Jessie - Confessionsof an English Maid

"I guess he does now, all right." "All right, kid. If you step fast maybe you can be out of here before the doorbell starts ringing, and maybe you can't. There's no hard feelings, but you know how it is, I can't afford to have any of my girls mixed up in anything like this."

"I understand. I don't blame you," I answered dully, and got out of bed to dress.

"I'll have your money ready for you as soon as you're dressed and we'll slip you out the back way… just in case. I'll give you some address where you can get on easy if you want to get a new place, but use a different name and don't mention having worked here. If you do, there's a good chance you'll be picked up. The police are going to find out all they can about this affair, and if they get you, there's no telling what you'll have to go through."

Hester went with me to carry some of my things and to help find a room where I would be safe from annoyance. We found one which appeared to be suitable, and though the landlady looked askance when she heard I was to occupy it alone, her misgivings were calmed by the sight of sufficient money to pay a month's rent in advance, and my assurance that I would be receiving no "visitors" other than Hester.

The room was cozy and comfortable, but after Hester had gone, such a feeling of loneliness and wretchedness welled up in my heart that I threw myself on the little bed and had a long cry.

The next afternoon Hester returned to tell me excitedly that within less than fifteen minutes after our departure the police, who had extracted the address from Monty's chauffeur just as Madame Lafronde had anticipated, were there looking for me, and in addition two barristers had called repeatedly in a vain effort to see me. I shuddered and from then on the little room seemed more like a haven of refuge than a lonely exile, for I entertained a profound horror of police and jails, the long months of deadly monotony in the reform school never having been forgotten.

"They found that girl Carlota, too. She used to be a dancer in a music hall. And who do you suppose your mysterious friend Zippy turned out to be?"

"I don't know," I answered. "Who?"

"No less a personage than that polo-playing Lord Beaverbrook! I've seen his picture in the papers lots of times. I think the whole thing will be hushed up soon. They know it was an accident and that nobody was much to blame but Austin himself."

True to Hester's prediction, references to the scandal disappeared quickly from the press and no great efforts were made to locate the missing witness. For a time I entertained the hope that Madame Lafronde would relent and call me back. But the hope was dissipated when Hester sadly informed me that it was futile. She herself had tried to pave the way for my return only to be told by Madame Lafronde that though she liked me, I was a "firebrand" and in the best interests of the business its door must remain closed to me.

Hester came faithfully to visit me for an hour or two every afternoon.

"Did the papers ever hint what Austin and his wife were quarrelling about?" I asked her.

"Yes; she objected to his having you and those other people drinking and carousing in the house. Wasn't that it?"

"Partly, but there was something else… something lots worse than that."

"What was it, Jessie?"

"He had her half-stripped. He was going to fuck her right there in front of all of us."

"Oh, Jessie! What did I tell you about that man? Why wouldn't you listen to me?"

She was on the point of tears again and I hastily endeavoured to turn the conversation into a lighter vein.

"Don't worry so about me, you sweet old thing! I'll listen to your advice in the future. But it's fierce to be here all alone. Maybe I'll pay you to come and sleep with me some night, I've got lots of money. I'll telephone Lafronde and disguise my voice and ask for a girl, and you can volunteer."

"No! I won't sleep with you, you perverted little woman-fucker!"

"Not even if I pay you?"

"No! Not even if you pay me!"

"That's nice! You'd go to a hotel with some woman you don't even know and do things with her, but you won't sleep with me!"

"Jessie, how can you even think of such things after what's happened?"

"Let's get undressed and lie down for a little while. You haven't anything to do this afternoon."

"Are you in your right senses?"

"Listen; if you'll stay, I'll do it like Heloise did… only nicer!"

"Oh! You're one of those, too, are you? Well, thanks, I don't want any today. When I do, I'll let you know. How much do you charge?"

"I'll bet I could make it last you a whole hour!"

"No!"

"Please, darling, sweet Hester! Think of me, locked up here alone in this room by myself day after day!"

"No! And if I did, you'd be sure to leave the door unfastened so anyone could open it and walk right in!"

"Look!" I exclaimed, and jumping up I twisted the key in the lock and held it up before her. "I'll even hang up a towel over the keyhole so nobody can peek at us!"

"Well, come on, then! I just want to see if you're really capable of doing that, too!"

I had paid a month's rent, but by the time two weeks had passed I found the loneliness and inactivity intolerable. Hester had brought a list with several addresses which Madame Lafronde had prepared, and feeling now that there was little likelihood of being bothered by the police, I set out one afternoon to see if I could find a place.

With one swift glance of appraisal the madam of the first house on the list invited me to a room, had me undress for a survey of my physical assets, and immediately began to ply me with flattering and enticing inducements to join her menage. I was rather taken aback by such unexpected eagerness and the assurance of profitable earnings, but anxious to settle the matter of immediate occupation I accepted her offer without delving into promises which seemed somewhat exaggerated.

The bargain was struck. I was shown the room which would be at my disposition and introduced to several of the young ladies who would be my future companions. They were a slightly faded lot, considerably below Madame Lafronde's standards, and the depressing thought came over me that my entry into this second-rate bagnio signalled another step downward towards the abyss. But I shrugged the thought aside; I could always leave if I didn't like, it, and told the woman I would bring my effects in the morning.

Before opening the door for me to leave, she detained me a moment in the hall.

"Listen dearie," she murmured in low, wheedling tones, "I forgot to mention… I don't suppose it will make any difference… but I've got a special class of trade here… this isn't a French house exactly, but you know how it is… most of my best paying regulars like it a little out of the ordinary… you understand. All the other girls here do it You won't mind that, will you dearie?"

Ah! As I digested this bizarre announcement, which fully explained the cajolements and flattery and alluring promises, the woman watched my face anxiously, as though to read therein some sign which would tell her whether the bird was going to fly off affrighted or remain in the trap.

For a long moment I stood pensively silent. I knew from the dejected aspect of the place, the sallow-faced girls, the tarnished furniture, that the type of men who frequented it would be far, far different from those I was accustomed to dealing with. Up to the present, my cocksucking inclinations had been exercised voluntarily, to satisfy my own sexual cravings. Here, I would be obliged to do it, whether I felt so inclined or not. I hesitated uncertainly, and then, with a gesture of indifference, replied:

"I'll give them what they want."

And thus, with six short words, did I seal my pact with hell, and bind myself henceforward to madden the brains of men and corrode their souls with the bittersweet poison of my sucking lips.