Anonymous: The Oyster Volume V

'Tell us about it,' said Lady M-.

'And while you do,' said Gwendolen, 'I have just had an idea. Look!' She had been busily rooting around in her bag as she spoke. Now she triumphantly drew out a familiar object.

'A dildo!' came a chorus of delighted recognition.

'But no ordinary dildo,' she said. She walked over to me, holding the object in her hand. Once more my dress was pulled up and Mr. Pego put on display.

'See!' she said. 'Do you not see the similarity?'

'Not much,' said Lady M-. 'One is up and the other is down. If we are to make comparisons, they will both have to be in the same state.'

'Both up would be the more pleasing prospect,' said Cecily, in any case, we can hardly bend the delightful object that dear Gwendolen has procured for us. One of us must help Andrew in an attempt at re-erection.'

'I might manage it, if I may,' said Megan. 'My gentleman friend in the Navy often had such a problem when he had just returned from a long sea voyage.'

'By all means, go ahead,' said Lady M-. 'We will watch.'

'I need some butter,' said Megan. 'Perhaps we might ring for the housekeeper?'

'Mrs. Sayers is of a rather puritan disposition,' I said, it would be better if any object that could cause offence were hidden from her.'

In truth, I had no idea whatsoever if there was any truth in what I said. Indeed I surmised that in her capacity as Holmes' housekeeper, she had long grown used to an array of odd happenings and strange habits. However I was quite determined not to be confronted by her in my present revealing state. In any case, she was of advancing years and since she had not so far recognised me, got up as I was, I did not want to cause her a fright.

'I accept your point,' said Lady M-. 'Let us present a united and decorous front.' So both dildo and member were put away and I moved over into a corner where the light did not catch me. Megan came and stood beside me while the others arranged themselves elegantly on a chaise longue and Holmes' leather bound armchair. Mrs. Sayers was sent for and butter ordered.

'A tray of sandwiches, Your Ladyship?' asked Mrs. Sayers, having no inkling of course as to the purpose for which the butter was needed.

'That would be nice,' said Cecily. 'But make sure there is plenty of butter on them.'

'Ham sandwiches?' asked Mrs. Sayers. 'We have a large smoked ham, just delivered from the country at the behest of one of Mr. Holmes' acquaintances.'

'That sounds splendid,' said Lady M-. 'With mustard.'

'But not in the sandwiches,' said Megan hastily, from her semi-obscurity. She had obviously foreseen the possibility of a painful problem as far as I was concerned, if, as I suspected, I had accurately divined the use to which the butter might be put.

The arrangements were made and we awaited her return. The others turned to talk of intimate encounters while I took the opportunity to sit down once more. Megan sat beside me, keeping a watchful eye and indeed hand on my recovery. Such was her closeness that I relaxed and began to hope that I should be able to regain my full faculties in the not too distant future. She gave my thigh a little squeeze.

'Don't look so worried,' she whispered. 'We'll soon have you up and about again.' Cecily and Gwendolen were entertaining Lady M- with stories of their schooldays in Somerset when Mrs. Sayers returned with a large salver of sandwiches, mustard in a pot and coffee. Putting it all down on an occasional table that I had earlier noticed because of its marquetry inlay depicting an Eastern scene of astonishing complexity and frankness, she retired. She volunteered the information that she was more than used to having to wait up all hours for Holmes, so we could safely leave any callers to her. The fire was stoked up once more and we were left to our own devices.

Hands reached out for the sandwiches, then Gwendolen paused. 'Megan has first call on them,' she said, 'or at least on the butter in them.

With a well-mannered curtsy, Megan opened up one sandwich and inspected it. 'That'll do nicely,' she said. 'Just the thing to produce an inflexible friend. Lift your skirt up, Hetty!'

'Andrew, please!' I said.

'You're Hetty until I've dealt with you. Then maybe you'll be an Andrew again.' I stood up and hiked up my skirt. Megan extracted the ham from the sandwich, took a good bite out of it and then scraped a generous helping of butter into the palm of her hand. After she had rubbed it into a suitably soft state, she bent down and began anointing my prick. As she rubbed it into my rather wretched member with her gentle hands, I began to perk up a little. The others looked oh with deep interest.

'Can't we speed things up a bit,' said Lady M-rather unhelpfully. 'A good dollop of mustard should produce some reaction.'

At such an idea, I flinched and wilted once more.

'Please, Ma'am,' said Megan. 'Now see what you've done.' Not knowing how Lady M-would take such a reprimand from one of the lower orders, I pursed my lips. Then I realised with a sense of relief that she had been teasing me all along. She burst out laughing.

'I'm sorry, Andrew,' she said. 'How we are mocking you. It is only in fun. Let me reassure you that whatever happens or does not happen tonight, I have every confidence that we can have a most delightful fuck in the near future.'

'And me,' said Gwendolen.

'Me, too,' said Cecily.

At this chorus of assent I relaxed, knowing I was truly among friends. In response to both my easier mood and Megan's renewed buttering, Mr. Pego began to recover. There was a found of applause. Emboldened, I strode over to the centre of the room, flourishing my awakened manhood. Megan carefully stroked its underside and then withdrew her hand.

'I don't think you need propping up any further,' she said, standing back to admire her handiwork. There were nods of approval all round. Then Gwendolen delved into her bag and drew out the dildo again.

'Now,' she said, coming over and holding it parallel to my prick, 'What do you notice?'

'It's Andrew! To the life!' exclaimed Lady M-with delight. 'How on earth did you get hold of such a Thing?'

'It's a long story,' said Gwendolen, 'but it was given to me by a mutual friend when we were on a bicycling holiday in Northamptonshire. She is an artist and potter of considerable skill and persuaded him to model for it.'

'I should dearly like to have such a memento of him for my own entertainment,' said Lady M-. 'Are there more copies to be had?'

'I am certain that can be arranged,' said Gwendolen. 'But in the meantime, I realise that I have a further example of her craft.'

Another dildo was produced. At once I recognised it but the others looked most puzzled. Lady M-reached out to inspect it more closely. 'But, it's got writing on it,' she cried out. 'I can't quite make out what it says. This is a very strange Thing indeed.'

'It is a signature,' I said, holding it up to the light. 'Count Johann Gewirtz.' I showed the other side and read on. 'The Gobbling Galician.'

'I know him! I know him!' Lady M-exclaimed. She took the dildo in her hand. A frown of concentration appeared on her forehead and she closed her eyes as though trying to recall some memory, it's just how I remember it.' She hefted it in her hand. 'Just like the original.'

'I'm sure I've never met a gentleman with his name inscribed on his prick, although I've seen some strange tattoos in Portsmouth,' said Megan.

'I don't mean the writing!' Lady M-said. 'But everything else is to the life.' She fondled it and pressed it to her. 'Would you mind, Gwendolen, if I were to use it? See,' she ran her finger down one side, 'where the lettering is raised up. That could stimulate fond recollections indeed.'

'I would be delighted if it would help you bring back the past,' said Gwendolen.