Рейчел Уэллс - A Cat Called Alfie

‘You see I am a doorstep cat. Before you moved in I was considering adding the new family here to my list of families I stay with, but of course they already had you.’ I tried to sound my most charming as I told her the story. Of my first owner Margaret, of being homeless, of the cats who helped me on my way, and those who tried to hurt me. I told her of reaching Edgar Road, my journey, how I met my families, helped them and brought people together. I left out no detail as I filled her in on my story.

‘So you see, I am actually a fairly resourceful cat,’ I said.

‘Is everything you’ve told me true?’ she asked.

‘Absolutely. I do not tell lies.’ I was slightly affronted, although I realized I had told her a lot of stories in one go. I sat upright, my tail curled around my body, trying to work out what she thought of it all.

‘Well it’s quite an adventure. And yes you have obviously proved yourself very helpful to those people but I don’t see how that applies to us.’

‘Can’t you see that if I know what’s wrong for your family I can help you guys too?’

‘No, you can’t.’

‘How do you know?’

‘I just know. Alfie, listen to me. I’m sure you are a very nice cat. Perhaps in other circumstances we could have been friends even. But now, this is not the time. My family is literally falling apart. They are only together now because of misery and the misery isn’t going anywhere. Just as I think things will get better, they get worse again. It’s all horrible and we are all tormented. I think that if there was something to be done I would have done it by now.’

‘Yes but if I knew … I might have a new perspective.’

‘Your life has been amazing, you’re right, but it’s nothing like mine. And you might have helped others but you can’t help us.’

‘But I’m sure I can.’ I was confident.

‘Alfie, you said that all I had to do was to listen to your story.’

‘I did,’ I admitted.

‘And if I still wanted you to keep away you would?’

‘I said that too.’

‘Well I want you to keep away. From me, from my family and especially from Christopher.’

‘But do you really?’ I asked, clinging on to my fast-evaporating hope.

‘I absolutely do. Goodbye.’ She was beating her tail from side to side, and as I looked at her I knew I’d failed.

She disappeared back into her house, her white fur gleaming in the sunlight, and I realized that for once I had overestimated my abilities. I made my way home, slowly, bereft at the idea that I had failed and might never be friends with her, and terrified at the thought that I would only be able to see her from afar and never hear her voice again. I was flooded with disappointment that her family wouldn’t be part of our lives, and I felt like a failure as a doorstep cat. A failure at everything. I felt the weight of the world settle on me as I made my way home.

‘I’m worried about Alfie,’ I heard Claire say but I didn’t lift my head up.

‘Why?’ Jonathan asked. ‘He looks all right to me.’

‘You never notice anything,’ Claire snapped. She was still in a bit of a mood it seemed. ‘He’s barely eaten the last few days. I even had to throw away salmon yesterday.’

‘Really?’ Jonathan started to pay attention.

‘Yes, really. Do you think he’s ill? He’s been in his bed much more than usual and has hardly been out. Or he stares out of the window if he’s not in bed. I’m really worried, Jon.’

They should be worried. There was definitely something going on with me. Since Snowball had banished me from her life, I had barely been able to eat and I had no interest in anything, not even seeing Tiger. I had hardly set foot outside the house, and had only done so when I absolutely had to. Tiger had been waiting for me outside my back door, wanting to go and play, and I told her I was feeling unwell, an excuse she reluctantly accepted. The thing was that I actually did feel terrible. I was quite out of sorts. Claire was right, it wasn’t like me not to tuck into my food but my appetite was all but gone. I felt like staring into space, had no energy for my usual sports, and all I wanted to do was to curl up in my cat bed, or stare out of the window into nothingness. I didn’t feel ill exactly but I certainly didn’t feel like myself. And I didn’t understand what was wrong with me.

‘Shall we take him to the vet?’ Jonathan suggested. I wanted to yelp my objection but I didn’t even have the energy for that.

‘Yeah, if he doesn’t perk up by tomorrow I’ll take him in. But Jonathan, it’s as if he’s depressed or something.’

‘Do cats get depressed?’ Jonathan asked.

‘I don’t know, but he seems almost like I was when I first moved here. All mopey and lethargic.’

‘Blimey, a depressed cat, who’d have thought it. Of course he might just be lovesick.’

‘Do you think cats can be lovesick?’ Claire asked. Jonathan shrugged and they turned and walked away from me.

But that was it. I was lovesick. Jonathan had hit the nail on the head.

I felt lethargic, sad, and mournful. I knew I was just feeling sorry for myself but being in love, being rejected, does make one a bit self-indulgent, I guess. When Snowball sent me away, I felt as if I’d lost her forever. Not that I ever had her in the first place, but I felt as if I’d lost hope of her ever being mine. And I was the sort of cat that never lost hope.

I pricked up my ears. Claire was still talking about the vet, of which I am definitely not a fan. They prod and poke around where they’re not wanted and yes, perhaps they did some good too, but I had them down as people to visit only when necessary. I had far too much on my plate to spend time in the vet’s, especially as I now knew that my supposed illness was caused by the lack of love from another cat. No, no way did I want to go to the vet. I quickly realized it was time for me to pull myself together.

I started to process my thoughts. Just because Snowball said she wanted me to stay away didn’t mean forever? And the problem with her family hadn’t gone away, had it? No, in fact I was needed more than ever, even if she didn’t realize it. In fact, if I could help the family, Snowball would surely be so happy that she would definitely want to be my friend at the very least. Although for now I would respect her wishes and stay away, I knew that it wouldn’t be forever. Or even very long.

I had begun to regain my resolve but not my appetite; however, I realized that if I was going to prove useful, I needed to keep my strength up. So with all the energy I could muster, I left my bed, approached Claire and miaowed the way I did when I wanted feeding. She looked so happy as she praised me for looking better. Honestly, sometimes it was almost too easy.

I forced myself to eat; it wasn’t that I felt sick, I just wasn’t that hungry, but after some food and more water, I began to feel a bit stronger. I knew I had to fight the urge to pine, because it was clear that no one ever achieved anything by pining. After four days in bed, it was time to get up.

Next stop was Tiger. After looking in her garden to no avail, I made my way to our recreation space. She was there, with Nellie, Rocky and Elvis. They were sunbathing and passing the time, so I joined them.

‘Are you feeling better?’ Tiger asked. I nodded.

‘What was wrong?’ Nellie followed.

‘I don’t know, I just felt a bit under the weather,’ I replied, eager to change the subject. If I was lovesick and pining, the fewer people who knew the better. I had a reputation to maintain after all.

‘Guess what, Alfie?’ Elvis said.

‘What?’ I pricked up my ears.