Anonymous - Pearl

Get playing at what they call fathers and mothers;

And I don't like to see, though at me you might scoff,

An old woman trying to toss herself off.

I don't like to see — it's a fact that I utter—

That nasty word — written up on a shutter:

And I don't like to see a man, drunk as an Earl,

Getting into a lamp-post thinking it's a girl.

I don't like to see, 'cause my feelings it shocks,

Two girls busy playing with each other's c—;

Nor I don't like to see, though it may be a whim,

A hole like a pit-mouth in place of a q—.

But I fear I'm encroaching too much on your time,

So I'll put an end to my quizzical rhyme;

Though with my way of taste you'll perhaps not agree,

I've told you the things I don't like to see.

A' THAT AND A' THAT.

Put butter in my Donald's brose,

For weel does Donald fa that;

I love my Donald's tartan hose,

His naked prick, and a' that.

For a' that and a' that,

And twice as mickle as a' that:

The lassie get a skelpit gnat,

But wan the day for a' that.

For Donald swore a solemn oath,

By his first hairy gravat,

That he would fight the battle there,

And fuck the lass and a' that.

Chorus: For a' that and a' that, etc.

His hairy cock, both side and wide,

Hung like a beggar's wallet;

His prick stood like a rolling-pin,

She nicker'd when she saw that.

Chorus: For a' that and a' that, etc.

And then she turned up her cunt,

And she bade Donald claw that;

The devil's dizzen Donald drew,

And Donald gave her a' that.

Chorus: For a' that and a' that, etc.

FACETIAE.

Boss returning from the wars,

Wearied out with wounds and jars,

Tells the tale of blood and strife,

Woe and suffering to his wife;

"Never mind, dear Boss," she said,

"Your tool is safe — let's go to bed."

Through my brain strange musings ran,

Deeply pondering: "What is man?"

Still the question I resolve,

Philosophic doubts to solve:

"What is man? I'll tell you true,

He's but a pizzle's dirty spew!"

LINES FOR VALENTINES.

What a fate this poor girl in her lovers befalls,

A prickless old man, and a youth without balls.

Boast not that you have won a rich wife,

Length of tool, not of purse, makes the comfort of life.

Your prick is so useless for love's pleasant game,

Your nose long and hooky and fuck of such muck,

Go, stick then your nose in the cunt of your dame,

And you'll have at one go both a blow and a fuck.

To his bed he went sleepy and drunk, oh, very!

He wanted to piss, felt about for the jerry,

Took up by mischance a big mousetrap instead,

Which snapped off, alas! his old gentleman's head!

ADVERTISEMENTS.

To Be Sold — A Bargain

A MAIDENHEAD

(Slightly Soiled)

The owner being about to get married is willing to sell the above by auction. Further particulars will be announced in the next number of the pearl.

TO THE LOVERS OF GOOD THINGS.

Messrs. Rogers, Rosencrantz and Co., Importers of Foreign Females, and other Curiosities, beg to announce the arrival of a cargo per steamship Orient, direct from Zululand, of young girls of all ages from 8 to 16 years of age, all genuine virgins which will be offered for selection any time next week. Terms — C.O.D.

N.B. — As this class of goods is extremely perishable buyers must remove their purchases at their own risk.

Orders from the country per post carefully attended to; and the girls sent sealed with our trade-mark over their cunnies, without which we do not guarantee them.

RELIGIOUS.

Rev. Newman Hall will lecture on "The Conduct of Lot and His Daughters," December 20. Illustrated with Dissolving views of the Paternal Pego entering the Daughters' Cunts.

Also January 7: "Solomon in All His Glory," with 700 wives and 300 concubines; being an attempt to elucidate the mystery of how he gave satisfaction to them all.

Rev. J. Spurgeon will Address the Young Woman's Christian Association on the subject of:

CIRCUMCISION.

With practical examples of the advantage of removing the hood or foreskin from the penis.

Admission to women only. No collection.

MY GRANDMOTHER'S TALE;

or MAY'S ACCOUNT OF HER INTRODUCTION TO THE ART OF LOVE.

From an Unsophisticated Manuscript, Found Amongst the Old Lady's Papers After Her Death, Supposed To Have Been Written About A.D. 1797.

susey's letter concluded.

Uncle got up and came to meet me, saying: "Welcome, Susey, I am glad you have come! How blooming you look! You must want your supper after such a long ride."

I threw my arms around his neck and kissing him, said: "Thank you, dear Uncle, for all your great kindness and especially for this lovely silk dress and the pretty garters you gave me."

"Does the dress fit you, my dear?" he asked, placing his hands on my bosom and squeezing it gently.

"Yes, Uncle dear," I said.

We then had supper, and Uncle insisted on my drinking four glasses of the champagne, which I found warmed up my blood as doubtless Uncle intended it should do.

After supper he said: "Susey, if you love me, show me your garters."

"Oh, Uncle!" I replied blushingly, "would that be decent and proper?"

"You are an ungrateful girl to refuse the first trifling request I make," he said.

"Not ungrateful, Uncle," I replied; "see here, please examine my pretty garters," and I stretched out both my legs as I continued sitting in my chair.

Uncle was on his knees between my legs in a moment, and put his hands first on one garter and then on the other, unclasping them and kissing my thighs just above the stockings.

Then he said: "Dear Susey, do you know that your mother was my favourite sister? And that as children we used to sleep together, and were fond of taking off each other's nightdress and of examining the difference in our naked bodies, and making water in the same pot. And now, dear Susey, I want to tell you that your dear mother on her death-bed confided you to my care, and I have paid for your education and maintenance all your life; and now I hope you will love me and be a comfort to me in my declining years."

"Yes, dear Uncle," I said, "you may depend on my doing everything in my power to give you pleasure."

"That's a good girl," said Uncle. "But now you can do something this minute to please me, and that is to show me your cunny!"

I told him he could look at it if he wished. So as I was seated in an easy-chair he lifted one of my legs over an arm of the chair and telling me to hold my clothing and chemise out of the way, he exposed my cunny and bottom-hole to his delighted view, and covered both with kisses, sucking and putting his tongue as far as possible into both places. The end of this, of course, was that I gave down my liquor of love over his tongue and he greedily sucked up every drop, declaring it was most delicious.

After this he pulled out his prick and pretended to me that he had fucked my mother, therefore he had a right to do the same to me!

I laughed at this reasoning and feigning ignorance of his meaning asked him to explain everything.

He then laid me on the sofa before the fire and undressed me and also himself, all the time praising the whiteness of my skin, and then, dearest May, he fucked me, and fancied he was the first that had penetrated my virgin slit, as he fondly called it.

Now I must close this letter, hoping you have had as much pleasure as I have in the way of fucking.

By the way, dear May, why don't you get your father to fuck you? Uncle says you would find it delicious, for he knows your father well and says he remembers that his cock is both long and very thick!