Jacky S - Suburban Souls, Book I

“I love to degrade and humiliate you for my sensual pleasure, and there are lots of things I should like to do to you and with you. But I would not exercise real cruelty. I should always tell you beforehand what I was going to do, and if approved of by you, if you think you would like it, we could try it.”

“I'll never come with you again if there are to be women present.”

“Then if I asked you to join me alone with another woman?”

“I could not. I should refuse. I should be sick, or have a nervous attack. I hate women. If you and your friend want to amuse yourselves with women, don't invite me, but get some other girl that day.”

“I will never ask you to meet a woman, as I quite understand that tastes differ. I, too, find no pleasure with my own sex, but I can quite understand that other men might.”

“You are tolerant and are large-minded. I like you for that. I should be very pleased to meet Fontarcy again with you, but without Clara. It would be beautiful to be alone with you two. He likes me, too.”

“How do you know? You never saw his member. It is likely enough he never got an erection with you.”

“Yes, he did. When I was being sucked, I saw it sticking out. It was stiff against my leg.”

“That was while he was licking you.”

“He never licked me. You did. But I saw his big stiff machine.”

Here were two hallucinations, or falsehoods. My readers will remember that Lord Fontarcy had produced her orgasm with his tongue, and not I, and I knew perfectly well that he did not open his trousers that day. I have since submitted this to him, and he agrees that Lilian was mistaken. I take it that she was thinking of someone else.

“I am pleased you like all my mad imaginations,” said I to Lilian. “When Lord Fontarcy returns to Paris, if you could get out, no doubt he would be delighted to see you. I don't know anybody else well enough to offer you, as it is a ticklish thing to propose. All men do not understand such things. There is no danger with my friend. He lives in England and does not even know your name.”

I asked her why she had never looked him up in London and she replied that she was frightened of her brother. She said she kept him in entire ignorance.

“And now,” whispered Lilian, nestling up to me, “tell me something nice and horrible, that you would like to do to me.”

“I should like to have you naked-”

“Always naked!” she interrupted, with a sneer.

“Yes, for this diversion, most certainly, and then strap a broad leather belt round your loins as tight as you could bear it, so that you would not only be very uncomfortable, but I should enjoy the sight of your small pulled-in waist, and your bottom which would swell out bigger than ever in consequence.”

She kissed me most voluptuously and asked me for some more “dreams" of mine.

“You are my slave, and you stand upright in front of me, not necessarily naked this time. Your legs are close together and, with the same belt, I strap your thighs together, just above the knee, as tightly as I can. Then I would force my hand through your thighs just under your pussy, from the front, and then from behind, under your bottom, and the brutal passage of my hand would hurt you a little, but you would have pleasure, as I would tickle your slit. I should enjoy the delight of power and domination, without speaking of the soft contact of your skin, and the captivating manner in which my hand would be imprisoned between your thighs. And you would be ashamed to be thus exposed and humiliated. The combination of two such opposite sensations would be very pleasant indeed.”

“Oh, I should like that!”

“I promise you we will do it. You always did enjoy being badly treated by me.”

“Oh! I like all you do!”

“There are men who enjoy being ill-treated, too.”

“Yes, I know. One of my best customers, who lives down here, Madame Rosenblatt, married to a German Jew, has got a lover, as her husband don't give her enough money for her dress. Her friend possesses that mania. He has got a German grammar and studies it. He is about forty years of age. He has a small apartment in Paris and he goes there first and begins to learn his lessons. Madame Rosenblatt soon appears and pretends to be in an awful passion with him. She boxes his ears, and makes him kneel down and say his verbs. Whether he knows them or not, he has to take down his breeches, and she beats him well. After that, he gets into bed with her and enjoys her. His birthday is soon due, and his mistress is going to give him a present: a little silk cushion for him to kneel on. I am making it and she is paying me well for it.”

“Has she never asked you to see her pupil, or have you never evinced any curiosity to view this strange correction?”

“Oh, no! But she wanted me to go with her one day. She told me he would like to be whipped and humiliated in front of a strange young woman, but I shall not go. I would not do such a thing.”

I am obliged to confess that this story excited me very much, and although I had never allowed a woman to domineer over me as yet, I almost thought that I should have no objection to play the unruly pupil, if the governess pleased me, just to see how it felt.

I held strong suspicions that Lilian had seen this pupil-lover, and that the cushion would be paid for by the man himself.

I still continued to be as dumb as a fish, or I should never have heard or learnt anything.

According to Lilian's calculations, Granny and the servant were now in bed and fast asleep, and it was safe for me to follow her into the house, I did so, stepping cautiously on the grass, so as not to let my footsteps be heard on the gravel, as I had done in August. It was raining hard. A pace or two to the right, and I was in the dark room, and waited there while Lily went to see if the coast was clear. She soon returned and, taking me by the hand, guided me into the warm dining-room, where we sat down on a little sofa under the window.

I took her in my arms and embraced her with great tenderness, beginning to put my hand under her clothes. She repulsed me, and told me that she did not see why she should give way to me, as I showed no desire to do anything whatsoever to content her.

“When you try to please me you shall have all you want, but until then: nothing, nothing, nothing!”

I immediately withdrew my hand from her calves-she had not let me get any higher-and releasing her waist as well, I drew myself entirely away from her.

“I guess what you are up to. These are the tantalizing tricks of a coquette. Possibly Madame Rosenblatt” — I did not dare say Papa and Mamma-“has given you advice how to behave with me. I can hear her saving to you: 'Never give way to men too readily, or they will think nothing of you. Hold the carrot in front of the donkey's nose, but don't let the animal touch it until he obeys you. Keep the chaps away from you and they will run after you all the more!' I understand all your ways.”

And I got up as if to go.

“Come and sit down by me,” she said, as she looked at me strangely, with a wondering look in her eyes, astonished at being read so easily, “and I'll be good to you. You know I like you so much, that really I don't know what I am about when you are near me.”

And she threw herself upon me, and kissed me as she had never kissed me before, begging me to suck her lips and tongue, and caress her in return.

She ruthlessly thrust my fumbling fingers from her, and told me she was “unwell.” Her monthly courses were now on.

I at once made a little mental calculation. She had begun her menstruation on the eleventh of November; that was the last date I had been able to note, and she was therefore due again on the twelfth of December, or thereabouts. Here we were at the seventeenth of January. Why so late? Now I understood Papa's letter regarding her health. No doubt there was the fear of being in the family way. Had he drugged her before his departure? Or was the old witch of a grandmother dosing her with her secret decoctions of herbs, so as to bring on her tardy “menses”? Is that why she is friends with me again? If she found herself really enceinte, did she intend to give way to me entirely, and declare all her trouble as of my making? There was some deep scheme, which I never got to the bottom of. She took me in her arms and pillowed my head on her breast as she sat at the end of the sofa, and her audacious hand pressed my stiff dagger outside my trousers. She pinched it.