Steven Campbell - Hard Luck Hank - Basketful of Crap

A Colmarian had been constructed to be a robot. It was disgusting. I felt revolted being surrounded by them. All of them with identical faces? All of them with staring eyes?

No wonder this was outlawed.

I walked through them and they adjusted their heads as needed, but otherwise didn’t move.

I carefully put on my vest and more carefully put on my autocannon.

Facing them, I opened my front door and backed outside.

When I turned, I saw an APC, scores of soldiers, and two tanks in the street with their enormous turrets aimed right at me. The Gandrine apparently wanted no part of this and were not present.

“So this is it,” I said.

The tanks were huge. I was seeing them in full daylight and they were just monstrous. I knew I couldn’t shoot through them. My best bet was to load a canister round and try and take out some soldiers before they fired those guns.

I needed to act fast as I was only going to get one shot if I was lucky.

I quickly selected a canister round, pulled back the bolt, braced myself against the door, and fired.

Kachooom!

I was on my back somehow, even being braced by my apartment. My gun was on my chest, but I managed to get to my knees.

I cycled the bolt, ejecting the spent shell and reloaded.

I saw a number of soldiers had fallen but I noticed something very odd.

I was still alive.

The tanks had not fired. The soldiers had not fired.

The ones who were injured and not dead seemed to be fitfully trying to resume their positions. Like they didn’t know or care they were bleeding to death or otherwise mutilated.

A large electric whir sounded and the rear of the APC slowly lowered.

I waited for something to jump out.

Nothing did.

“Um. Am I supposed to go in there?” I asked the people I just shot.

I took a few steps forward. I still wasn’t dead. I took a few more steps.

The tank cannons swiveled slightly to keep level with my chest.

I picked up my pace and walked into the street, the tank turrets following me the whole way.

I saw soldiers who were gurgling blood and didn’t seem to mind. Some were on the ground, too crippled to stand, but who kept trying anyway.

“Sorry about…” I started, but I wasn’t sure who I would be speaking to.

One soldier whose leg was badly damaged kept falling down. I stowed my autocannon and helped the soldier to its feet, trying to lean it against the tank. It reacted as if I wasn’t there and tried to move back to its original position, only to fall down again.

I gave up and climbed into the back of the armored personnel carrier, which was filled with empty seats.

The door closed and I wondered if I was making a terrible mistake. But it couldn’t be worse than being shot at point blank range by two tank cannons.

I hoped.

The APC stopped in front of a warehouse in the southeast. The back door of the vehicle lowered and I got out.

There was no one to greet me.

I walked into the building. Inside there were boxes and soldiers and Naked Guy.

He stood some distance away, reading, and had not yet acknowledged me.

“Hi,” I yelled to him, staying close to the door. “Sorry about the soldiers. You should have given them a note or something. I wasn’t sure what they wanted at first.”

He looked at me briefly but didn’t respond. I walked closer to Naked Guy and saw he had quite a lot of papers. Stacks. It was an inefficient luxury on a space station. Paper was heavy and bulky, two properties that made it extremely expensive to ship.

“Hi,” I said again. I had my autocannon ready in front of me, but unloaded. I had taken the shell out during the ride and put it back in the magazine.

He stood up straight, putting away his papers, and looked at me with his black eyes.

“You spoke to the Navy recently. What did you discuss?”

“You know. This and that.”

I had been joking—well, lying—to the General about my tele being monitored, but maybe the corporation could after all.

“What did you discuss?” He asked it again as if I had said nothing.

“Just current events. Nothing special.”

“What did you discuss?”

I snickered.

“What my favorite restaurants are.”

“What did you discuss?”

“Are you going to keep asking me the same thing? We talked about Ginland glocken. I think we have a chance of winning a game this year.”

“What did you discuss?”

“I’m not sure if you’re aware of this, but your corporation attacked me and killed…a lot of people. I don’t feel like I owe you any explanations.”

“What did you discuss?”

“Alright. Well, it’s been great talking to you. I think I’m going to leave.”

“That would not be wise,” he said.

I had been brought here unharmed, but those tanks could have easily fired. I was also now deep in corporate territory. I wouldn’t get away unless he allowed me.

“And you want to know what the Navy talked to me about? They talked about what was going on here.”

“What did you discuss?”

I sighed.

“What do you want me to say? There’s Therezians here. They know you’re one corporation.”

“What did you discuss?”

“Rainbows! Sunshine! Happiness and teardrops! When are you going to believe me?”

“When you stop lying.”

“How do you know I’m lying?”

“Your eyes. Your breathing. Your heart rate. Your movements. Your skin.”

Hmm.

“All that stuff can be faked,” I said in my worst lie ever.

“What did you discuss?”

“They’re concerned.”

“What did you discuss?”

“How do I know you won’t attack us if I tell you?”

“I have no need.”

“Are you trying to keep this city free from the Navy? Is that why you have the Therezians?”

“No. What did you discuss?”

“Just…for them to come protect us.”

“When will they come?”

“I don’t know!”

“When will they come?”

“Like a week. That’s all he said.”

Naked Guy finally seemed to be satisfied. His expression didn’t change but at least he didn’t repeat himself.

“Why does your corporation have all these Therezians?” I asked.

“To give them away.”

“To who? Gangs?”

“Groups across the Colmarian Confederation.”

“For what purpose?”

“So they may fight each other.”

“Who? The Therezians? I don’t get it.”

“Colmarians,” he said.

“Colmarians fight Colmarians?” It seemed like the worst business plan I had ever heard.

“Yes.”

“But that’s nonsense. Colmarians don’t fight Colmarians. What’s your real purpose?”

“This Confederation is constantly fighting amongst itself. Just look at Belvaille.”

“Yeah, but we’re lowlifes. The rest of the empire isn’t like us.”

“Of course they are. You are the logical extension of what happens when restrictions are lifted. The Therezians will similarly lift those restrictions for other parties who are dissatisfied with one another.”

“So you’re going to sell one side a Therezian and have him beat the snot out of another side?”

“No. I will give them a Therezian. And give other sides tanks. And chemical weapons. And biological weapons.”

“What? Why? How will your corporation possibly make money off that?”

“It won’t.”

“Well, I’m no corporate leader, but I have to suspect they want to make something off their investments. Why else are you here?”

“This is why I’m here.”

I shook my head.

“Who are your bosses then? They can’t know you’re doing this.”

“There is only me,” he said.