Li Yu - The Carnal Prayer Mat

"Master Iron Door! Might that be your honored name, sir?"

"Yes. Why do you ask?"

"I understand you have some land that you are looking for someone to work. Since I don't have the capital for a business of my own, I'd like to rent your land and work it. Would you be willing to rent to me?"

"Breaking in land is not something for a weak or lazy fellow, you know. What about the physical labor involved? Are you a hard worker? You mustn't loaf on the job and neglect my property."

"I'm used to hard conditions, and my strength will serve well enough. If you doubt me, why not try me out for a while? If I can't do the job, you can always let me go and take someone else on."

"I don't have a cottage for you. Where will you live?"

"That's no problem. I have no wife, only myself to worry about. Let me build myself a thatched hut at my own expense. Why pay rent for a place somewhere else while I'm farming your land?"

"Quite right. In that case you may go and draw up a lease."

"I have one right here," said Quan, handing over the lease he had prepared.

Noting Quan's coarse appearance, the Master considered he would make a good, sturdy servant, one who would not only break in the plot but also serve him as a hired hand. He accepted the lease and gave Quan permission to build a hut at his own expense.

Quan, who had plenty of money, bought lumber and thatch and engaged a couple of carpenters and thatchers, and in a few hours they had finished the job. Although just a hut, it looked bright and new. At least he had a place to call his own.

He bought a set of farm tools and early each morning would get up and, without stopping even to comb or wash, go off to the fields to cut rushes and dig the soil, in the hope that the Master would be impressed with his diligence and show him favor.

Just opposite the plot of land, Iron Door had a studio in which he spent most of his time. It was his custom to rise very early, so when he found Quan already up, he was surprised. In fact Quan had cleared a good deal of land before the Master was even out of bed. The latter was full of praise, and if any heavy work needed doing about the house, something the maids couldn't handle, Quan would be asked to do it. He did his utmost to oblige, putting twice as much effort into serving Iron Door as he did into his farming. Not only did he ask for no pay, he refused even to eat his fill. On one occasion, as he was about to leave, the Master, impressed by his hard work, offered to buy a jug of strong liquor to cheer him up. But Quan replied that hard liquor didn't agree with him, that he never touched a drop, and that in any case he would rather go home and drink something he had bought himself than involve his master in extra expense that might prevent him from being invited to help in the future.

Before setting foot in the house, he had been greatly worried. How ugly his daughter must be, he said to himself, to force her husband to leave home in search of other women! Myself, I've had a fine woman to sleep with. Supposing I manage to entice this one on stage, then take a look at that appalling face and my penis refuses to stand up? What if I'm all set to take revenge and it won't cooperate?

He cheered up considerably when he entered the house and saw a strikingly beautiful girl there, but he was still not sure of her identity. Later, on hearing the maids address her as miss, he realized that she was indeed the Master's daughter. A woman like that, he mused, is well worth sleeping with. Why did he leave her on her own and go off after other men's wives?

Although he forced himself to be even more patient and methodical in his plan of revenge, his penis was unwilling to be patient. It insisted on "destroying the enemy before breakfast" and raised the standard of revolt whenever he saw her. But Quan was a very cautious man, and seeing how strictly the women were segregated in this household, he never betrayed the fact that he was covertly watching her, but always passed by with his head bowed, not saying a word, like a complete prude.

Within a few months the Master, noting how hardworking, honest, and abstemious he was, had became very fond of him. When my son-in-law left, he thought, he gave me a few taels for hiring a servant. But most of the stewards I've seen in other households are lazy and interested only in their victuals. Reliable men are in a distinct minority, which is why I've hesitated to take anyone on. But a fellow like this would be worth a lifetime's victuals. I daresay, since he's poor and has no one to turn to, he might be willing to sell himself as a bondservant, but there is just one problem. Bringing a single man into the household has two drawbacks: first, since there'd be nothing here to hold him, he might try to make off with my valuables; second, how could the sexes be kept apart? It's not only the maids that need watching; there are all the problems that arise from having a daughter in the house. But I do have plenty of maids. If he were willing to sell himself, I'd be prepared to give him one of them in marriage. With a wife to tie him down he wouldn't be so inclined to make off. And a wife would also keep an eye on him inside the house and relieve me of my anxiety.

Although the Master intended to make the offer, he was afraid that Quan might refuse, so he hesitated to come straight out with it. One day he walked over to watch his tenant hoeing and inadvertently sounded him out with a jesting remark or two.

"You work so hard, and you don't waste your money. By rights you ought to be establishing a family. Why don't you take a wife? A man your age, and still on your own!"

"There's an old saying," said Quan. "'By brains you can support a thousand, but by brawn only one.' People who work with their hands are doing well just to get by. How can I even think of getting married?"

"But a man needs a wife and children in his life. Since you can't afford to marry, why not join the staff of some household that would provide you with a wife? If you have a child, there'd be someone left behind to burn paper money for you after you're gone. Why slave away all your life and have nothing to show for it at the end?"

Quan realized from these remarks that the Master was thinking of taking him into his household, and he responded with a ploy of his own. "'A big tree gives good shelter,'" he replied. "I'm familiar with that proverb of course. But being dependent is no simple matter either. For one thing, you may have a hard-hearted master who beats and curses you instead of thanking you, even if you've been toiling for him all day like an ox. Secondly, the other people on his staff may not accept you. They were there before you came along, and they expect you to truckle to them. And if they're not prepared to exert themselves for their master, they'll be afraid that your loyalty will show them up, so they'll set the master against you and make it impossible for you to stay. I've often seen that sort of injustice in gentry households, which is why I'd have to think long and hard before joining one."

"Those gentry households are very grand and have numbers of servants, among whom you always get discord and indifference, which is why such injustices occur. But in a household of moderate size, the master would be able to tell how good his staff were. Moreover, you would have very few colleagues and no problem fitting in. Take the case of a household the size of mine, for example, with a master as enlightened as I am. Would you be interested in that, supposing there was a wife there waiting for you?"

"Oh, that would be ideal! Of course I'd be interested."

"Well, to be quite frank with you, I do need a servant. The only reason I don't have one now is that I haven't found anybody suitable. Seeing what an honest, hardworking fellow you are, I've considered taking you on, and that is why I've been asking you these questions. If you really are willing, go ahead and draw up a contract stating how many taels you will need as a bond, and I'll see to it. Then the day you join my household, I'll pick out a maid for you as a wife. What do you say?"