Caroline Spector - Worlds Without End

"And what about Indochina? At least you tried to disguise your shape, but a seven-headed snake god?

I've told you that we aren't to interfere. There's too much at risk. What if they'd discovered what you re- ally are? They might have killed you."

"I'm as hard to kill as my parents," he said, bit- terly. "I am what you've made me. There is no place in this or any other world where I may live peace- fully. Why did you make me?"

I looked away. Thais was right, of course. He never should have been born. But I was mad at the time. Out of my mind with remorse and grief. Self- ish Aina.

"You must not do this again," I said. "It will only end in ruin. If not for you, then for your followers. Even now, when the magic is at a low ebb, you still, by your nature, have some power. Why don't you use it responsibly?"

"Oh, that's rich," he said, laughing harshly. Even so, it made me want to hold him and gaze into his eyes. Such power in my child. "You-talking about responsibility. You don't have the right."

"Mark my words, Thais. These tragedies will con- tinue if you don't do something about it."

"What would you have me do. Mother? Exile my- self to some mountaintop the way you did? Hide myself and live in isolation until the world is some- thing else again? I need them and they need me. You cannot imagine how I feel when they look at me and love me. When they fall to their knees and beg for my blessing and I give it to them. I was born to be a god. To be adored and worshipped. You can't take that away from me."

"I'm not trying to take anything away from you…"

"You took my father away."

"Don't be a fool, Thais," I said. "That was an ac- cident of birth."

He shrugged and looked away. I knew there was no use discussing this further. Thais had shut off from me, and nothing I could do or say would make any difference. How I wished that things could be different between us, but I knew I could as much wish for the moon for all the good it would do me.

And so we stood there, in that bare and barren place, divided by worlds and walls and the past that could never be undone.

She floats in a warm embrace. Hands touch her. Stroke her. Caress her until she trembles. Opening her eyes, she sees a faceless man. This doesn't frighten her-it's what she wants. To fall into the comfort of anonymity.

Safe and nameless.

"How are you going to contact Thais?" Caimbeui asked.

"A summoning," I said. "His nature is such that he won't be able to resist. I wish it hadn't come to this, but we haven't spoken in so many years. Since that terrible time after Wounded Knee."

"Why didn't you just call him up while we were in Tfr na n6g?"

"Too many enemies there," I said. "And Ala- chia doesn't know about Thais. At least not as far as I know.'I would keep it that way. There are some things she should never know. And I want him to be on my ground. Not his; not someone else's."

A wave of exhaustion swept over me. Suddenly, I wanted nothing more than to go and sleep for the rest of my natural life. But I didn't have that choice. There was too much at stake. I got up and walked back into the house.

Caimbeui drew the drapes as I turned off all but one light. Though it made little difference to my casting, I preferred less light. That way I could con- centrate on what was happening with the spell rather than my surroundings.

"This would be a lot simpler if you let me help," said Caimbeui.

The edges of the room faded back into shadows. The few pieces of furniture still covered in sheets looked ghostly against the far walls. The night noises were muffled by the drapes. Occasionally, I could still hear the drone of a low-flying Lone Star Security chopper.

"Are you ready?" I asked. I wasn't sure which of us I was asking.

Caimbeui nodded and stepped back into the shad- ows. I knew if anything untoward happened, he would take care of me.

Taking a deep breath and closing my eyes, I let myself relax and block everything out but the spell I was about to perform.

I saw Thais in my mind. As he was when he was born, then later when I finally met him again. Grown up and changed into something so like me, and so like his father, that I wept until he made me stop with his voice and eyes.

That was Thais's gift, after all.

As I pictured him in my mind, I let myself slip into astral space. There was the usual nauseating tug as 1 slipped between the veils. The ribbons flowed around me and into me until I couldn't tell the dif- ference between them and myself. I was filled with the power. Exhilarating and fierce. This was what I was bom to. I never doubted myself here. Here I knew who and what I was.

The veils parted as I remembered my task. I reached out my will, calling Thais to me. Command- ing him to come to my summons.

Time passed interminably slow. Then sped to light.

I float then fall.

The universe is around me. Inside me. I am the universe: waiting and watching.

Across worlds I come. Through the blazing heat of a thousand suns. From the Void. Into the dark- ness.

From the darkness, I pull light.

My child.

Some things you cannot resist. The bond between a mother and child.

The brilliance of Thais blinds me as I pull him closer and closer.

Come to me, child.

And he cannot refuse.

Then we are falling. Falling through space and time. Back to earth.

"What do you want?"

Thais was standing in the center of the room. A circle of blue energy surrounded him. I waved it away and he relaxed visibly.

"Was that really necessary?" he asked.

"Would you have come if I asked?"

He shook his head. "You abandoned me long ago. Why should I do you any favors now?"

I had hoped that old hurt had passed. But no, I was not to be forgiven any of my sins. Thais was still a child in so many ways. I had protected him too well.

"Very well, Thais, consider it a demand then," I said wearily. "I haven't the energy to fight with you about this now. There are other, more important, matters at hand."

Thais slid along the floor and pulled himself up onto the couch with his powerful arms. His thick, snake-like tail wrapped around his torso once, then hung down off the edge of his seat onto the floor.

"What does the Great and Powerful Aina want of me today? Perhaps I should go to the Wicked Witch of the West and retrieve her broom. Maybe I'll throw water on her and watch as she melts into brown sugar. Or there is always popping down a rab- bit hole… Which will it be?"

"Mind your manners, junior," said Caimbeul. "That's your mother you're addressing."

Both Thais and I turned toward him, open- mouthed. He shrugged.

"I think you've coddled him, Aina," said Caimbeul. "You've always protected him from… the world."

"Coddled?" Thais said. "You call being bom a monster coddled? Look at me. Why did she make me? It was her selfishness…"

"Oh, grow up," snapped Caimbeul. "This isn't about you…"

"Thank you," I interjected. "But why don't you let me get on with it?"

"Very well, but-"

I held my hand up and Caimbeul fell silent. A tight expression set on his face and I knew he was angry. It made me feel very warm inside.

I turned to Thais.

"Ysrthgrathe is back," I said.

Thais didn't say anything.

"Has he contacted you?" I asked.

"Why would I tell you if he had?" he asked.

"Thais, he's a liar. He spreads his misery that way. I know you want to believe… only the best."

"You don't know what I want," Thais said. "Why should I trust you more than him?"

"You know what he is," I said. "I've never kept that from you. There is more at stake here than your grudge against me. If he is back, then the world is at risk."

Thais rolled his eyes.

"It's always so dramatic with you, Mother," he said. His voice was that of a smirky, sarcastic fifteen-year-old. "How is it that you're always on hand to save the country, the planet, the universe? Don't you ever get tired?"