Ethel Gibson: Going down on the farm

David was very depressed. His parents had been killed in an airplane accident. He'd been uprooted from his neighborhood and his school and moved out to his grandparent's farm. There were no neighbors near the Snyder's farm. The nearest house was two miles away and they had no kids his age. The nearest kids his age, outside of his aunts and uncles, lived six miles away. He found that out on the school bus.

His aunts and uncles were his age. His father had been born when his grandmother was seventeen, then his grandparents hadn't had any more kids for a while. There were fertility problems and twenty years passed until their next child was born.

He had five aunts and uncles. His Uncle Ted was seventeen, and his twin aunts, Alice and Joan, were fourteen, a year and a half older than David was. His Uncle John was two months older than he was and his Aunt Susan was a year younger. She had just turned twelve but she was still his aunt.

He wasn't getting along very well. His aunts and uncles acted as if he were an intruder, especially John. He slept in the same bed with John but they hardly said a word to each other. He didn't know anything about living on a farm. They got up early in the morning and had chores to do. He'd never been up that early and had trouble getting awake. He didn't know how to do the chores anyhow. Each time he tried to help he messed it up, like the time he had tried to milk the cow. Every time he tried, one of them would say, "Let me do that, you don't know how," and take the job over. He felt useless.

They didn't treat him mean, most of the time they just ignored him. Ma Snyder would hug and kiss him now and then in an absentminded sort of a way and Pa Snyder would pat his shoulder as he walked by, but grandpa didn't say very much.

He didn't feel that he was wanted like he did when his parents were alive. They always had time to talk to him and find out what he'd been doing in school and after school for that matter. Sometimes he'd been annoyed that they questioned him so closely, now he wished someone cared enough to try to pry into his private life. He missed his parents and even though these people were all family he didn't feel close to them. A lot of the time he felt like crying.

He had to sleep in the same bed with John and that was a problem too. He had been used to some privacy. He'd had a room of his own in the city and he was used to jerking off in bed before he went to sleep at night. He couldn't do it because John would hear. It took him a lot longer to get to sleep now. Even when he went to the bathroom and jerked off into the toilet it didn't help much. There was only one bathroom in the farmhouse and it seemed that someone was always in it. He wasn't used to that either.

He was shy about getting undressed when John was there. He didn't like to let John see him naked but there wasn't much he could do about it. He was curious about John and he did get to see John without any clothes on. It seemed to him that John's penis was about the same size as his, but he couldn't tell for sure because he never saw it hard. John looked at his penis too, and that always embarrassed him.

A month passed and David was more miserable than ever. Nothing improved. Pa Snyder had gone with John to do some chores in the barn and hadn't taken him with them. Up till now his grandfather, at least, had treated him as he had the other children.

He got undressed and got into bed. John came in ten minutes later and did the same. He got into his pajamas and sat on the edge of the bed looking at David. David didn't know what to expect. John usually just ignored him. It was as if he wasn't there at all. He waited to find out what was up now.

"Uh, David, Pa's just been talking to me."

Well at least John had said something.

"Yeh?"

"He said I haven't been treating you very well, uh, and I guess he's right."

David didn't know what was coming now or what to say. John had been so stand offish that he thought he didn't like him at all. He really sounded as if he was sorry he hadn't been talking to David and doing things with him. David just kept quiet and waited to find out what else was coming.

"He said that you didn't know how to do things on a farm because you never had a chance to learn how to do them. That just taking a job away from you wasn't very nice. I should stop and show you how it's done. I know I've told you not to follow me, but from now on will you go around with me when I do my chores. I'll try to teach you how I do them."

A load came off David's shoulders. If John would teach him how to do the chores maybe John would be friends with him and he wouldn't be so lonely.

"Gee, can I? I'd like to do that. I had things I had to do in the city but the girls do most of those jobs here on the farm and I do want to be able to help some."

"Well, I'll try to help now. I want to be friends with you. It's hard trying to ignore someone who sleeps in the same bed with you. I haven't felt good about that but didn't know how to change once I started. Uh – some things I don't do too well either. Ted does them better than me and he's still teaching me. Pa talked to him too, and he's willing to show you how to do those things along with me. He realizes he hasn't been fair either."

David started to cry. John didn't know what to do.

"Uh, what's the matter?"

"I don't know. I just felt so lonely. I miss mom and dad so much and no one here seemed to care. I wanted to be friends but I just didn't know how to do it either. I don't know why I'm crying now. Maybe its because I've wanted to cry for so long and didn't want you to see me do it. I do want to learn to do things, I'm glad you're going to show me how."

David sat next to John on the edge of the bed and John put his arm around David's shoulder and sat close to him. David's sobs waned and he dried his eyes on his pajama sleeve. He looked at John and gave a weak grin.

"Uh, thanks, John. Thanks for going to teach me and thanks for not laughing at me for crying. Uh, and thank you for caring."

He wanted to tell John thanks for holding him right then but that would embarrass him too much. He felt a lot better now. Maybe living on the farm wouldn't be too bad.

The boys got into bed. David felt the best he had since he came here. He was about to fall asleep when John rolled over and faced him.

"Uh, David?"

"Yeh?"

"I really haven't been very nice. I haven't even talked to you very much."

"Yeh, I know. Uh, why haven't you? Do you mind telling me?"

"Well, it's sort of personal. I don't like the idea of having to share my bed. I've always had a bed for myself and I like to sleep alone."

"Gee, I can understand that. I don't like sharing a bed either. You don't have any privacy at all. I always had my own bedroom in the city. I don't like the idea of sharing a bedroom let alone a bed. The only thing is that there aren't any more bedrooms here and there's not room for another bed in here. I'm just in the way."

There was silence for a while but John didn't turn away. David felt that something else coming but had no idea what it was.

"Uh, David?"

"Yeh?"

"You know that privacy thing you just said. I want to ask you something very private. Do you mind?"

David studied that for a while. What was John leading up to?

"I guess not. If we're going to be friends we'll have to tell each other private things."

John hesitated again, looked away, looked back at David, then blurted out his question.

"Uh, don't you ever jerk off?"

Wow! That was private. David looked at John and blushed. John was blushing too. Oh hell, if he was going to be friends he might as well go all the way. He had talked to a couple of his friends in the city about jerking off and they'd traded their limited information. If he was going to be friends with John there was no reason he couldn't do the same with him. He might as well tell John the truth.