Vernor Vinge - A Fire Upon the Deep

Well, they had made it a good way across the meadow, and fast enough to catch up with the whitejackets who was pulling the last alien member. If they wanted to see anything more, they'd have to figure how to leave the mob without attracting attention. Hmm. There were plenty of Flenserist uniforms around… without living owners. Peregrine walked two of himself over to where a dead trooper lay.

"Jaqueramaphan! Here!" The great spy looked in his direction, and a glint of intelligence returned to his eyes. He stumbled out of the mob and sat down a few yards from Wickwrackrum. It was far nearer than would normally be comfortable, but after what they'd been through, it seemed barely close. He lay for a moment, gasping. "Sorry, I never guessed it would be like that. I lost part of me back there… never thought I'd get her back."

Peregrine watched the progress of the whitejackets and its travois. It wasn't going with the others; in a few seconds it would be out of sight. With a disguise, maybe they could follow and — no, it was just too risky. He was beginning to think like the great spy. Peregrine pulled a camouflage jacket off a corpse. They would still need disguises. Maybe they could hang around here through the night, and get a closer look at the flying house.

After a moment, Scriber saw what he was doing, and began gathering jackets for himself. They slunk between the piled bodies, looking for gear that wasn't too stained and that Jaqueramaphan thought had consistent insignia. There were plenty of paw claws and battle axes around. They'd end up armed to the teeth, but they'd have to dump some of their backpacks… One more jacket was all he needed, but his Rum was so broad in the shoulders that nothing fit.

Peregrine didn't really understand what happened till later: a large fragment, a threesome, was lying doggo in the pile of dead. Perhaps it was grieving, long after its member's dying dirge; in any case, it was almost totally thoughtless until Peregrine began pulling the jacket off its dead member. Then, "You'll not rob from mine!" He heard the buzz of nearby rage, and then there was slashing pain across his Rum's gut. Peregrine writhed in agony, leaped upon the attacker. For a moment of mindless rage, they fought. Peregrine's battle axes slashed again and again, covering his muzzles with blood. When he came to his senses one of the three was dead, the others running into the mob of wounded.

Wickwrackrum huddled around the pain in his Rum. The attacker had been wearing tines. Rum was slashed from ribs to crotch. Wickwrackrum stumbled; some of his paws were caught in his own guts. He tried to nose the ruins back into his member's abdomen. The pain was fading, the sky in Rum's eyes slowly darkening. Peregrine stifled the screams he felt climbing within him. I'm only four, and one of me is dying! For years he'd been warning himself that four was just too small a number for a pilgrim. Now he'd pay the price, trapped and mindless in a land of tyrants.

For a moment, the pain eased and his thoughts were clear. The fight hadn't really caused much notice amid the dirges, rapes, and simple attacks of madness. Wickwrackrum's fight had only been a little bigger and bloodier than usual. The whitejackets by the flying house had looked briefly in their direction, but were now back to tearing open the alien cargo.

Scriber was sitting nearby, watching in horror. Part of him would move a little closer, then pull back. He was fighting with himself, trying to decide whether to help. Peregrine almost pleaded with him, but the effort was too great. Besides, Scriber was no pilgrim. Giving part of himself was not something Jaqueramaphan could do voluntarily…

Memories came flooding now, Rum's efforts to sort things out and let the rest of him know all that had been before. For a moment, he was sailing a twinhull across the South Sea, a newby with Rum as a pup; memories of the island person who had born Rum, and of packs before that. Once around the world they had traveled, surviving the slums of a tropic collective, and the war of the Plains Herds. Ah, the stories they had heard, the tricks they had learned, the people they had met… Wic Kwk Rac Rum had been a terrific combination, clear-thinking, lighthearted, with a strange ability to keep all the memories in place; that had been the real reason he had gone so long without growing to five or six. Now he would pay perhaps the greatest price of all…

Rum sighed, and could not see the sky anymore. Wickwrackrum's mind went, not as it does in the heat of battle when the sound of thought is lost, not as it does in the companionable murmur of sleep. There was suddenly no fourth presence, just the three, trying to make a person. The trio stood and patted nervously at itself. There was danger everywhere, but beyond its understanding. It sidled hopefully toward a sixsome sitting nearby — Jaqueramaphan? — but the other shooed it away. It looked nervously at the mob of wounded. There was completeness there… and madness too.

A huge male with deeply scarred haunches sat at the edge of the mob. It caught the threesome's eye, and slowly crawled across the open space toward them. Wic and Kwk and Rac back away, their pelts puffing up in fright and fascination; the scarred one was at least half again the weight of any of them.

… Where am I?… May I be part of you… please? Its keening carried memories, jumbled and mostly inaccessible, of blood and fighting, of military training before that. Somehow, the creature was as frightened of those early memories as of anything. It lay its muzzle — caked with dried blood — on the ground and belly crawled toward them. The other three almost ran; random coupling was something that scared all of them. They backed and backed, out onto the clear meadow. The other followed, but slowly, still crawling. Kwk licked her lips and walked back towards the stranger. She extended her neck and sniffed along the other's throat. Wic and Rac approached from the sides.

For an instant there was a partial join. Sweaty, bloody, wounded — a melding made in hell. The thought seemed to come from nowhere, glowed in the four for a moment of cynical humor. Then the unity was lost, and they were just three animals licking the face of a fourth.

Peregrine looked around the meadow with new eyes. He had been disintegrate for just a few minutes: The wounded from the Tenth Attack Infantry were just as before. Flenser's Servants were still busy with the alien cargo. Jaqueramaphan was slowly backing away, his expression a compound of wonder and horror. Peregrine lowered a head and hissed at him, "I won't betray you, Scriber."

The spy froze. "That you, Peregrine?"

"More or less." Peregrine still, but Wickwrackrum no more.

"H-how can you do it? Y-you just lost…"

"I'm a pilgrim, remember? We live with this sort of thing all our lives." There was sarcasm in his voice; this was more or less the cliche Jaqueramaphan had been spouting earlier. But there was some truth to it. Already Peregrine Wickwrack…scar felt like a person. Maybe this new combination had a chance.

"Uk. Well, yes… What should we do now?" The spy looked nervously in all directions, but his eyes on Peregrine were the most worried of all.

Now it was Wickwrackscar's turn to be puzzled. What was he doing here? Killing the strange enemy… No. That's what the Attack Infantry was doing. He would have nothing to do with that, no matter what the scarred one's memories. He and Scriber had come here to… to rescue the alien, as much of it as possible. Peregrine grabbed hold of the memory and held it uncritically; it was something real, from the past identity he must preserve. He glanced towards where he had last seen the alien member. The whitejackets and his travois were no longer visible, but he'd been heading along an obvious path.

"We can still get ourselves the live one," he said to Jaqueramaphan.