Fougeret de Montbron - The Amorous Adventures of Margot

So far, everything had gone very well. But when two of the ladies had surpassed the boundaries of moderation and the fumes of Bacchus started to veil their minds, one suddenly punched her fist into the mouth of the other, who in turn revenged herself with a blow in her friend's soup dish. In no time at all the table, the dishes, meat and sauce were spread all over the floor. War had been declared. My two heroines flew at each other with equal animosity. Scarves, bonnets, sleeves, all were tattered in an instance. When the mistress of the house tried to get in between and assert her authority, they pasted her — as if by mistake — in the face with a platter of sauce. Since she was totally unprepared for this peculiar caress and since patience obviously did not belong among her most outstanding virtues, making peace was now out of the question. On the spot she gave a demonstration of her superiority in the heroic art of boxing. Meanwhile, the two others who had so far remained neutral, felt that they could no longer idly stand by, whereupon the entire affair became even more fascinating and an all-out battle ensued.

The moment it all started I had retired to the farthest corner of the room, quaking with fear, and I did not move as long as the brawl lasted. It was a terrifying yet at the same time farcical comedy to see these five creatures tumble over and under each other, biting, scratching, kicking and hitting, simultaneously screaming obscenities at each other and now and then showing in a most unseemly manner their large and small tools of the trade.

There was no indication that this massacre would be over soon were it not for an old man, who looked as if he had lived in the gutter all his life, announcing the arrival of a German baron. And you know how much respected these personages are among demimondaines; almost as much as the Mylords. The word “baron” had hardly been uttered when the entire battle was over and done with instantly. The amazons separated and hastily tidied their tattered gowns. They dried themselves, dusted one another and the distorted, overheated faces assumed momentarily their tender and natural friendliness. Our mistress left quickly to entertain the baron and the ladies hastened to their rooms to dress appropriately and repair their faces in order to be able to receive him suitably.

The reader, who is undoubtedly more experienced than I was in those days, must have already guessed that I had landed in one of the best-run houses of Paris. And he will also be aware that our gracious hostess was one of the most sought after in this business; she called herself Madame Florence.

As soon as she found out that the arrival of the baron had been announced for the sole purpose of putting an end to the fighting, she walked over to me with a very satisfied and happy expression on her face. She lightly kissed my forehead and said, “Just because of this slight disagreement you witnessed a moment ago, I do not want you to think badly of us, my little one. They were very unimportant differences of opinion about nothing and against nobody in particular. They blow over in a minute. After all, one is not always master of one's emotions. And at such times people's feelings are more or less sensitive. Even the worm wriggles when you step on it. When you get to know the ladies a little bit better, you will be enchanted by their charming dispositions. They truly are the most kind-hearted creatures in all the world. Their fury is like passion — short-lived; it dies down as quickly as it flares up. In a minute everything will be forgotten. Thank God that I don't even know how it feels to be vengeful; and I am no more venomous than a turtledove. I feel sorry for those who wish me ill luck, because I surely don't wish it upon anybody. But now we should talk about you.

“You will have to admit, my dear child, that one does not have a chance in today's society when one is not rich. 'No money, no blessings,' is the proverb. But one can also paraphrase and say, 'No money, no pleasures and no comforts in life.' And since it is very simple to appraise comfortable living and other luxuries, I think you will have to agree with me that it would be rather stupid to reject a livelihood, especially if one possesses the means for it and does not do any harm to society. Because that would be very sinful. Yes, my child, may the good Lord protect us. But in this respect I have an absolutely clear conscience and I take careful precautions against any possible accusation. And we are, after all, not among the Turks; we have to think about the salvation of our souls. And, moreover, it is not against the law to earn your living in this or that manner. It is not a question of what profession one takes up. What is important is that you are good at it. As I have already told you, it is rather stupid when one does not use his God-given talents to make a good living as long as one can. And tell me, who could do that better than you, with all the resources good Nature has equipped you? She has certainly not made you so beautiful merely to let it go to waste. I know so many girls who are far less charming and attractive than you who nevertheless manage to make a very fair income. They have discovered the secret! And I may add without bragging that have never taken too much out of their earnings, though their way to riches was entirely my doing. But I pray that the good Lord may have pity upon those ingrates. I don't want to encroach upon their pleasures.”

“Oh, my dear, dear lady,” again I spoke too quickly. “I hope that you never have to accuse me of such ingratitude.”

“Do not commit yourself, my dear,” she replied. “They have all said the same thing, and yet they still have completely forgotten me! When fortune smiles upon them, people show their true color. Ah, if you only knew how many girls go to the Opera who received their entire education from me and who pretend now that they have never known me, then you would be forced to admit that gratitude is not one of the virtues that is practiced in this profession. But, nevertheless, it is always a great pleasure to find someone who is in need of assistance. By the way, my little pussycat, as young and beautiful as you are, have you never had a suitor?”

“Who? Me, Madame?” I answered in a hypocritical tone of voice. “Who would ever take notice of me in my present deplorable situation?”

“I think you prefer not to understand me,” she retorted. “Now you have forced me to be more blunt about it. Are you still a virgin?”

This unexpected question surprised me so much that my cheeks turned blood red and I lost my composure entirely. “I see, you've lost it,” she said. “But that is not too important. We have creams that work wonders and we can restore it so that nobody would know the difference. All the young ladies who decide to go into the profession have to undergo a similar examination and treatment. It is merely a ceremony, and it does not hurt at all. You must admit that it is just good business when a merchant knows his wares.”

While she was talking, Madame Florence had pulled my skirt high above my waist. She turned me around and looked me over very thoroughly. Nothing escaped her experienced eyes.

“Very good,” she said. “I am satisfied. The damage you have suffered is not too great. It can easily be repaired. Thank God you have one of the most beautiful bodies I have ever seen, and you should be able to derive great benefits from it. But one of the most important duties of our profession is not to be stingy with the use of the sponge. And it appears to me that you are totally unfamiliar with this habit. Come with me, and I will show you as long as we still have time.”

She led me immediately into a small dressing room and made me straddle over a bidet. She then taught me my first lesson in hygiene. The remainder of the day was spent with her teaching me various other, less important things about my future profession.