Anonymous - The Oyster Volume V

It happened one evening, just as I was looking forward to one of our regular postprandial entertainments of a sexual nature, involving Hannah, her sister Becky and in all probability several of their friends, that Mrs. P-announced towards the end of dinner that her friend Mr. Porlock Holmes was interested in commissioning from Hannah a substantial vase, to be decorated with some scene from Greek mythology.

'What subject does he have in mind?' asked Hannah.

'He is as yet undecided,' her mother answered, indeed he is prepared to be guided by you in the matter. He did though mention various subjects including Europa and the Bull and Prometheus Condemned to Eternal Punishment.'

'What about Leda and the Swan?' suggested Hannah.

'My grounding in the Greek myths is, I regret, uncertain,' I said.

'A constant theme,' said Mrs. P — , 'is that of one of the Gods, in most cases Zeus, descending in various guises and surprising some hapless nymph or sprite and then leaping on her with great gusto. The unfortunate Leda was one such unwilling object of his attentions.'

'For the occasion, he took the form of a large swan,' said Hannah.

'What was the outcome?' I asked.

'An egg, or eggs,' said her mother. 'One hatched into the twins Castor and Pollux.'

'And according to some authorities of Antiquity, the fair Helen was also the fruit of their union,' Hannah added.

'That would seem a thoroughly suitable subject,' said Becky, 'I would be more than happy to pose as Leda. I see myself down on all fours, possibly looking at my reflection in the water and wearing something diaphanous in white.'

As I pictured the scene I began to see a part for myself.

'I would be more than happy to surprise you in such a position,' I offered.

'I don't doubt it,' said Becky. 'But you would have to be covered with feathers.'

'With his arms outstretched like wings,' said Hannah, clearly visualising the scene.'

'And a beak,' said Becky with a teasing smile.

'And webbed feet,' added her sister. I sensed a note of ridicule creeping into the conversation.

'Let us ring for cook,' said Becky, 'I know that, she is intending to serve up a goose for tomorrow's dinner. I saw the poulterer delivering a large, well-feathered bird earlier today.'

By now I was beginning to have second thoughts about the whole endeavour but before I could protest, cook was summoned to confirm her plans. Moments later I found myself down in the kitchen, face to face with a substantial dead specimen of Anser Domesticus.

'Just the thing,' said Hannah, seized with enthusiasm. 'We shall pluck it immediately.'

'I, in the meantime, will go and pick out some suitable drapery,' said Becky.

'Give cook a hand,' said Hannah to me.

'Plucking is not one of my skills,' I said hastily.

'Then you must learn,' said Hannah firmly. 'First the plucking and then the fucking. You cannot take part in one without the other.'

'Don't worry, Mr. Andrew,' said cook. 'Just watch what I do and follow me.'

Thus it was that some ten minutes later I found myself holding a stripped and naked bird while a stripped and naked Becky crouched invitingly in front of me.

'Are you certain that you will be able to perform to the satisfaction both of my sister and myself?'

'I have never failed yet,' I answered, my pride somewhat hurt.

'That is true,' said Becky. 'But in this case you will have to exercise a considerable degree of self-control. Several sessions will be necessary, so that my sister can sketch the tableau to her satisfaction. Are you sure that you will be able to hold your position without moving. Here!'

In an instant I had been forced down onto one knee while my arms were stretched out like wings. Becky and Hannah, quite ignoring my protestations, pushed and pulled me this way and that, standing back at intervals to scrutinise the effect.

'Right hand down a bit,' said Hannah. 'Can you get him to bend forward a little more.'

'Let's try him standing up and bending forward,' said Becky, dragging me to my feet.

'Legs a little apart,' said her sister. 'He's a bit stiff.'

'He frequently is,' said Becky with a grin. 'But not all over.'

The fact of the matter was that I was being so manipulated and shoved around that Mr. Pego was at his most shrivelled and limp. This to my chagrin was revealed when both sisters began to divest me of all my clothing. Both looked sorrowfully at my state.

'Upstairs,' said Becky. 'At least it will be warmer, and I would prefer carpet rather than stone flags under me.'

Clutching a bowl of feathers, I was urged up the stairs. Once in the drawing room before a blazing fire, I felt more at ease. Hannah went off to bring her crayons and sketch pad, while Becky began to try various nymph-like positions in front of me. As she raised up her delicious bum, Mr. Pego awoke from his slumber and jutted out in front of me. Unable to resist what was spread out before me, I dropped to a kneeling position behind her and with my hands on her hips, drew her to me. The tip of my prick slid easily between her thighs and began to probe at the entry to her lovely cunney.

'Can you keep it just like that,' said Hannah as she suddenly came into the room. I groaned with frustration and moved forward another inch or so.

'Don't let him in, Hannah,' said Becky, in this instance Nature must wait upon Art.'

' I seem to be suffering for your Art,' I said, a little bitterly, but, I thought, rather cleverly.

'Come out of my sister at once,' said Hannah, failing completely to respond to my witticism.

Becky it was who took pity on me. 'Later, Andrew,' she said, 'I can promise you an absolutely splendid fuck. And no doubt my sister can be prevailed upon to join in our activities. See, already I am quite damp with anticipation of what is to come. But now you must be greased and feathered. Arms out.'

Accepting my fate, I stood up. I was liberally smeared with what seemed to be lard, and first the down and then a selection of large wing feathers was pressed on to me. At this point both Becky and Hannah burst out laughing.

'Not at all like a Greek God,' said one.

'More like a scarecrow,' said the other.

At this point I became quite angry. 'You are making fun of me,' I said, making as though to leave the room.

'Come back at once,' said Hannah. 'Don't be so stuffy. See, we can all join in.' With that she slapped a pat of lard or butter on her sister's bared bottom and threw the rest of the feathers at her so that they stuck to her all over. Becky gave a squeal of protest and pulled at her sister's dress. In a trice they were wrestling over and over on the rug in a great confusion of discarded clothing and sticky feathers.

'Mr. Porlock Holmes,' announced Emily the maid, suddenly appearing at the door. 'Shall I show him in?'

'The Library,' said Becky, choking with laughter and a mouthful of fluff. 'Mother will entertain him, at least until we are more presentable.'

So it was that a few minutes later I made my first acquaintance with the world's greatest detective. He was sitting at a desk in the library, smoking the oddly smelling pipe that I was later to come to know so well. Mrs. P-was beside him and together they were poring over a large volume of what I later discovered to be Etruscan drawings.

'Mr. Scott,' said Mrs. P- as he looked up. 'He is presently staying with us. He is aware of the commission that you have in mind and has kindly offered to help in any way he can.'

'He is to be our Swan,' said Hannah. 'Although up to now he had not numbered bird impressions among his repertoire.'

'Cygnus olor, gibbus or mansuetus, the Mute Swan,' said our learned guest. 'A graceful creature, if one of uncertain temper. You are familiar with the genus Cygnus of the family Anatidae?'