Dorsai - Full Circle

A lot of minutes went by before either one of us was able to make any kind of deliberate move; the first thing I did was to roll off of her so that I wasn't crushing her. When the two of us had finally managed to get our breath and our senses, I heard her whispered "What the hell was that?"

I was barely able to croak out "Damned if I know!"

Kelly considered that for a moment before replying "Well, whatever it was, I don't think I want to do it again any time soon, you know?"

I managed a small laugh before I answered "No, I don't think I do, either.", then a few moments later added "Uh, was it just me, or did something really strange just happen?"

She turned her head to look at me and answered "No, it wasn't just you. It was like I was you and you were me and we were… the same person. That's what you're talking about?"

"Yeah, that's it." I answered, looking into her eyes. I could see that she was as shaken by what had just happened between us as I was. But I could also see that she found it as strangely comforting and reassuring as I did, too.

Hesitantly, she told me "Dan, I always knew that you loved me. I mean, there was never any doubt in my mind, you know? But after… that…"

"I know", I answered, "I loved you, too, and knew you loved me. But now… its like I know our love is there the same way gravity is, or something. Kind of like its a force of nature, or something."

"Yeah, me, too. Two plus two equals four. I love you, you love me. Same thing – its like it just can't be any other way". She was as shocked and awed by what we'd just gone through as I was – and just as clearly, she felt as I did: that our love for each other was so much greater and more powerful than anything else that nothing could have much of an impact on it. Still, it was kind of scary – for both of us.

I reached over and gave her hand a soft squeeze, then continued to hold it as the two of us got our energy and wits back. But while that was happening, I was more aware of her – and somehow knew that she was experiencing the same thing about me.

Finally, though, both of us felt the need to get cleaned up and go to bed, since we still had to get up and go to work the next morning. It wasn't until afterwards that I realized we must have been experiencing a little bit of the Oneness we'd had – without speaking, both of us managed to sit, then stand. Again, without a word between us, I let Kelly head for our bathroom so she could clean up a little while I changed the sheets on our bed before we showered together. After I got into the shower with her, neither one of us had to say anything as we helped each other clean up, as we usually did. Even afterwards, back in bed, I was unusually aware of the feeling of her body next to mine as we spooned in bed – and knew that she was as sensitive to my presence. But the knowing we shared made it okay. I don't think either one of us had any trouble dropping off to sleep.

The following week, Kelly was a little late getting to the office, just as she'd warned me. When she came in, I asked her how it had gone, and she told me that she still needed to think about it a little before she could talk to me. I was surprised, but accepted it since I knew that she would let me know what was going on when she was ready.

It wasn't until later that night, after the kids had gone to be, that I found out what was up.

We were sitting on the couch cuddling when Kelly sat up and moved to sit at the other end from me. I knew the signs, of course, and shut the TV off; Marilyn was in her room studying for school.

"Dan, I'm sorry I had to put you off, but the things the girls wanted to talk to me about this afternoon kind of threw me, a little", she told me. I nodded, and she went on "In a way, it's actually kind of funny", with a small laugh.

"How's that?", I asked.

She gave me a bemused smile and answered "They're having the same kinds of problems that Jan and the rest of us were having when we met you"

Okay, it had been a while, so it took me a few moments to remember. Surprised, I asked "You mean about sex and all that?"

She managed a grin, and answered "Oh, yeah. The changes happening in their bodies, insecurity, guys, sex, the whole thing."

Then, like an idiot, I had to go and ask her "So what was it that you had to think about until now?"

She quickly sobered up and told me "I think we should do it."

Somewhat baffled, I asked "Do what?"

"Teach them. The same way you taught Jan, and me, and the others."

Needless to say, I was a bit thrown by that. My involvement with Jan had happened completely by accident; what had happened with Kelly and the others had been an unintended consequence of what had happened between me and Jan.

Kelly could see the doubt on my face, and quickly started to explain.

"Dan, I know what they're going through. It's the same damn thing that I and Robyn and Susan and Sandra and Candice were all having problems with. We weren't getting any help at home, the school either couldn't or wouldn't do enough because of it being a Catholic school, and we didn't know anybody we could trust to give us answers – never mind actually having someone to ask. If it hadn't been for the information we got from Jan, all of us would have been pretty much up the creek – not to mention all the help that you gave us. Only I think it's even worse for these girls: I don't think they have a Jan to help them. When I saw them, I remembered who they were better; last semester, the five of them sat in a group and asked me some of the best questions of anybody in any of the classes I taught. They're smart, Dan – from the things they asked, there isn't a doubt in my mind that it wouldn't take much to get their heads on straight. But as it stands right now, there's nobody for them to turn to. In fact, that's what they wanted to ask me: if I knew of anyone that would be willing to talk to them, and help them figure things out. I told them I'd check, and get back to them. It was on the way to the office that I realized that what they really need is the kind of help you gave us. Jan says that she's willing to help us, if we want – she knows they need help, too."

I could only laugh quietly to myself – the last time Jan and Kelly had decided that someone needed help, I'd deflowered four of their friends and ended up with my own small 'harem' of teenage girls. Even now, it was a rare week that one of them didn't stop by for a little fun and frolic with me, Kelly, or both.

"Five of them, you said?", I asked. Kelly nodded, and I went on "Dearest, you know what kind of chances I took before – and what could have happened if any of you had decided you didn't like what I was doing. And that was with all of you being friends, and having Jan vouch for you! Why would I want to take that risk again? Or an even greater chance, since none of us really knows what's going in their heads? What happens to us if they suddenly decide that they not only don't like, but actually object to, what we have to teach them? What about our kids? And Jan? The lot of us could easily find ourselves the subjects of some pretty nasty legal action. How about that?"

"Dan, that's just exactly what I've been thinking about. But it isn't an all-or-nothing deal, is it? I mean, even if all we do is talk to them, it'll have some positive impact, won't it? I think if we just start out talking to them, and getting to understand them, then we'll know how much of a risk it would be to take it all the way to the end."

From what she said, and how she said it, I suspected that she already had an idea of what she wanted to do, so I asked her "What is it you've got in mind?"

She got a little bit of a guilty look on her face, and answered "I'd like to invite them over here one Saturday, so we – you and I – can talk to them. That way, we can get an idea of what it is that they're thinking, and what they want, and all that. Then we'll know better whether or not there's anything we can – or should – do about them; and maybe how much. When we had the sleep over here, and after you and Sandra had made love and she finally understood about everything, you told her that she should try to help other people understand, instead of trying to pay you back for what you'd done. Dan, have you decided not to help people any more? Should Jan and the rest stop? What are you and I doing at that school, if not trying to help these kids? Am I supposed to think that we only help all of them a little bit, and let the special ones to fend for themselves? Or are we going to help the special ones because they are special?"