Max Collins - After the Dark

“I don’t see the difference.”

“The man did not lie. He just... kinda held back the truth.”

“There’s a word for that, Cindy.”

“... Bullshit?”

“No... sophistry.” Her mentor Moody had taught her that.

“Sof’ his’try, hard his’try... it should be history, you dig?”

“Some things can’t be forgiven.”

Original Cindy backed away and lifted her head and gazed down at Max, as if she were trying to see her better. “You look like Max and you sound like Max... but you can’t be Max.”

Not at all in the mood for being kidded, Max turned away from her friend.

“’Cause if you was the real Max? You wouldn’t be such a damn fool.”

“Thank you very much.”

“How long you known Logan?”

“... Goin’ on two years.”

“And how much you been through together?”

“... A lot.”

“And who was always there for you no matter how bad things got?”

“You.”

O.C. grinned. “Goes without sayin’, but who else?”

“Joshua.”

Original Cindy punched her lightly in the shoulder. “Thank you for makin’ my point about you bein’ a damn fool.”

Max managed a tiny grin. “Logan has always been there. For me.”

“Yeah. And that’s somethin’, ain’t it, in this post-Pulse piece-of-shit world?... Who I got?”

“Well — you got me.”

“Yeah, and hey, Boo, thass a lot, don’t get me wrong, but that ain’t everything, you dig? Friendship is cool, way cool — but we got needs, you and me, that you and me don’t do for each other.”

Chuckling, Max admitted, “Yeah, I suppose.”

Original Cindy was not chuckling. “Me, I had Diamond... only, she’s gone.”

Diamond Latrell had been Original Cindy’s one true love, or so it seemed to Max; Latrell had been injected with a biotech experiment while in prison. Max helped Logan bring down Synthedyne, the corporation responsible for the experiments, and Diamond managed to pass the bioagent on to Synthedyne’s CEO Sidney Croal before she, too, died.

“I know, Cin,” Max said. “I’m so sorry...”

“True love’s a bitch, ain’t it? To try an’ find in this world, I mean... and you done found it, Boo. And ’cause your lover boy held back somethin’, ’cause he was afraid it would hurt you and he didn’t want to risk losin’ you... ’cause he ain’t perfect, you’re ready to crumple that up and toss it away like a damn candy wrapper?”

“Cin... I can’t trust him.”

“Well, of course you can’t,” O.C. said, rolling her eyes. “He’s a man, ain’t he?”

“He’s a man.”

“Then sayin’ you can’t trust him is like sayin’ water’s wet. That’s why the divorce rate is sixty-forty against, right?”

“I guess.”

“But you can trust him for some things.”

“Such as?”

Original Cindy took one of Max’s hands in both of hers. “Trust that he’s gonna love you till he dies.”

“... You think?”

She nodded. “Trust he’s always got your back and ain’t never gonna let nothin’ bad happen to you, not if he can help it.”

“Then why did he not tell me about Seth for all that time, only to spring it on me now?”

“You rather he never tell ya?”

“... In a way.”

“So it’s okay for you to lie to yourself; it’s just other people who can’t lie to you. Boo, the man’s tryin’ to be honest. He knows he screwed up, and he was tryin’ to fix it... not make it worse.”

“But he did.”

“Girl! You wanna pout till doomsday? Or you want a man in your life that couldn’t take your fine ass to bed till he owned up with you ’bout something that was burnin’ a hole in him? Boy’s got a damn conscience, and you kicked him outta your life not for bein’ dishonest... but for bein’ honest !”

Stunned by Cindy’s take on the situation, Max sat and quietly considered her friend’s words.

Finally, she was starting to see this from outside herself. It would have been easy for Logan to keep up the lie — all he had to do was keep his mouth shut. She never would have found out about Seth if he hadn’t told her...

“Don’t you ever get tired of it?” Max asked Original Cindy.

“Tired of what?”

“Being right.”

O.C. grinned and took a long drink from her coffee. “Oh, it’s a burden, baby... Now, then — what you gonna do about this shit?”

That question was hard to answer.

Making a face, Original Cindy said, “That coffee’s cold. Let’s go get some fresh, and talk this sucker out.”

Max shook her head.

“Why not?”

“I really think I’ve heard everything you have to say on this subject.”

Worried, Original Cindy said, “That won’t stop Original Cindy from houndin’ you. You best give in.”

“Know what? Think I ‘best’ go talk to Logan.”

Original Cindy’s face lit up. “Now you’re talkin’, Boo.”

“I suppose I owe it to him to at least... try to straighten things out.”

“See, girl? You ain’t terminally infected with the bitch bug, after all! Maybe ol’ Kelpy took that one on, too.”

Max yelped a laugh and gently slugged her friend’s arm.

O.C.’s smile melted into a frown.

“Oh,” Max said. “Didn’t mean to hit you hard or anything...”

“Ain’t that, Boo. It’s just... if you’re finally goin’ to see Logan, and we’re not goin’ out after fresh coffee... thass tragic in its own self.”

“How so?”

“It means... Original Cindy’s got to go to work.”

They both laughed, and then they hugged.

Max felt a tear working its way down her cheek. As they broke, she hastily wiped it away.

But Cindy had caught the action, and said with the surprising gentleness this tough woman carried, “Don’t worry, Boo. It’s gonna work out. You two both too pretty to be unhappy.”

“Oh, you,” Max said, nodding and trying to smile, wanting to share her friend’s confidence; but truth was, she held little hope.

There was that damned word again: hope.

And maybe this apprehension was why — on her way to see Logan — she stopped first at the control center in Terminal City. She told herself she was doing this out of a sense of responsibility, but she knew nonetheless that she might just be stalling.

Still, she hadn’t spent this long a time out of touch with the others since the beginning of the siege. She was their leader, and it bothered her that she’d given so little thought to her responsibilities, that she had gone off by herself without consideration for her friends, who — like Original Cindy — had probably been worried about her.

The strange thing about last night was, she had enjoyed the time to herself, the solitude, even if she had been basking in something approaching self-pity. Within her the call of the maverick was struggling to be heard. She wondered if her life would always contain these contradictory urges, reflecting the periods when she’d been a part of a group... as at Manticore, or with the L.A. street gang, the Brood... and those other times when she’d been very much on her own, scratching for survival, based upon her own skills and wits.

Seattle had begun as a quest for anonymity — once Seth was lost to her, Max only wanted to blend in with the crowd, a loner on the watch for her Manticore pursuers. But over the course of two years, another family had gathered itself around her: Cindy and Joshua and Sketchy and Alec and the other transgenics, and even Normal, and, yes, most of all Logan.

Was the presence of this family a comforting one in her life, or merely smothering?

She passed through those tall forbidding gates, made the walk to the heavy steel door that led into the control center, the weight of that door seeming to transfer to her as she swung it open.