Anonymous - The simple tale of Susan Aked

'So in that way, I suppose, you prevent one gentleman seeing where another goes?'

'Quite so; not only that, but we are so clever that no gentleman sees another go upstairs at all.'

And how do they know their rooms, because if they are strangers to the house, and there are so many bedrooms, how can they avoid making a mistake?'

'That is very simple. We tell their ladies to give them the hint at dinner. In each guest's wine glass is put a flower, different to any other in the room: say one is a carnation, another a rose, another a lily or whatever you like. When the gentleman goes upstairs, he looks for a door having his flower in the keyhole, and opens it, walks in, and there is his lady, more or less undressed. Nothing can be more simple or well contrived, my dear Susan.'

'But surely they must notice that every keyhole has a flower in it! And would not that make them suspect that others were on the same errand as themselves?'

'Oh, my darling Susan, you may be sure that men and women of the world have an immense amount of discretion, and don't see more than is needful. No doubt they do see a lot, but they say nothing, and, as a matter of fact, everybody minds his own affairs. We never have any trouble. Our guests must be well recommended, or else they would get no invitations, and the recommendations we get come from the highest quarters!'

'But,' I persisted, as idea after idea presented itself to my mind, 'it must put you to a lot of expense, all these dinners and entertainments.'

'So it does,' replied Lucia, with gentle acquiescence, 'but Gladys is rich, and so am I, and even if we wished it we cannot prevent very handsome presents being made us, not only by our own lovers, but by those who reap the advantage of acquaintance with us: all goes to help, but our motives are not mercenary-we live the merriest, most delightful of lives, and what we do is from a love of pleasure. You see, we have no object on which to spend the seven or eight thousand a year we have between us, and so we can afford to be generous to Love. As it is, we do not spend half our income.'

'Ah, that explains it all,' I said, 'but tell me, Lucia, who is Annette, whom you mentioned just now?'

'She is our confidential maid, a most lovely girl, whom a young Henry Pendleton seduced; she was his sister's maid. I took his maidenhead, and he continued by taking Annette's, but unfortunately his mamma found her in his bed, and turned her out of doors then and there. Her parents, being strict Presbyterians, would not take her back, and she would have gone on the streets as a last resort, or drowned herself, had not poor Henry, in a state of anguish, for he is a dear, kind hearted boy, written and implored me to help Annette. I sent for her and saw her. Her exceeding beauty at once recommended her to me, and I took her on as my own maid. Little by little I found she was as amorous as a pigeon and I proposed to her to admit a lover of mine, whom I could not take because another had a pre-engagement with me one night. She was delighted, and I heard such an excellent report of her next morning that I took her on as my aide-de-con!'

'Aide-de-camp!' said I, 'Lucia, you don't pronounce it properly!'

'Don't I, dear? Well, I think I do! Con is the French for cunt, and I say truly when I say that Annette is my aide-de-con!'

I laughed, and was delighted at this new kind of staff appointment!

'So, I suppose, I am an aide-de-con that is to be, Lucia?'

'Of course, darling, if you like to look on it that way; but I hope you will always remember that, whereas by her agreement Annette must take any man we give her, you come to fuck, or not, as you please. You are, and will be, entirely your own mistress in that respect. We shall introduce gentlemen to you, and it is for you to introduce them or not, as you please, into your charming little cunt!'

'Oh, I don't think I shall raise many objections,' said I, laughing.

'Nor does Annette! She is as lewd and lascivious as I am, and that is saying a good deal, my Susan!'

In this delightful manner we wandered on, chatting and laughing, and picturing all kinds of lovely events, when our conversation turned once more on the danger unprotected fucking, a subject Lucia was extremely anxious to bring well home to my mind, and when once more she commenced holding forth about those most interesting but dangerous little atomies, tadpoles in the spend of a man, I said to her, 'Lucia, you talk as if you had actually seen the horrid little things!'

'So I have!'

'How?'

'Through a microscope, darling!'

'But how? When?'

'I will tell you,' said she. 'But here is a nice shady place. Sit down, and try not to grow so red as you did over the picture of Charlie Althair's prick!' 'Oh, do let me see those pictures again! I can listen whilst you tell me all about the tadpoles!' 'Most appropriately, too, Susan, for it was from Charlie Althair's balls that they came!' 'Was it now, really?' I exclaimed, as I once more gazed with extraordinary pleasure on their vivid-looking portraits, 'From these dear balls! Oh, how I shall like to see the real articles myself some day!'

'So you will, Susan darling, and soon! Do you know, I have been thinking that as Charlie Althair took my maidenhead, it would be as well if he had yours also, Susan! What do you think? Of course you have a perfect right to do with your own what you like, and maybe you might prefer some other man than Charlie to do that pleasant job for you. You have only to say frankly what you wish. It would be easy to have a half-dozen handsome young bucks for you to make your choice from.'

'Oh, Lucia!' I said, feeling half suffocated as the reality of the nearness of what I now most longed for became more and more apparent, 'I don't think I can hesitate. It is true I don't know my cousin Charlie very well; still, I have seen him, and he has kissed me, when I was a little girl and he was growing up into a young man. I think we should look upon this as a family matter, and settle it in the family; so I think I'll give Charlie my maidenhead, if he thinks it worth the plucking!'

'If he thinks it worth the plucking!' exclaimed Lucia. 'My dearest Susan, if we only had time, I should say, let Charlie beg and implore on his knees for such a priceless boon as the granting him a fuck at all! But it is imperative if you are to join us, that you should commence operations at once, and as before any real work can be done, your maidenhead must go, I say let Charlie have it. He is a dear, nice fellow, a splendid bedfellow, and I don't know any man I could better recommend to you, darling!'

'Very well, then that is settled, Lucia. But do tell me now about how you saw the tadpoles!'

'Well,' she said, 'about eighteen months ago, that is some time in the early spring of last year, Charlie came to see us in Park Lane, where we had gone to prepare for the London season. Frank Holt, the famous portrait painter, had just finished my picture, and we had invited him and a few of our most intimate and trusted friends to see it. Charlie had written to say he was afraid he could not come then, as he had an engagement in the country; in fact, as usual, he was after a virgin, and was fast bringing her to hear reason, and he could not afford to leave her just when he was apparently on the point of victory. Now, Charlie is one of the very best hearted fellows going. There is a girl, a clergyman's daughter, Clara Dobbs, whom he had induced to take him between her thighs some twelve months previously, a fine, handsome creature, very spirited, amorous and passionately fond of fucking; a girl in fact, whom we all like, and who, when she heard of the advantages of our society, required no pressure to make her join it con amore. It was easy for people in our position to make the acquaintance of her father and mother down in Buckinghamshire, and they, good simple folk, were easily induced to let Clara visit her rich and fashionable London friends. We have had her father and mother up, too, to stay with us with Clara, and that, too, at times when we might have seven or eight beds occupied by amorous couples, one of them having Clara herself in it with Charlie Althair or some other fine young fellow, and you may judge how extremely well everything went off, and how well we managed things, when our guests, the Dobbs, old people, never smelt a rat, and imagined the house was fast asleep, whilst the most lively performances, in which their own daughter was playing her part, were going on!'