Rupert Mountjoy - The Intimate Memoirs of an Edwardian Dandy, vol.I

'Campbell, you tongue pussey beautifully and though I have yet to experience it, I cannot believe that your cock could be a very much more powerful organ. I adored the way you began with a light flicking motion on my clitty and then how you switched to cover the length of my crack from the clitty to the arse-hole. Oh darling, I so want you to make love to me!' He looked down and I saw that his once-turgid cock had now stiffened up into an enormous erection that poked up between his thighs like a flagpole. 'I would give anything to fuck you, Barbara, my sweet, and I fear that if we continue to carry on this way, this will happen as surely as night follows the day.'

'Then let us do it! I am tired of the stealthy hidden kisses, the furtive fondlings and clandestine meetings,' she declared, holding his throbbing tool and pressing it to the cleft between her gorgeous breasts. And who knows, perhaps Barbara would have lost her virginity then and there if the sound of the pony and trap had not been heard in the distance. They hastily broke away from each other and dressed themselves in record time so that all was seemly by the time Fred Nolan stepped down from the driving board and said cheerfully: 'Hello there, you two! The sun has gone behind the clouds so until it reappears we thought we would come back and keep you company.'

Campbell smiled weakly and I am sure that Barbara would have been lost for words but I saved the situation by giving a loud yawn and saying: 'Ah, what a difference forty winks can make. My headache has totally vanished and I'm quite fit again. What shall we do now?'

'Alas, I must be off as I promised to chair a meeting in the village hall this afternoon,' said Campbell. 'Actually, it's of the local Sports Club. Er, I don't suppose you would care to join us, Mr.

Nolan. Yours is such a fascinating profession that I am sure the members would be greatly interested in anything you had to day.'

'Members are usually more interested in which pussies they can slide into,' muttered Frank quietly as Fred Nolan shook his head.

Thank you for the invitation but I must be getting back and start developing my film which will keep me busy for some time. Katie, boys, would you like to stay here or go back to Albion Towers with me? 'Oh do stay,' begged Barbara. These meetings can be tedious but they don't last too long and then if you have time we can go back to my house for tea and crumpets. I can always arrange for Connor to take you back in one of our carriages.' No doubt because Mr. Nolan would be busy in the darkroom, Katie promptly accepted her invitation but Frank decided to go back home with Fred Nolan as he genuinely did feel the beginnings of a headache coming upon him (in later life poor Frank-or Sir Frank Folkestone to give my oldest friend his proper present-day nomenclature, for he inherited the family baronetcy in April 1912 when his father perished at sea, being a passenger on the ill-fated Titanic-has suffered badly from severe migraines, the pains of which can only be mitigated by lying down in a darkened room and when possible, having his prick sucked by a willing naked maidservant though I doubt whether his physician prescribed this latter treatment!). 'What a shame! After we have concluded the few items of business our little gathering is to be addressed by the hypnotist Dr Glanville Porterfield and it could prove to be a very interesting affair as he will offer to hypnotise members of the audience,' she said with regret. 'Oh, I'd like to come and see Dr Porterfield in action, if I may,' I piped up. 'Certainly, Rupert, do join us,' said Campbell and so I asked Frank to instruct Goldhill to send Wallace our coachman back with the pony and trap to Farnham Village Hall at five o'clock sharp. 'Katie, Wallace can take you back to Harbottle Hall,' I added. So we made our way to Farnham Village Hall where fifty or so ladies and gentlemen of the local gentry were gathered. The main business of the meeting was to thank those ladies and gentlemen who had taken part in the croquet, cricket and lawn tennis matches played by Farnham against other localities. Most of these matters were only of minimal interest but I will record the words of one Mr. Anthony Cheetham, the captain of Farnham cricket team, which so far that season had vanquished all before them, winning eight matches and drawing one, and that only because rain stopped play when Farnham were poised for victory. He asked that despite past successes all members of the side should keep their noses to the grindstone. Mr. Cheetham's wise advice was reproduced later in the week by our county newspaper and, being a keen cricketer myself, I reproduce them here-American readers of my journal may well consider that they apply equally to baseball, a sport which I also enjoy in the summer months. He said: It is related of the Hon. Peter Forbes-Hornby, one of the best-known old Yorkshire gentlemen sportsmen, that whenever he had an unoccupied half hour, he used to set up a stump and bowl at it. It is to be wished that there was more of this commendable practice. Bowling is much more of dogged perseverance than of initial skill and many more players would stand a chance of distinguishing themselves by their bowling than by their batting,' Mr. Forbes-Hornby also said: 'A good cricketer will always keep a ball perpetually about him; to be always tossing it and throwing it so as to get thoroughly used to the feel of it.' Perhaps this is how Mr. Forbes-Hornby achieved his sensational throw of more than one hundred and twenty yards with the cricket ball which was witnessed and attested to by Mr.

Cheetham though it was impossible to ascertain the distance with absolute accuracy for the ball struck the trunk of a tree some four feet from the ground. Once all these affairs had been completed, we settled down to listen to Dr Porterfield's address. He began by explaining just what hypnotism is-an artificially induced state of semi-consciousness characterised by a greatly increased susceptability to suggestions made by the hypnotist. “There is nothing supernatural involved despite the warnings of some ignorant and irresponsible journalists in the popular press,' said Dr Porterfield, a plump, distinguished-looking gentleman who, though almost as bald as a coot, nevertheless sported a full black beard. 'Although the science of hypnotism probably dates back to ancient times, it was the Austrian physician Friedrich Mesmer who first used hypnosis in a medical capacity, proving that by imposing his will upon that of his subject, he could treat his patients and at the same time spare them much pain.

'On the music hall stage, there are hypnotists who put members of the audience in a trance and make them perform strange acts. Frankly, this concerns me as I believe that hypnotism is a serious business and should not be popularised purely for the purposes of amusement.'

His speech was interrupted by a snort of disapproval from a lady sitting in the back row. The Reverend Armstrong, acting as Chairman, frowned and cleared his throat as he stood up, presumably to ask for order, but Dr Porterfield waved his hand. 'No, my dear sir, I think it obvious that the lady at the back has a point to make. Madam, would you like to say something?' The lady concerned rose to her feet.

She was a not unattractive woman in her early thirties, with a haughty expression on her rather sharp features. That's Mrs. Robinson. She's a real martinet of the same ilk as my Papa,' whispered Barbara to us.

'I don't believe a word of all this mumbo-jumbo,' said Mrs.

Robinson firmly. 'I'd like to see somebody try and hypnotise me!'

'Well, rest assured, Madam, it is extremely difficult for even the most expert practitioner to hypnotise somebody against their will,' said Dr Porterfield. 'Stuff and nonsense! That's just an excuse-I've seen a so-called hypnotist at work at a house-party and he pretended to make a gentleman believe he was a duck and go quacking all round the room. He made a lady say “Please do not touch my nose” to another lady five minutes to the second after she came out of her trance and performed other parlour tricks.' Dr Porterfield spread out his hands. These may have been parlour tricks, but I assure you that if the hypnotist was genuine then these tricks, as you term them, were genuine enough and had not been planned beforehand by those concerned.' 'I find that hard to accept and would need further proof,' she said, shaking her head in disbelief. Then come up to the front and I will hypnotise you here and now,' said Dr Porterfield.