Dorsai - A good neighbor

She shook her head reluctantly, and I continued "So everything was happening on the outside -

which means that both of them are probably still virgins. Surely, you don't think that's bad?"

Andrea grudgingly said that she didn't, and I told her "Maybe they're barely teenagers, but it sure sounds like they're old enough to know what sex is; at least, enough to know what feels good to them, so that doesn't matter… at least, not at this point. I think you know that they love each other — as sisters — so you can probably figure that they aren't going to do anything to actually hurt each other. From what you've said, that was the only time you've seen them, so you don't know if that was the first time for them — which I doubt — or not; if not, you have no idea how many times, or how long they've been doing that stuff."

Andrea admitted that she didn't, and listened to me ask "You and me and Bill never really talked about this kind of stuff, and I obviously don't have the faintest idea of what your lives were like together. So what is it, really , that bothers you about them?"

Andrea sat there in silence for several seconds before hesitantly telling me "My own folks were pretty strict and conservative about… physical matters. When my mom told me about becoming a woman, she actually used the term 'wifely duties' instead of saying the word 'sex'. Growing up, both of them made it pretty clear to me that sex was only between men and women, and meant to be for making babies. It wasn't until after I got out of high school and moved away from home that I started learning that there were… other things that could happen. Not just between a boy and girl, but between girls, and… and even boys. I mean, I'd heard about homosexuals, and I kinda knew that they were guys that didn't like girls, but nothing more than that — at least, not until I got to college. Then when I started finding out the things that I didn't know before… well, it really threw me. A lot . Bill… Bill wanted me to do different things with him, sometimes, but after the way I grew up, I just couldn't; I think that's part of the reason that he was willing to be with that other woman. So when I saw the girls, and what they were doing, the first thing that I thought was that there was something wrong with ME, for me to have two daughters that would do things like that with each other. Since Bill left, I've tried to be understanding and all that with them, but there's still too much of how I grew up inside me for me to really make it work. That's why I told you that I'd be okay with YOU talking to them about it — I was hoping that if they went to you, then I wouldn't have to do it. But if you don't know anything about them being together, then… then I guess I'm going to have to talk to them, anyway."

She was nearly in tears by the end, and I could tell that it hadn't be easy for her to tell it to me.

Still ignoring the bit about whether or not I'd known about the girls, I asked her "Andrea, if you're still uncomfortable talking about stuff like that, what are you going to talk to them about ?

And more importantly, what are you going to say? Are you happy with the things that you were taught?"

Sniffling, she answered "No."

"Then why would you hurt your daughters by dumping all that garbage on them? Don't you think you'd be doing more for them by just giving them the facts , and telling them about other viewpoints, and helping them learn to make their own decisions? If you love them, why would you judge them so harshly for just being who they are — two intelligent, loving, pretty girls? All it sounds like they're doing is comforting each other, and making each other feel good and happy

— is that really so wrong? Can you honestly think that your own daughters that you gave birth to, and raised, and love, could be that bad?"

The tears were in full force when Andrea plaintively demanded "But what else can I do? I don't know anything else!"

Taking her hands in mine, I told her "Listen to me, Andrea. They aren't my daughters, but after watching them grow up, it almost feels like they are, sometimes. I know you don't know any better! But if you'll let me, I can help you figure this out. I'm probably as tolerant as it sounds like your folks were conservative — you don't have to tell the girls that you approve of what they're doing; I doubt that you could, anyway. But if you'll let me help you, I'll bet you can get rid of enough of the stuff you're still carrying around from your parents that you can at least be able to tell them that you know, and that you still love them anyway. I've been here to help before, so let me help with this, too; you said that you hoped they'd come over to me with their questions so you didn't have to deal with it, so tell THEM that it's okay, too. I'll probably end up making them more open about this stuff than you are, and more willing to talk and all that — but don't you think that's better than having them all tied up in knots about it like you are?"

She considered what I'd said for a couple of minutes before asking "You… you'd do that? Help me that way, with MY problems? And even talk to them, and help them understand why it's you talking to them instead of me, without making me sound like some kind of crazy person?"

"Well, I can't guarantee how it'll turn out, but I'm willing to try .", I assured her. "Don't you think that's better than the alternative?"

The waterworks had mostly dried up, but she was still sniffling as she told me "I think they'd be a LOT better off learning even a little bit of what you think and know, than they would getting everything from me. Bill wasn't dumb, by a long shot, but even he thought it was good to listen to the things you had to say."

I got her to look into my face as I cautioned her "I told you, Andrea, there aren't any guarantees.

There's no telling where this will go, what will happen along the way, or how it'll turn out. I can only promise you three things — that I'll never lie to them, that I'll never try to trick them, and that I'll never hurt them. Beyond that…"

She continued to look into my face for several seconds before telling me "Okay, I'll accept that.

You've made me those three promises, and as long as you keep them, I'm willing for Em and Gail to come over to you for the things that I know I shouldn't be talking to them about. As messed up as I know I am about sex and all that, I'm not going to bother you about what you talk to them about or what they learn from you. Unless they come home crying or upset, I'm going to figure that they're okay with you and not come looking for them or worrying about them. I know that leaves you — and them! — a pretty big opening, but I'm going to take your promises at face value. And so that nobody gets put into the position of having to lie or cause any hurt feelings, I'm only going to ask questions if I see that one of them is bothered about something, and only enough to help if I can."

Even though she didn't come out and say it, I knew that if I did anything to actually abuse either of the girls, she'd have my scrotum for a coin purse — and I wouldn't have blamed her in the slightest. Still looking into her eyes, I said "I can live with that.", answering both what she'd said, and what she hadn't.

That was all she needed to hear on the subject of the girls, and a couple of minutes passed before she started telling me how things were going at work for her. In return, I told her how I was doing, and the two of us sat there and chatted for over an hour. When I asked, she said that she still had to go in to work the next day, so I excused myself and went home after we'd agreed to get together the next evening to work out how to deal with her immediate problem with the girls.