Anonymous - Pearl

I suggested this at once to Justine, who perceived the error made and volunteered to supply the deficiency. She showed herself a capital forager, for she returned speedily, bringing not only several dainties herself, but also accompanied by one of the under-footmen who bore a tray containing a capital supper with a bottle or two of wine.

This, the clever girl asserted, had been ordered by the Countess for her two attendants who were, after their duties were over, to have supper in the anteroom.

By this manoeuvre the Countess obtained the supper she absolutely required, but there was also plenty left over for Justine and myself, when (Her Ladyship having concluded her repast) we sat down to enjoy it in the anteroom.

I mention this little circumstance to show how familiarity was cemented and kept up between the Countess and us two, her special servants. Indeed, she expressed herself warmly on the subject to me for suggesting the idea and to Justine for executing it. There was yet another cause for mutual congratulation and it was this.

What our beloved, but supposed to be invalid, Lady would have done on a wing of chicken, some jelly and the ghost of a glass of wine and water, I cannot tell, and shudder to think of, but I think we all three congratulated ourselves upon the effect produced by such condiments as tongue, potted meats, to say nothing of two or three bottles of good wine.

The colour returned to my Lady's pale cheeks, her languor gave way to vivacity and high spirits, and her eyes sparkled with the combined fire of passion and champagne.

Justine exhibited similar symptoms in a modified degree while I, thanks to my youth, strength and strong constitution, felt as if nothing particular had happened.

I had reason to bless my stars that I had partaken of a good supper, for after a little laughing talk, the Countess dispatched Justine to my room with orders to lock the door and bring her the key, exclaiming: "Now, Ernest, where do you suppose you are to pass the night?"

Under any other circumstances this might have been a puzzling question, but as Her Ladyship asked it, flung herself upon my knee and began kissing and hugging and fondling me in a style more becoming to her passion than her rank as a Countess, her question answered itself or rather her behaviour supplied an answer to it.

Not that I was ungrateful, however, for these proofs of endearment, far from it; on the contrary, I reciprocated them with all my heart and soul and repaid them with interest both physically and mentally. So that when Justine arrived with my bedroom key she was not at all surprised to receive an order to prepare her mistress for bed, to prepare another for herself in the anteroom and to call me at five o'clock in the morning, before any of the household were up. However, as the Earl was absent on a visit to the Duke of Dashwood, and nobody else had claim on my services, there was little fear of my being wanted or of any exposure consequent thereon.

I rather suspect that putting the Countess to bed was a longer business than usual, and I am afraid that Justine found me a nuisance rather than otherwise, for I was so proud of my newly invested privileges and other important offices, which I considered myself entitled to, that I insisted on acting the part of a chambermaid to a somewhat indefensible extent. And the beauty of it (in every sense of the word) was that the Countess rather backed me up in my vagaries than otherwise, until at last Justine lost all patience and vowed that if I did not retire into the anteroom and leave her alone with her mistress for a few minutes, I should go back to my own room as I deserved.

"Now, she's jealous, throw her on the bed, Ernest," ordered the Countess, "and do her over at once. I shall be delighted to see two such handsome persons playing the Adam and Eve game: besides, I've got a little tickler here to increase the fun and add to our enjoyment."

My affair was again in prime condition. So, throwing Justine over the edge of the bed I was into her in a moment. "Ah! ah! oh! Pray don't, my Lady!" I called out almost in a scream, as one, two, three slashing cuts of a heavy birch rod warmed my bottom behind. Justine held me to herself like a vice and I could hear the Countess laugh as she plied the merciless rod, till presently such a beautiful glowing sensation, added to an extraordinary bursting stiffness in my piston-rod, drowned all sense of pain as I shot such a profuse emission into my sweetheart that I almost fainted from excess of emotion.

And here it was my intention to draw the veil, or more correctly speaking, to drop the curtain and to balk the necessity of my friends by giving no further record of the proceedings of that delicious night; but I think in common gratitude to my beautiful Lady Pomeroy I ought to acknowledge that I was in a state of exquisite bliss and I may say without vanity that my lovely companion owned to something very like that enviable state herself.

We were both a little too happy, for when Justine came to call me in the morning I was almost exhausted. And the faithful girl could only rouse me by insisting that her mistress was faint, that I must leave the room while she administered restoratives.

(To be continued.)

THE OLD DILDOE.

Tune—"The Mistletoe Bough."

The beds were all made in the bawdy house fine,

And the whores were rejoicing in gin and wine;

And the old bawd herself, dressed out so gay,

Was making them drunk on Xmas day.

And there was "Peg Watkins" the brothel's delight,

Got lewd on a cove, as was there that night.

And said she to herself: "If I don't have a go,

I'll content myself with the old Dildoe."

Chorus — Oh! the old Dildoe, oh, the old whore's Dildoe.

"Oh! I am weary of lashing," Peg now did cry,

Come upstairs with me Joey, and let's have a shie."

But Joey determined to stick to the gin,

And wouldn't leave his liquor to have put in.

And Peg cursed him and told him to go to hell;

But drunk as a fart, from the chair he fell.

So away she ran with her blood in a glow,

Determined to try the old Dildoe.

Chorus: Oh! the old Dildoe, oh! the old whore's Dildoe.

To the old bawd's bedroom at once she went,

To seize upon the implement.

She looked in the cupboard, she looked in the pot,

She searched high and low but found it not.

She rushed to the couch, she searched the bed,

Underneath the pillow she spied its head.

She seized it and cried: "Full well I know,

Far better than Joe's the old Dildoe."

Chorus — Oh! the old Dildoe, oh, the old whore's Dildoe.

She flew with the treasure into her room

(Its size was the handle of a broom).

Oh! what ecstatic moments she passed there,

As she threw up her legs on the back of a chair.

Through each vein in her body the fire lurked,

Surely and quickly the engine worked;

Face her, back her, stop her no! no!

Faster and faster flew the old Dildoe.

Chorus: Oh! the old Dildoe, oh! the old whore's Dildoe.

Minutes soon passed and the hours flew by,

When there suddenly came a fearful cry,

Which was followed at once by a fearful scream,

Which awoke the whores from their drunken dream.

They all jumped up in a hell of a fright,

In an empty gin-bottle they stuck a light;

And the old whore herself away did go

To look after the safety of the old Dildoe.

Chorus: Oh! the old Dildoe, oh! the old whore's Dildoe.

But the old whore very soon did return

With a look of agony and deep concern;

For her heart was filled with dire remorse,

As she told the whores of her fearful loss;

She questioned them all and implored them to tell,

Where the treasure had gone that she loved so well;