Anonymous - Pearl

Til wearied tongues found gamahuching cloy,

And pricks, and cunts, grew callous to the joy.

Then dulled by frigging, by mock pricks enlarged,

Her noble duties Cunt but ill discharged.

Her nymphae drooped, her devil's bite grew weak,

And twice two pricks might flounder in her creek;

Till all the edge was taken off the bliss,

And Cunt's sole occupation was to piss.

Forced from her former joys, with scoft and brunt,

She saw great Arsehole lay the ghost Cunt.

Exulting buggers hailed the joyful day,

And piles and hoemerrids confirmed his sway.

But who lust's future fancies can explore,

And mark the whimsies that remain in store?

Perhaps it shall be deemed a lover's treat,

To suck the flowering quims of mares in heat;

Perhaps, where beauty held unequalled sway,

A Cochin fowl shall rival Mabel Grey;

Nobles be ruined by the Hyaena's smile,

And Seals get short engagements from th' Argyle.

Hard is her lot, that here by Fortune placed,

Must watch the wild vicissitudes of taste;

Catch every whim, learn every bawdy trick,

And chase the new born bubbles of the prick;

Ah, let not Censure term our fate, our choice,

The Bawd but echoes back the public voice;

The Brothel's laws, the Brothel's patrons give,

And those that live to please, must please to live;

Then purge these growing follies from your hearts,

And turn to female arms, and female arts;

'Tis yours this night, to bid the reign begin,

Of all the good old-fashioned ways to sin;

Clean, wholesome girls, with lip, tongue, cunt, and hand,

Shall raise, keep up, put in, take down a stand;

Your bottoms shall by lily hands be bled,

And birches blossom under every bed.

THE ORIGIN SPECIES.

Air. — "Derry Down."

When Adam and Eve were first put into Eden,

They never once thought of that pleasant thing — breeding

Though they had not a rag to cover their front,

Adam sported his prick, and Eve sported her cunt.

Derry down.

Adam's prick was so thick and so long — such a teaser;

Eve's cunt was so hairy and fat — such a breezer;

Adam's thing was just formed any maiden to please,

And his bollocks hung down very near to his knees.

Derry down.

Eve played with his balls, and thought it no harm:

He fingered her quim and ne'er felt alarm;

He tickled her bubbies, she rubbed up his yard,

And yet for a fuck, why they felt no regard.

Derry down.

But when Mrs. Eve did taste of the fruit,

It was then that her eyes first beheld Adam's root;

Then he ate an apple, and after he had done't,

Why then he first found out the value of cunt.

Derry down.

Then they say they made fig leaves, that's fiddle-de-dee.

He wanted a quim, and quite ready was she;

They gazed on their privates with mutual delight,

And she soon found a hole to put jock out of sight!

Derry down.

Then Adam soon laid Mrs. Eve on the grass,

He pop't in his prick, she heaved up her arse;

He wriggled, she wiggled, they both stuck to one tether

And she tickled his balls, till they both came together!

Derry down.

Since then, all her children are filled with desire,

And the women a stiff-standing prick all require!

And no son of Adam will e'er take affront,

For where is the man that can live without cunt.

Derry down.

THE WANTON LASS.

Air. — "Derry Down."

There was a lass they called bonny Bet,

With a jolly fat arse, and a cunt black as jet;

Her quim had long itched, and she wanted, I vow,

A jolly good fucking, but couldn't tell how.

Derry down.

She thought of a plan that might serve as the same,

That herself she might shag without any shame;

So a carrot she got, with a point rather blunt,

And she ramm'd it and jamm'd it three parts up her cunt.

Derry down.

She liked it so well that she oft used to do it,

Till at length the poor girl had occasion to rue it;

For one day, when amusing herself with this whim,

The carrot it snapped, and part stuck in her quim.

Derry down.

She went almost mad with vexation at this,

Indeed it was time, the poor girl couldn't piss.

The lass was in torture, no rest had poor Bet,

So at last an old doctor she was forced to get.

Derry down.

The doctor he came, and she told him the case,

Then with spectacles on, and a very long face,

He bid her turn up, though she scarcely was able,

And pull up her petticoats over her navel.

Derry down.

Her clouts she held up, round her belly so plump,

And he gave her fat arse such a hell of a thump,

That he made her cry out, tho' he did it so neat,

And away flew the carrot bang into the street.

Derry down.

Now a sweep passing by, he saw it come down,

Picked it up and he ate it, and said with a frown,

By God! it's not right, it's a damned shame, I say,

That people should throw buttered carrots away.

Derry down.

THE MEETING OF THE WATERS.

A Parody on Moore's Melody.

There is not in this wide world a valley so sweet,

As that vale where the thighs of a pretty girl meet:

Oh, the last ray of feeling and life must depart,

Ere the bloom of that valley shall fade from my heart.

Yet it is not that Nature has shed o'er the scene,

The purest of red, the most delicate skin,

'Tis not the sweet smell of the genial hill;

Ah, no! it is something more exquisite still.

'Tis because the last favours of woman are there,

Which make every part of her body more dear.

We feel how the charms of Nature improve,

When we bathe in the spendings of her whom we love.

LOVE.

Nature, ev'rywhere the same,

Imparts to man a lustful flame;

In Russian snow or Indian fire,

All men alike indulge desire,

All alike, feel passion's heat,

All alike, enjoyment greet,

So that wheresoe'er you go,

Still the same voluptuous glow

Throbs through every purple vein,

Thirsts enjoyment to obtain;

'Mongst the dark, or with the fair,

Woman is empress everywhere.

THE PLEASURES OF LOVE.

Pressed in the arms of him I so adored,

The keeper of my charms, my pride, my lord!

By day experiencing each sweet delight,

And meeting endless transports every night.

When on our downy bed we fondly lay,

Heating each other by our am'rous play;

Till Nature, yielding to the luscious game,

Would fierce desire and quenchless lust inflame!

Oh! then we join'd in love's most warm embrace,

And pressed soft kisses on our every grace!

Around my form his pliant limbs entwined,

Love's seat of bliss to him I then resigned!

We pant, we throb, we both convulsive start!

Heavens! then what passions thro' our fibres dart!

We heave, we wriggle, bite, laugh, tremble, sigh!

We taste Elysian bliss — we fondle — die.

THE RIVAL TOASTS.

An English and an American vessel of war being in port together, Captain Balls, of the former, invited the officers of the Yankee frigate to dine in board of his ship, but stipulated, in order to avoid any unpleasantness, that no offensive or personal toasts should be proposed, to which the Americans cheerfully assented. However, after dinner, during dessert, when the conversation happened to turn warmly upon the respective merits of the two nations, a Yankee officer suddenly stood up, and said he wished to propose a toast, which he should take as a personal offense if anyone refused to drink it.

Captain B. mildly expressed a hope that it was nothing offensive, but consented to drink to whatever it might be, with the proviso that, if he thought fit to do so, he should propose another afterwards.