Dorsai: Kelly's adventures

Kelly and I had both gone through about half our beer when Mhay showed up again, along with one of the other stewardesses. She introduced us, saying "This is my friend – kaibigan in Tagalog – Cherry". I could feel Kelly start to giggle next to me, and I discretely nudged her to indicate that it wasn't the time for that. She quickly got control of herself, and told Cherry "It's nice to meet you." followed by my own greeting.

Mhay told us "Cherry wants to practice her English – she already speaks Chinese – so she will be helping me."

I could see on Kelly's face that she was surprised that the cute little Cherry already spoke another language, and wanted to practice yet a different one. I assured both of them that we would be happy to help, and thanked them for taking the time to help US.

For the next couple of hours, the two of them coached both Kelly and I in pronunciation and expanding our grammar as we coached Cherry – who took our polite corrections in the good will that they were intended. A few times, Mhay and Cherry both laughed when Kelly or I (or both) badly mispronounced a word, and started to blush at embarrassing us – until Kelly and I laughed along with them, and assured them that we thought it was funny, too. As it sank in that we weren't going to play at being 'Important People', they gradually became even more friendly, and willing to correct our errors.

When they finally had to leave to take care of their other duties, Kelly and I both had a secure grasp on several key phrases, and had passable pronunciation.

When Mhay and Cherry were both out of earshot, Kelly leaned over to tell me "Never before in my life have I heard anyone with the name 'Cherry' -

I nearly laughed when Mhay introduced her!"

"I know – that's why I nudged you" – "Nudge, my foot; I thought you were going to cave in a rib!" Kelly exaggerated – "to let you know not to.

Something else you need to know is that the country we're going to is roughly ninety percent Catholic; it seems like about two girls in three has the first name of 'Maria', so it's pretty common for them to use nicknames. There's no telling what you'll hear somebody called, so try to remember that no matter what it sounds like to you, it's somebody's name, okay?"

That sobered her considerably, and she thought things over for the next several minutes as I finished off the remains of the latest beer Mhay had brought me – my excuse being that I needed to keep my vocal cords well lubricated.

Finally, she spoke up again, telling me "It really is different, isn't it? I really didn't understand what you were telling me about customs and cultures and all of that; at least, not until we got on this name thing. I started thinking about what you said, about people's names; and I suddenly realized that my name could be laughed at, too – like in 'Kelly green'. I know I wouldn't like it much, and that gave me a different perspective; it kind of put me in Cherry's shoes. Now I really do understand that we're going to a different place with different rules. Before, it was still kind of abstract, but now it's real. If she comes back, I think I have to apologize to Cherry."

"I wouldn't do that, if I were you."

"Why not?"

"Because if you apologize, there's a real risk that she wouldn't understand what you're apologizing about – remember, to her, it's a perfectly reasonable name – and you might find yourself trying to explain why you thought you were giving offense. And like I told you, the Philippines is like 90 percent Catholic, and not particularly 'liberal' about such things as sex; the girls there are expected to be virgins right up to the time they're married, so your explanation would likely embarrass the hell out of her, if not outright offend her."

Kelly thought that one over for a bit, and said "I see your point.

Better to just let it go this time, and learn from it."

"That's it. And just so you know, we're probably going to run into people with names that cause just the opposite reaction."

"Such as?"

"Such as we meet a girl – though possibly a boy! – called 'Baby'. She, or he, will likely be the youngest child, and that's what they've been called all their life. Doesn't mean anything to them, particularly, but to us it's a different matter: Baby could be a term of denigration or endearment, and you might find yourself having trouble using it without adding the emotional value we Americans would give it."

I watched as she rolled that one around in her mind for a while before asking "So what do I do, then?"

"What I found works for me is to use my emotions as a kind of alarm system – if something hits me that brings up an emotion, I use that as a way to kind of 'flag' it for intellectual processing, rather than just responding to it immediately. If I have trouble saying or doing something because of the way it makes me feel, I stop a moment to examine why – and deal with it then, rather than let it tie me up in knots. If I can't settle it any other way, I just remind myself that it's their country and their rules, not mine, and go from there."

Kelly nodded her understanding, and got thoughtful again. She stayed that way until a couple hours later, when Mhay and Cherry showed up again. Remembering our previous lessons, she greeted them in Tagalog, and thanked them in it when they told her she was doing very well.

Cherry and Mhay both gave us language lessons a couple more times during our flight to Manila; after Kelly and I had our talk, she was appreciably more intent on the language lessons, and much more willing to ask Cherry or Mhay the why of a certain phrase. She showed more interest in asking them cultural and situational questions – what do I do if…, how should I…, and so on. Being female as Cherry and Mhay were, Kelly thought of things that simply wouldn't have occurred to me and I learned even more about the culture in the process.

We finally made it to Manila, and made it through Customs without any problems. Baggage in tow, we made our way out of the secure part of the airport to the receiving area for our flight. Tired as we were, it still didn't take us long to spot Ms. Ramos.

She seemed to recognize us about the same time, and moved to meet us as we headed toward her. Straight black hair to the middle of her back, a little button of a nose, full lips, dark eyes, and a nicely curved figure, she was a delight to look at with her smooth, clear complexion.

Standing a full 5 feet, 2 inches tall, Kelly and I both towered over her.

"Mr. and Mrs. Marshall? Welcome to the Philippines."

"Mabuhai (Greetings)" I told her, followed by Kelly asking "Kumu sta ka?" (How are you?).

Ms. Ramos got a delighted smile on her face, and answered "Mabuhay!

Mabuti!" ([I'm doing] Fine!).

She looked at both of us for a moment, and then asked "How is it that you know Tagalog?"

I explained to her that I'd been there while serving in the Navy (I saw what she thought of that), and that both of us had asked for – and gotten – language lessons from a couple of the stewardesses on the plane. Through a twist of fate, I saw Mhay and Cherry walking a little distance from us, and pointed them out to Ms. Ramos. About that time, Mhay happened to look in our direction and saw us. She smiled and waved at us, then nudged Cherry, who did the same. I was proud of Kelly when she remembered to extend her arm and let her hand drop to gesture that we'd like them to come over. Both readily changed direction toward us, and in a few moments, they were in an animated conversation with Ms.

Ramos. When they were done, Mhay and Cherry both told us it was nice to see us again, and wished us well. Kelly and I reciprocated, and the two of them headed back the direction they'd been going while Ms. Ramos watched.

When they were out of earshot, Ms. Ramos told us "You pleased – and surprised – both of them very much with your willingness and ability to learn to speak Tagalog. Cherry in particular is grateful for your help in letting her improve her English."