Рейчел Уэллс - Alfie And George

I called for Tiger, who came out when I bashed her cat flap, our way of ringing the doorbell. She was just finishing cleaning her whiskers.

‘Did I interrupt your lunch?’ I asked.

‘No, I was only having a snack,’ she replied. Tiger liked her food, though since we’d been friends, I had made her take more exercise, and she was far less lazy now than she used to be.

‘I need to talk to you about the lamppost cats, but I think we should go and see the others so I can talk to you all,’ I said.

‘Really? You know something?’ Tiger was interested.

‘Yes, I’ve figured it out — there’s lots to fill you in on.’

I started strolling with Tiger by my side. From a distance, I saw Elvis and Rocky, and with them was one of the new cats. I was excited — Tiger was right, it was the curiosity I always felt for new people and new cats that I loved. I smoothed my fur down and approached. I couldn’t help but notice instantly that the new cat was beautiful. My heart may have belonged to Snowball but my eyes were still working! I saw Tiger glance at me sideways and I thought maybe she was jealous; she could be a bit possessive of me, although I didn’t think she thought of me in that way anymore. Did she? I tried to give her a reassuring look. I mean, I couldn’t even think about another woman right now, and probably not for a very long time. Maybe not ever.

‘Alfie, Tiger, glad you came. This is the one of the new cats I was telling you about, Pinkie,’ said Rocky.

‘Nice to meet you, Pinkie,’ I purred. She was a similar colour to me, but with a very cute round face and a bright pink collar.

‘You too, Alfie,’ she grinned. She was quite stunning.‘And Tiger, nice to see you again.’ What lovely manners, I thought. Tiger made a sound but didn’t say anything.

‘You’re new to the area?’ I asked.

‘Yes, my family moved to somewhere called “overseas”, and they couldn’t take me with them so they found me a new home.’

‘That’s rough,’ I said. ‘Although I know all about that, having suffered something similar.’

‘Yes, Elvis told me a bit about your background. But the lady I live with now is very nice, and she has great taste in food.’

‘Anyway,’ Tiger interrupted. ‘We have more important things to discuss than food. Go on, Alfie, tell them what you know about the cat pictures.’

‘Ohh, you know something?’ asked Nellie, moving closer. I raised my whiskers as all the cats surrounded me.

‘Yes, I do. The lamppost photos aren’t a beauty contest. It means that they are missing.’

‘Missing?’ Rocky asked. He looked shocked.

‘Yes, the owners have put up pictures asking if anyone has seen their cats. Which means they aren’t at home.’ I felt quite knowledgeable as the others hung on my every word.‘It happened to me once, when Jonathan and the others thought I was missing. But it was all a misunderstanding, as you know, because I was with the vet. So we need to try to figure out if these cats are really missing or if they’ve left their homes of their own accord.’

‘You mean like they just got fed up and ran away?’ Nellie asked.

‘Found new owners, maybe?’ Pinkie suggested.

‘But there does seem to be quite a lot of them,’ Rocky pointed out.

‘You’re all right. This may be a case of missing cats, but we need to figure out why. After all, they could just have found nicer homes. It does happen.’ I was loyal to my families but they were good to me — not all humans were.

‘So we need to be vigilant?’ asked Elvis.

‘Yes,’ Tiger replied. ‘We don’t think there is anything to worry about but we do need to keep our eyes on the situation and we should discuss it at various intervals. It’s only right.’

‘Tiger’s right,’ I concurred.

‘Guess where I met Pinkie, Alfie?’ Elvis said, changing the subject and sounding proud. His attention span really was very short. I wondered if they were an item, but I didn’t think so as Pinkie seemed far too young and pretty for him.

‘Where?’ I asked. I saw that Tiger was chasing her shadow and pretending not to listen.

‘In my fridge.’

‘Your fridge?’ I asked, incredulous.

‘I happen to like fridges,’ Pinkie said.‘When I first moved here, my owner kept me inside, but when I was allowed out I went to Elvis’s house by mistake.’

‘Well, it is only next door,’ Elvis said kindly.

‘Anyway, his fridge was open, and I just can’t resist an open fridge.’

‘Yes, but then my owner closed the door, trapping her. Luckily she forgot to put the milk back so when she opened it again, Pinkie jumped out. Gave my owner a bit of a fright you know,’ Elvis laughed.

‘Wow, that’s some story. Don’t you find fridges cold?’ I asked.

‘Of course, but then I don’t plan to spend that much time in them. It’s what you get out of them that counts.’ She said this as if it were the most normal thing in the world.

‘Anyway, I escorted her home and now she’s become a friend,’ Elvis finished. Tiger made a sound that sounded a bit like ‘hmmph.’

‘Well, it’s nice to meet you, although maybe you ought to keep out of fridges, they can be dangerous,’ I warned.‘And if you get stuck in one they might have to make you a lamppost cat.’

‘Anyway, as I was saying to Pinkie, Alfie is single,’ Rocky interrupted.

‘What?’ I said.

‘You know, Pinkie’s new to the area, you’re a single tom, you two could step out together. Just a thought.’

So now my cat friends were trying to matchmake? Had that been their plan all along?

‘Sorry, Pinkie, but you know I’m still nursing a broken heart from my last relationship. I can’t think about courting another cat.’ I felt embarrassed all the way to the tips of my whiskers. This was awkward.

‘Hold on a minute,’ Pinkie cut in.‘Thanks, guys, for thinking of me, but Alfie, well, to be honest, you’re not my type.’

‘He’s not?’ Tiger had now stood up and looked interested.

‘No, I like my toms a bit more manly, if you know what I mean.’

I was affronted. More manly? What on earth did she mean? Tiger was trying and failing not to laugh, and Rocky and Elvis couldn’t hide their smirks either.

‘Well, although I like to think of myself as quite macho, actually, at least we’re on the same page. And I’m sure we can be friends,’ I said, mustering all the dignity I had left. ‘But I have to be getting back. I have a kitten to check on. Don’t forget to be vigilant about those lamppost cats.’

I left my friends where they were and walked home. Not manly enough, what on earth? I strutted and swaggered to show just how macho I could actually be.

When I got home, the house was quiet and I enjoyed some time on my own whilst they were still out at the vet. I padded from room to room, enjoying the silence and the space. Just like the good old days, when Claire and Jonathan went to work and I had the whole house to myself. I would never wish for life to go back to what it was — I couldn’t imagine life without either Summer or George — but a bit of peace was nice.

I pondered the missing cats. I certainly felt as if something strange was happening, and there might be a mystery to solve. It did seem an odd coincidence that four cats had now decided to leave their homes, but then it wasn’t impossible. Maybe their owners were mean, or gave them terrible food, or made them sleep in a shed? Any of those reasons would be justification for running away.

I was dozing on Claire’s bed when I heard the door open. I stretched, yawned and licked my paws before making my way downstairs.

‘It’s OK, George, you’re home now,’ Claire was saying gently. The door to the cat carrier was open but George was refusing to come out. I leaned in and rubbed his nose to let him know I was here.