Alexander Trocchi - Thongs

He spoke at once when he knew I was awake.

"You are no longer a virgin."

"No."

"You are simply a prostitute."

"Yes."

"A sailor's whore."

"Yes."

"A cunt!"

"Yes."

"And what do you expect me to do now?"

"Send me back to the brothel," I said in a tired voice. "I was happy there."

"You were happy. Have you forgotten Pain?"

"No. I didn't intend it to happen. First I was raped. I liked it. Then it didn't matter. What else could I do?"

"You should have come back at once before you were seen by Prince B."

"What difference does it make?"

"It makes a great deal of difference."

I shook my head without comprehension.

"Do you not understand," he said, leaning forward and speaking in an intense voice, "that I will allow nothing, nothing, to stand in the way of your crucifixion?"

I shook my head hopelessly.

"I am no longer a virgin, Miguel."

"But if only you and I knew it? That is why Prince B. should never have known!"

"Does it make no difference to you?"

"Not a whit!"

"But why? How could I become the Virgin Death?"

"I told you once, my dear, that you were too pure for us, the worldly people. I am interested in the Order in the world. Last night, in secret conclave, I was elected. I became Pain. Nothing now stands in the way of the crucifixion. Nothing, that is, except your stupidity."

"We waited too long, Miguel. You should have crucified me years ago."

"That was not possible before I became Pain."

"Why not? Are you the only one in the Order who wishes a Virgin Death?"

"Not at all, my dear. But from the beginning I decided that I, and I alone, would drink of it. And it is the privilege of Pain, of no other."

"And that's why you kept me waiting?" I smiled at him. "I would have liked you to be the one to drink, Miguel." I closed my eyes. "So I was right. The Order is corrupt from top to bottom."

"Corrupt? What is that? Everything is relative, my beloved Carmen, except death. Death alone is absolute and that is why you, the purest of us, lust after it."

"Someone else said that — that everything was relative. Do you remember Harry Prentice?"

"The man was no diplomat. He lost you."

"And you are, and you didn't?"

"That is correct. But for this one slip, this foolishness of letting Prince B. know that you had become a sailor's whore, everything would have been straightforward."

"What about the sailors, the dwarf, the other whores? They saw me fucked, too."

"They are not important. They had no idea who you were. For them you were simply an amusing lady who had become a nymphomaniac. It is Carmencita de las Lunas who matters, and everyone knows that she has never known a man. Why do you think you are the most famous courtesan in Madrid? Simply because you are unobtainable."

"Prince B. knows."

"Yes, Prince B., knows, but of course he has told no one, not even his closest acquaintances. You, he, and I possess the secret. You will die without revealing it on the cross. I will be Pain magnified by the last passion of the Virgin. As for B., I first thought of killing him. I am very sorry I did not aim to kill in the duel. But at the time there was no necessity for it. It was a stupid affair of honor. But to murder him or even to challenge him to a second duel would be dangerous. He is an important man, and in a duel he might well betray our secret in his last words. I could not be sure of killing him outright at twenty paces. And anyway, we have both been warned. Dueling is not popular with the Court. No, that is why I have evolved a better idea…"

"What is that?"

"We have a great advantage. B. is madly in love with you. Thus he is capable of being bribed."

"How!"

"With you, little Carmen."

He got up and stood by the fireplace in his usual posture. He looked across at me, his eyes flickering.

"I intend to make Prince B. a proposal," he said. "I will offer him you as a doting mistress, to do with as he will, until the light of the full moon in February, at which time he must surrender you to me and to your sacrifice. In return for those idyllic weeks, I will pledge him to eternal silence. He will agree because he loves you and is very near to suicide, and he will keep his word as a gentleman. So you see, little Carmen, all is not lost!"

Two days later, in the early afternoon, Miguel returned.

"He is coming at four. This estate will be the place of your honeymoon. On no account must you leave it. You will be for him what he wishes you to be, gentle as a dove, vicious as a reptile, sensual as a geisha. You will obey him in everything within the boundaries of the estate until seven p.m. on the night of the full moon. I shall come personally to fetch you."

He looked at his watch.

"It is two o'clock," he said. "In a few minutes a number of gentlemen are coming in to see you. For them you are Carmencita, the Virgin. You must not speak of the prince, nor of your experience in the brothel."

I nodded.

I was dressed in scarlet silk which flowed to the floor like fiery liquid below my naked breasts. My nipples as usual were tinted black and my eyes elongated in a slant with mascara.

You are very beautiful, Carmencita!"

He rang a bell and waited by the fireplace. I lay at length on a lemon colored divan.

A moment later there was a discreet knock on the door.

"Come in!"

Five gentlemen of varying ages entered the room. They bowed solemnly first to Miguel and then turned towards me. I rose off my divan to meet them. In turn, bowing low, they kissed my hand. They were all between forty and sixty and I could see they all found it difficult to keep their eyes off my breasts.

"Well, gentlemen?" Miguel said from the fireplace. "I think no one can accuse me of exaggerating, eh?"

The gentlemen nodded gravely. The eldest of them, a man with white hair and a small Van Dyck beard said: "May I question our Lady?"

Miguel nodded.

"Of course, gentlemen. She is at your disposal."

"Are you a virgin?" the man with the white beard asked.

"Yes," I said, and as I spoke, it occurred to me that I could have chosen not to and in choosing to say it, I had signed my death-warrant.

"You are certain you have never been penetrated in the normal way by a male penis?"

"I am certain, sir."

"And you know what our Order plans for you?"

"I know."

"And you accept?"

"I demand!" I replied. I noticed a fleeting smile on Miguel's face.

The old gentleman was slightly put out. He hummed and hawed. But finally he said he had no more questions.

"And you, gentlemen?" said Miguel to the others.

"No questions," the others said.

"Very well," Miguel said. "It is my intention now that she should remain here on this estate until the night. She will not be allowed to leave and she will practice meditation in preparation for her great trial. During this time she will not be disturbed by us. I myself shall pay her a weekly visit, simply to see that she has all she requires. And now gentlemen, you may bestow the kiss."

He turned to me, pointing towards my thighs, "Carmen, if you please."

I guessed at once what was wanted. I opened the dress at the front to expose my cunt, tossed my head so that my long black hair fell on to my naked shoulders. One by one the gentlemen went on their knees in front of me and applied their lips to my hot sex. The occasion seemed to be solemn, so I didn't move. Each, as he rose to his feet, bowed and stepped aside. When they had all delivered their kiss, they turned at once and left.

When they were gone, Miguel spoke.

"Now I myself will take my leave. I will not pay you a weekly visit. I will not see you again until I come to fetch you for your last passion. When I leave this estate, Prince B. is your adored lover. In case you have anything to communicate to me, you may contact me through the tall footman called Angelo."