Peter Watts - Firefall

Sarasti hadn’t quite looked at her, and hadn’t quite spoken. If he had, he might have said I do not understand how meat like you survived to adulthood .

Eleven minutes to apogee, and Amanda Bates was lamenting the fact—not for the first time—that this mission was not under military jurisdiction.

We were waiting for maximum distance before performing the experiment. Rorschach might interpret this as a hostile act , Sarasti had conceded in a voice that contained no trace of irony whatsoever. Now he stood before us, watching ConSensus play on the table. Reflections writhed across his naked eyes, not quite masking the deeper reflections behind them.

Ten minutes to apogee. Susan James was wishing that Cunningham would put out that goddamned cigarrette. The smoke stank on its way to the ventilators, and anyway, it wasn’t necessary. It was just an anachronistic affectation, an attention-getting device; if he needed the nicotine a patch could have soothed his tremors just as easily, without the smoke and the stink.

That wasn’t all she was thinking, though. She was wondering why Cunningham had been summoned to Sarasti’s quarters earlier in the shift, why he’d looked at her so strangely afterward. I wondered about that myself. A quick check on ConSensus timestamps showed that her medical file had been accessed during that period. I checked those stats, let the shapes bounce between hemispheres: part of my brain locked on elevated oxytocin as the probable reason for that conference. There was an eighty-two percent chance that James had become too trusting for Sarasti’s liking.

I had no idea how I knew that. I never did.

Nine minutes to apogee

Barely a molecule of Rorschach ’s atmosphere had been lost on our account. That was all about to change. Our view of base camp split like a dividing bacterium: one window now focused on the limpet tent, the other on a wide-angle tactical enhance of the space around it.

Eight minutes to apogee. Sarasti pulled the plug.

Down on Rorschach , our tent burst like a bug beneath a boot. A geyser erupted from the wound; a snowstorm swirled at its edges, its charged curlicues intricate as lace. Atmosphere gushed into vacuum, spread thin, crystallized. Briefly, the space around base camp sparkled . It was almost beautiful.

Bates didn’t think it was beautiful at all. She watched that bleeding wound with a face as expressionless as Cunningham’s, but her jaw was clenched unto tetanus. Her eyes darted between views: watching for things gasping in the shadows.

Rorschach convulsed.

Vast trunks and arteries shuddered, a seismic tremor radiating out along the structure. The epicenter began to twist , a vast segment rotating on its axis, the breach midway along its length. Stress lines appeared where the length that rotated sheared against the lengths to either side that didn’t; the structure seemed to soften and stretch there, constricting like a great elongate balloon torqueing itself into sausage links.

Sarasti clicked. Cats made something like that sound when they spied a bird on the far side of a windowpane.

ConSensus groaned with the sound of worlds scraping against each other: telemetry from the onsite sensors, their ears to the ground. Jack’s camera controls had frozen again. The image it sent was canted and grainy. The pickup stared blankly at the edge of the hole we’d bored into the underworld.

The groaning subsided. A final faint cloud of crystalline stardust dissipated into space, barely visible even on max enhance.

No bodies. None visible, anyway.

Sudden motion at base camp. At first I thought it was static on Jack’s feed, playing along lines of high contrast—but no, something was definitely moving along the edges of the hole we’d burned. Something almost wriggled there, a thousand gray mycelia extruding from the cut surface and writhing slowly into the darkness. “It’s—huh,” Bates said. “Triggered by the pressure drop, I guess. That’s one way to seal a breach.”

Two weeks after we’d wounded it, Rorschach had begun to heal itself.

Apogee behind us now. All downhill from here. Theseus began the long drop back into enemy territory.

“Doesn’t use septa,” Sarasti said.

FIRST-PERSON SEX— real sex, as Chelsea insisted on calling it—was an acquired taste: jagged breathing, the raw slap and stink of sweaty skin full of pores and blemishes, a whole other person with a whole other set of demands and dislikes. There was definite animal appeal, no doubt about it. This was, after all, how we’d done it for millions of years. But this, this third-world carnality had always carried an element of struggle, of asynchronous patterns in conflict. There was no convergence here. There was only the rhythm of bodies in collision, a struggle for dominance, each trying to force the other into synch.

Chelsea regarded it as love in its purest form. I came to think of it as hand-to-hand combat. Before, whether fucking creations from my own menu or slip-on skins from someone else’s, I had always selected the contrast and the rez, the texture and the attitude. The bodily functions, the resistance of competing desires, the endless foreplay that wears your tongue to the root and leaves your face sticky and glistening—just kinks, today. Options for the masochistic.

But there were no options with Chelsea. With her, everything came standard.

I indulged her. I guess I was no more patient with her perversions than she was with my ineptitude at them. Other things made it worth the effort. Chelsea would argue about anything under the sun, wry and insightful and curious as a cat. She would pounce without warning. Retired to the redundant majority, she still took such simple joy in the very act of being alive . She was impulsive and impetuous. She cared about people. Pag. Me . She wanted to know me. She wanted in.

That was proving to be a problem.

“We could try it again,” she said once in an aftermath of sweat and pheromones. “And you won’t even remember what you were so upset about. You won’t even remember you were upset, if you don’t want to.”

I smiled and looked away; suddenly the planes of her face were coarse and unappealing. “How many times is that now? Eight? Nine?”

“I just want you to be happy , Cyg. True happiness is one hell of a gift, and I can give it to you if you’ll let me.”

“You don’t want me happy,” I said pleasantly. “You want me customized.”

She mmm’d into the hollow of my throat for a moment. Then: “What?”

“You just want to change me into something more, more accommodating .”

Chelsea lifted her head. “Look at me.”

I turned my head. She’d shut down the chromatophores in her cheek; the tattoo, transplanted, fluttered now on her shoulder.

“Look at my eyes ,” Chelsea said.

I looked at the imperfect skin around them, at the capillaries wriggling across the whites. I felt a distant bemusement that such flawed, decaying organs were still able to hypnotize me on occasion.

“Now,” Chelsea said. “What do you mean by that?”

I shrugged. “You keep pretending this is a partnership. We both know it’s a competition.”