted to personally come to thank you, Hank,” Jyen said, cupping my hand to her face.

She could have thanked me by leaving Belvaille.

“I need you back on your feet as soon as possible,” Garm cut in. “I need your moral authority to get some stuff done.” There was an urgent undercurrent in her voice.

“We need to talk as well,” Jyen said.

“I just killed every single alien invader on Belvaille. I think I deserve some time off,” I answered stubbornly.

“And you went three rounds with Wallow,” Garm said, impressed. “Wish I could have seen that fight.”

I had almost forgotten. If you call me getting momentarily stuck between his fingers a “fight,” then it was epic.

I stayed in the hospital for three more days. This was by far my slowest recovery. Of course it was also by far my worst set of injuries.

The de-wiring finally came and they were pulling things out of places better left unspoken. Or I wish they were unspoken. They explained it and I pretended to listen, but really I was just trying to disregard some guy pulling a fifteen-foot wire out of my rectum.

They had my clothes here. All these visitors and I was still left with my crappy clothes? The clothes I had when I got here. They’d washed them, but they were still ripped and stained and really tattered.

Someone had recovered both my guns. I tried to power on my pistol, but nothing happened. Finding that it worked would have really cheered me up. My shotgun looked fine, just some scratches.

I ambulated slowly down the hallway. I passed some patients and a few technicians along the way, and they all stared at me. They seemed amazed I was alive. Me too.

Got outside the hospital and realized I had three blocks to the train. Then there was more walking after that. I did not believe I could walk all the way to the train in one go, and I didn’t relish resting along the way.

I could call Garm and get her to drive me, but I knew she would bug me about work. Both my legs could be blown off and she would still blab about how I could help her by crawling after some jerk who owed her money.

That was Garm. But I didn’t feel like it right now.

Guy named Heningly I knew drove a cab. Not many in the city, but sometimes you needed stuff moved and had to rent out a car.

He seemed almost frightened I was calling him, but I explained I just wanted a ride from the hospital.

I sat down on the steps to wait, as I was already exhausted. Yeah, no way I could have made it to the train.

Finally, Heningly pulled up out front and I dragged myself down. I got in back as he held the door for me like I was a crippled granny. He didn’t look me in the face.

The backseat was spacious and had obviously been cleaned all of a few minutes ago, as it smelled strongly of solvent and was still wet at the sides.