George Herbert - A night in a Moorish harem

During his absence I paid assiduous attention to Alice, hoping to engage her in an intrigue. She was a lively little thing, but her life was all for Charlie, with whom I could see she was yet deeply in love. I became enamoured of her artless beauty. I longed to possess her, if only for one embrace. Her indifference only made me long for her more madly. All the week I went to bed with a stiff and hot shaft, close to the little beauty but unknown to her.

Saturday night brought Charlie, all radiant with the promise I had overheard Alice make him the week before. I sat in my room reading when at early bedtime they came to their room. The kisses they exchanged when the door was shut were very aggravating to me. My shaft became perfectly rigid. Just at this moment there came a call for Charlie to go to a neighbouring hamlet to set a broken limb; with a muttered curse he reluctantly obeyed the call.

I knew it would take him three hours at least. I listened to Alice undressing; then I heard the tinkle of a little stream of water in crockery; then she put out the light and went to bed. Night after night the little bride had gone to sleep unconscious that she was near me, and now was once more asleep as I could hear from her regular breathing — but tonight her door was unlocked, waiting for Charlie.

Would it be possible for me to impersonate him? The risk would be a terrible one, but the rigidity of my shaft put an end to reason and conscience. If I could fill those graceful little loins of hers the world might come to an end for all I cared.

I stole softly in my shirt and drawers out into the corridor and into Alice's room. I crept carefully into bed with her and took her in my arms. I caressed her cunning round bosoms and felt her plump and polished thighs. They were much larger than I had imagined they were seeing her dressed. She had a few little curls between them, which I was daintily fingering when she woke up.

'So you have come, Charlie,' she said.

For reply I fastened my mouth to hers and we continued uninterruptedly to exchange kisses. She was honestly ready to give Charlie what she had promised him. She opened her legs for the expected charge and I did not disappoint her. My crest entered the delicious tightness.

'What a great clumsy condom you have on,' she said. From this I inferred that my naked shaft was much bigger than Charlie's with condom on.

I gave a plunge that drove my crest far in among the quivering membranes, far up in her loins. I was in rapture. The burning moments repaid me for my longing — and for any possible retribution to come. She enjoyed it as much as I did, judging from the increased ardour of knees and the motion of her thighs. I gave another plunge so deep that my shaft seemed to disturb her slender waist and my crest to upheave her bosom.

'Oh, Charlie,' she said, with a dying sigh. Another plunge and the sheath of the young bride was flooded with mingled gushes.

A moment of perfect stillness followed. To me it was a moment of ineffable satisfaction and perfect bliss. Then she suddenly scrambled from beneath me. 'The condom must have burst!' she said, hastily pouring water into the basin and washing herself.

Pretty soon she came back to bed and nestled in my arms. I pretended to be overcome with drowsiness and languor and answered two or three of her questions with an inarticulate, 'Eh?'

The completeness with which she had melted was soon evident from the deep sleep of exhaustion into which she sank. Then I stole silently from her bed back into my own, but did not go to sleep. I awaited anxiously Charlie's return.

In due time he came. While he was undressing, Alice awoke. I heard her ask him drowsily, 'Why did you go out?' meaning why had he got up and gone out, after he had returned to bed with her.

'I had to go out,' he replied, meaning he had had to go and attend a professional call. She must have thought he had a necessary occasion to go into the yard.

I heard her yawn and turn over as he got into bed with her and then the more significant sound of the creaking of the bed which made me more jealous. This was followed by Charlie's deep sigh; then all was still save the regular breathing of the two sleepers.

It made me happy to think Alice had not joined in the sighing. I believe this gave me more pleasure than my successful escape from discovery. The next morning at breakfast Alice looked me right in the eye with her large, innocent eyes, perfectly unconscious that but a few hours before she had rapturously melted in my arms.

'What a shame!' said Inez.

'There was no harm done after all,' said Anna.

'Well, then,' said I, 'listen to another story. Perhaps this will please you all.'

During one of my stays in port, my uncle, who was a member of the ministry, needed a confidential messenger to one of the German courts. I accepted the mission with pleasure. The business took me but a few days, during which I mingled in the festivities of the court. The sovereign was very gracious to me; his spouse I did not see, though it was said she was in the gallery of the dining hall during one of the state dinners at which I was present.

It was known to all when I was to return and on the evening before I started I had declined several invitations that I might get ready to go. Just at nightfall I received the following singular note:

A lady sends her compliments to Lord George Herbert and begs that he will call at No. 300, — Street.

I hesitated what to do all the time I was enjoying my after-dinner cigar, but I finally put a pistol in my pocket and proceeded to the place named. It was a neat house in a respectable street. I was received at the door by a nice elderly lady and ushered into a well but plainly furnished room. She thanked me for being so kind as to come.

'I have received you at the door myself,' she said, 'because I thought best to have my servant away. It is a strange request I have to make of you, but your reputation for gallantry is known to me. May I rely on your honour to keep it secret, whether you grant it or not?'

I assured her she might.

'My foster daughter, whom I dearly love,' she said, 'is married, but the union has not been blest with children. Her husband is very desirous of having an heir. He blames her very unjustly and is making her life wretched, for she loves him. She can endure his reproaches no longer. I have known it was not her fault and I have advised her to do what is necessary to get an heir. Now, my lord, have I advised her rightly?'

'Perhaps so,' said I, 'but what have I got to do with it? I am about to leave this city tomorrow, probably never to see it again.'

'That is the very reason,' she said, 'that I have invited you to come here to meet her. She has seen you and wishes that heir to inherit your noble blood and handsome person and, this once accomplished, never to see or be seen by its sire — for the desire for an heir and not wantonness has influenced her. Do you consent?'

'I must see the lady,' I replied.

'She would die of mortification if you should see her and reject her,' said the old lady, 'but there is no fear of that. If you are pleased with her, go up and kiss her hand when I present you.' She then conducted me upstairs and opened the chamber door.

A lady was standing in the centre of the room looking timidly at me as I entered. As soon as I saw the lady I loosened my grasp on the pistol which I had in my pocket. All fear of treachery vanished from my mind and another sentiment immediately took its place. I approached her and kissed her hand. The old lady shut the door and retired.

I was alone with a woman not in fact beautiful, but very interesting. Her figure was fine and her features, though irregular, were pleasing. Her look fell to the carpet; the ensign of modesty warmed on her cheeks, receded and paled, then showed again more rosy than before. Her hand trembled in mine. Her attire made no accession to her appearance. She was dressed in plain muslin without an ornament and her hair was plainly brushed; but there was that in her air which convinced me that she was a lady, and that too in an embarrassing position.